• WARNING: Boy x boy relationships ahead....

    Loving him

    The soft warmth of the superior's hand against my spine calms my mind, though physically, I admit I'm rather excited. Sometimes, when he holds me like this, it's hard to breathe, but, then again, it feels like even if I never breathe again, that's all right too. I used to hate feeling vulnerable. I used to hate opening up to people. But his hands, beautiful and smooth as they are, will never betray my trust, and clearly, he isn't just "people".

    In the background, music plays softly, though not quite softly enough to distract me from the movement I can hear outside his bedroom door. He notices my unease, pressing his hand against my cheek, and easing my head around, so his face is the only thing I can see. His beautiful face, kind and understanding, though simultaneously harsh and even, frighteningly, a little cruel. His eyes betray his true feelings. I can read them as easily as I could read words on a page. "Saix," he's thinking, "why bother yourself with the workings of others?"

    With difficulty, I tear my eyes away from his, and wrap my arms around his bare chest. I press my ear against the place his heart should be. I can hear a beat. Something has to be there, keeping us running, and I suppose it's a spiritual heart that we lack, not a physical one. Xemnas' hands snake around behind me, constricting me into a tight embrace. Tighter, perhaps, than I might have liked, but even this is an appealing part of the relationship. His dominance is... how should I say it, sexy?

    Purely physical attraction, of course. I mean, how could it be more? Without hearts, how can I feel more than that? Even he... he must feel nothing for me, beyond the pleasing sensations of a touch. I wish for nothing more, honestly, than to love him. To be loved by him.

    Sitting here in his arms, coats and shirts tossed carelessly on the floor, I have to wonder what this is exactly. He loosens his grip and starts kissing my neck. My lips twist into a smile, and I breathe in deeply. Such motions are beyond my control. I feel... so happy, but I have to remember that this is impossible. We cannot have feelings. I could not be happy, I could not be in love, I am merely contented by the physical sensations. Right?

    Xemnas' lips part, and his breath burns against my neck. He brings his hand up to my head and starts running his fingers through my hair. He twirls it around his finger, and sweeps it across his lips. My heart beats faster, pounding in my chest, so loud I have to wonder if he can hear it.

    "Saix?" His voice comes out hot and heavy.

    "Yes, superior?" He moves away from me, almost shoving me aside. I c**k my head, not understanding. He seems... concerned. "What is it, master?"

    "Probably nothing."

    I'll admit, I am completely confounded. I put my arm around his shoulder, drawing him closer to me once again. His face scrunches up, almost as if he is in pain. Wounded, I back away, eyes downcast. "I'm sorry, master. I was out of line."

    "No! No, Sai, you're not the problem. I apologize for acting so strangely."

    "If it's not me then... what?"

    His eyes, beautiful and golden orange, meet mine. They are full of concern, of fear, of I don't know. Usually it's so easy for me to almost read his mind, but not today, apparently.

    "I know it's impossible... ridiculous... but, Sai, I think I love you."

    Taken aback, my eyes grow large, and my mouth practically falls open. It is impossible, is it not? He has said it. We don't have hearts. We can't have feelings. He isn't able to love me.

    But I think about it some more. I mean, what do I feel for him? It's more than physical, no matter how many times I've tried to convince myself otherwise. The more I think about it, the more I know it's true. It has to be! What else could it be? I would die for him! I would, no I will, protect him with everything I am. I throw myself into his arms, trying to convey my true feelings with that one movement, but I know it isn't enough.

    "Xem, it's not ridiculous. It can't be, because I love you too. We can prove the world wrong! We can defy the limits! Nothing we have is fake, and together, we have the world. I'll do anything for you. Believe me, it has to be true. Because if it isn't... well, I can't believe in anything but you."

    I can feel him smiling, just as I can feel chilling tears dripping down on my shoulder. I hold him tight. Tighter, maybe, than I have to. Forever, I will stay by his side.

    Forever, I will be his.