Tornado....Chapter 1

• Artist: Poopy1011
• Description: So tell me what you think.I know the first chapter wasn't fiction but just wait to see what happens when Sarah is left all alone with only her dog and wild adventures that will come in the future.
• Date: 07/15/2008
• Tags:

"Sarah!Sarah! Wake up!".Yelped Grandfather Logan.He yanked her from her floresent pink bed and raced with her down to the basement.When they arrived Sarah was still half asleep."W-what,is going on?"questioned Sarah."Sweetheart theres a tornado heading this way!"he cried terrified."Oh no,What about Rufus?!".She screamed.Rufus was there Terrier puppy that Grandfather Logan gave her for Christmas.She loved him so much and couldn't bare to see something horrible happen to him."I'll go get him".Her grandfather said in a flash.He ran out.As a cold wet tear came to Sarah"s eye crying the basement door began to shake.Her grandfather barged in and handed Sarah Rufus.Her grandfather held on to the edges of the basement door as he was being blown away by the Tornado.Sarah pulled his hand trying to help but it was useless,slowly her grandfather flew away into the pitch black darkness of the tornado.Sarah pulled the basement door shut and held on firmly.She cried hard and knew she would never see her grandfather again.................

TO BE CONTINUED..................

Comments

[Rebellious Mastermind]

it was good, but to tell the truth, by the description and the paragraph, (which was easy for me to read and ppl just need to get over what it looks like and not look at the beauty of the work) is starting to sound like The Wizard Of Oz. But if you change up a little of it, it may seem a little different. im not saying that your copying, it just sounds similar. When you type more, try to make it a little less like The Wizard Of Oz. But that doesnt mean that it wasnt good. I loved it actually 5/5

[childofthewolfpack]

Spacing is needed,but good.

[JoshuaOrrizonte]

To be honest, it was a little hard to read. The premise is interesting, but stuffing it all in one little paragraph without proper spacing makes it really hard for your eyes to follow. Proper spacing does wonders for "readability" of a piece; try to do it. If you're unsure of the rules of spacing, getting someone to

[Rhoslyn]

Short, but interesting. Kind of like the beginning of Twister.