MY STORY

• Artist: blackdeath144
• Description: ITS VERY DARK, SAD, AND ITS ALL TRUE THIS IS A LIFE THAT I WOULDNT WANT ANYONE TO LIVE.....ITS THE LIFE OF AN EMO/GOTH AND A CUTTER...SO I WARN YOU ITS VERY DETAILED...
• Date: 07/16/2008
• Tags:

IT ALL STARTED THE DAY MY PARENTS TOLD ME I WAS MOVING. I THOUGHT MAYBE TO A NEW HOUSE. BUT THEN THEY SAID THE THINGS I DIDNT WANT TO EVER HEAR: OUT OF THE STATE. THATS WHEN IT ALL STRTED I HAD FINSHED THE 6TH GRADE ADN HAD MADE SO MANY FRIENDS ADN I KNEW THAT THEY WOULD ALWAYS BE THERE FOR ME. UP UNTIL THE DAY MY PARENTS SAID WE ARE MOVING OUT OF THE STATE.BUT THE REAL STORY STARTS WHEN I GO TO MY NEW SCHOOL. I WAS NERVOUS LIKE ALWAYS AND DIDNT KNOW WHAT THE PEOPLE WPULD BE LIKE. I WALKED IN TO MY HOMEROOM AND LOOKED AROUND THE ROOM FOR A SEAT TO SIT IN, THATS WHEN I SAW THEY GAZES OF PEOPLES EYES ADN KEW THAT I WOULDNT BE TEH SAME I WAS THE OUTCAST. BY THE TIME I MADE IT TO LUNCH I WANTED TO LEAVE ADN GO HOME FOREVER. I DIDNT EAT LUNCH I JSUT SAT IN THE BATHROOM CRYING. THATS WHEN I MET SOMEONE THAT WAS JSUT LIKE ME SHE WAS BI, EMO, CUTTER, AND THE OUTCAST. WE HUNG OUT FOR A LITTLE BIT UNTIL LUCH ENDED AND THEN WE MET UP IN SOME OF OUR CLASSES WE HAD TOGETHER. WE TALKED ADN BECAME VERY GREAT FRIENDS. BUT THEN THATS WHEN A SURPRISE CAME OUT OF NOWHERE




TO BE CONT.......

Comments

[tykat]

Arisa said it all.

Just the fact that it's all in CAPS LOCK is distracting. You have both run-on sentences and sentences that end and are continued on in the next one. There are missing punctuations, and it's just a block of text. I can count at least 22 misspellings, and, personally, you need a better lead.

Give your keyboard a breather and try harder next time.

[CalvinRexx]

I agree with the two who commented before. Do not type in caps lock when you're writing a story. It's completely unprofessional and makes you look rather ignorant. As Arisa and KKrazy said, paragraphs are something you need. Separate your paragraphs.

All we've got here is a wall of text in capitol letters. It can hardly even be called a story.And so, all I did was stare at it in shock. I couldn't even read it because it's a wall of text.

[Teh Rave Mobile]

I agree with Arisa Wilder,I bet your Keyboard is about to blow up.

Also,The run on Sentences need to stop.End all of your sentences with Periods.

The paragraphs are urged against you.They seperate the sentences so its easier to read.

Its complicated to read,And there is hardly no detail at all.

Try harder.

[Arisa Wilder]

I bet your keyboard's wondering what it did to deserve this. D:

So, we need paragraphs. This piece is suffering terribly from a case of Run-on sentances and missing vowels, and misspelled words.

FYI the above mentioned problems are distracting, and I can't even read that thing. D:

Try harder emo boy. biggrin