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Blackness swirled around me as I watched the 'heroes' battle the skeletons.
"Curse you, Necromancer!" The Price shouted. He was a tall, well muscled man, easily mistaken for a warrior. I have to admit that he is a handsome brute, with his abnormal red eyes and long black hair. He could make any self-respecting women melt. What was his name? Oh yeah, .Lyle Vierdan.
I just roll my eyes as I tighten my grip around the 'princess.' Her? The princess? That's a laugh. I hold my knife to her throat, my eyes glowing blood red.
"Give Amber back witch, and I may just spare you life." He snarled.
I hold the knife to her throat. A dead hawk nearby gets up, snapping it's broken neck into place, take off and lands on my shoulder.
The girl shudders and look up at me. I see her neon green eyes go blue for a moment, her magical guise falling apart.
No, I can't let her be revealed just yet. I step back and the hawk takes off as more skeletons approach, with their rattling bones. I smile and wave, and me and the girl sink into the ground, gone.
Lyle swore above us. Now me and the girl were in the dark, surrounded closely by dirt. She stares ate me, and I let my hand move from her mouth.
"Y-you know I-I'm not the princess?" She whimpers.
I nod slowly.
"Y-you didn't tell them?" She sounded bewildered.
I shake my head.
"H-how do you know I-I'm not the princess?" Now she's curious. She tries to study my features.
My single visible eye is glowing blood red, my forehead, other eye, and hair covered in bandaged, topped by my hood. The hawk fell from the sky as I let my eyes flash back to their original color... a bright neon green...
"You... are Princess Amber...?"
I nod slowly, putting a finger to my lips.
Her eyes widen. "I-I'm sorry princess... when you disappeared, they didn't want anyone to find out, so they made me take your place..."
"Just remember..." I whisper. "Not everything is as it seems..."
- by Okami Ameras |
- Fiction
- | Submitted on 07/15/2008 |
- Skip
- Title: Not everything is as it seems.
- Artist: Okami Ameras
- Description: A necromancer holds the princess hostage. Or does she?
- Date: 07/15/2008
- Tags: necomancyprincessdisguise
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Comments (7 Comments)
- Kaoru1632 - 07/17/2008
- why not vote for okami
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- Zphal - 07/16/2008
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Neat reversal. Evil princess, lol.
Like a lot of people said, tenses are awkward. First person seems more natural in past tense, rather than immediate.
While the dialogue is engaging, I want more of a taste of the surroundings to bite my teeth into. You don't want characters dancing around in a spaceless void.
Anyway, you said it was a quick write-up. So it's neat. biggrin
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- Mama Ame - 07/16/2008
- very nice Okami ^_^
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- AndrewBot - 07/16/2008
- 9/10, something just doesn't seem perfect, but i don't know what...
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- iMonochromatic - 07/15/2008
- That was awesome, I love stories like that! 5 stars! 3nodding
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- Miakou - 07/15/2008
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Four stars. Good, engaging story, but I want more.
Also, yeah, your tenses are a little mixed up, and a few grammar errors here and there.
But good overall. - Report As Spam
- Okami Ameras - 07/15/2008
- Yeah I know. sweatdrop I have a problem with current and past tenses.
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