• You were the only face I’d ever known,
    I was the light from the lamp on the floor,
    And only as bright as you wanted me to be…

    He was so handsome, in the brightness of the sun. His hair, like midnight, shone radiantly against his milky skin. His eyes, glistening sapphires, sparkled beneath feathery lashes. At that moment, there was not one thing in the world that could compete with his perfection. He was the synonym to beauty, purely angelic…and although I could never hope to deserve him, he held captive the broken remnants of my heart. I’d been stepped on, hurt, had my heart torn in two…but he could change me. Only he, the one that I loved.

    She was looking at me, her hair soft, brown, laying limp across her pale face. She blinked, hazel brown eyes brimming with anticipation…she’d been after me for so long. When would she give up? It was hard to tell her no…to see the crushed look on her face. It only reminded me of the way others had treated me. Ignoring me, turning me down…I knew all too well the way she felt now…but I couldn’t lead her on. I couldn’t pretend, no matter how much the truth would hurt. She was a good person...we just weren’t meant to be together. At least, that was what I forced myself to believe, as I turned her down once more…

    But I am no gentleman,
    I can be a p***k,
    And I do regret,
    More than I admit,

    He stopped, glancing back at me once more. I braced myself. I had called out to him for so long, and for so long he had turned away. I had tried so hard…it was not in my nature to give up. Despite my broken soul, I kept the smile on my face. I waved…hoping, wishing that he would wave back. Just a wave, and I would be happy. No more than a smile, and he could brighten my day…He lifted a hand, motioning me over. I could feel the blush, my cheeks burning, beet red. There was no way…this beautiful creature…could it be that he was acknowledging me at last?

    She walked to me, brightness showing in her face. She was lovely, in her own way. How would I be able to hurt her like this? Her face was that of a shattered soul…her eyes clouded, hiding the pain her heart held. I wished that I could help her…but it was not something I knew how to do. The years had calloused me…I was no more than a stone, living and breathing, but harder than brick. My voice was ice, despite my attempts at warmth. What was wrong with me? I watched on, emotionless, as tears poured silently from her eyes.

    You have been followed
    Back to the same place I
    Sat with you drink for drink,
    Take the pain out of love and then love won’t exist…

    Another break in my heart. The tears poured, silver pain from my eyes. I should have known. This one was no different, he was the same as the rest. The sobs gave way to a dull ache, sitting in the pit of my stomach. He walked away, silent. It was as if he had no emotion. Did he not understand how much this hurt? I had been doing so well…my life was in tact, I was finally on the right track, and he’d had to ruin it. And then I was alone. The darkness engulfed me. Alone…alone…the tears began to trickle down once more.

    I was aware of her pain. Every sob she let out tore a hole in my heart. But I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t love her…she wasn’t mine. I loved no one. Pain…the only thing that came of love was pain. She should have known that…I could see that she’d experienced it before. She was alone, as alone as I was. That was the way I preferred it…alone, so that I could never again be hurt.

    Everything we had,
    Everything we had,
    Everything we had,
    Everything we had,
    Is no longer there…

    No one was near…I was utterly by myself. I ached for someone to talk to, someone who would understand. There was no one. Nobody cared. The world swirled by, dancing with brilliant colors, but all I could see was black and white. I wished it would stop. I wished it would end…I was tired, exhausted from the dance. All I wanted was to lie down. To fall asleep, and to never wake back up.

    I had to stop. The thoughts…they hurt me, tore open tender scars. Wounds that had lessened in pain. Lessened, but never fully healed. I knew that they could never heal. The girl…I had to forget about her. She was not my business. Being that delicate…it was a sue way to have your heart broken. She had to become tougher, or the pain would be there forever.


    It was the only place I’d ever known,
    Turned off the light on my way out the door,
    I will be watching wherever you go,
    Through the eyes of a fly on the wall…

    I was done. I walked through my house, touching the things that were mine. Photos…journals…I tore out the pages haphazardly, throwing each into the envelope that lay in my hand. Memories…nightmares…I wanted to leave it all. Leave it, but let him know. He had hurt me…he needed to understand. I took the marker, jet black, and scribbled his name across the front. I would never be fully gone…he needed to know.

    It had been so long since I’d felt. Emotion…I’d blocked it from my life, avoiding it at all costs. I did not like pain…it was strange, unfamiliar. I had always hated things that I did not know. It did not matter what she thought. She was merely a girl, unimportant to me. She was nothing. She did not need my sympathy.

    You have been followed
    Back to the same place I
    Sat with you drink for drink,
    Take the pain out of love and then love won’t exist…

    It was over…I had spent so long on it, all for the one who had broken my heart. Despite it all, I loved him. I would never stop loving him, so long as my heart kept beating. He was all I wanted, all I could ever wish for. And because of that, I could not go on. A final sob racked through me, and I pulled the trigger.

    I heard it, somewhere in my subconscious mind. I knew, and yet I ignored. It didn’t concern me, I told myself, over and over. She didn’t matter at all. If I had known what she would do…maybe then I would have cared. Maybe then, I could have stopped her. But I did not know. I was to concerned with myself, to selfish to believe that I could have caused something so terrible.

    Everything we had,
    Everything we had,
    Everything we had,
    Everything we had,
    Is no longer there, longer there…

    The pain was momentary. I saw the red, seconds before my vision went white. the liquid pooled, soaking into the blue of my jeans, staining the chestnut floors, smearing across his envelope. I clutched it, still, even as I lost consciousness. I was relieved. It was over, everything. It was all over. I took my last breath with tears in my eye. Goodbye…

    It was frustrating. I was becoming anxious, paranoid. I couldn’t keep her out of my mind. I closed my eyes, and I saw her face. Slowly I came into realization...I loved her, the beautiful girl with the broken heart. I would tell her…Tomorrow, she would be mine.

    Well you saw for yourself the way it played out.
    For you I am blinded,
    For you I am blinded,
    For you…

    I looked for her with panicked eyes. Where was she? Why wasn’t she here? I sat in my class, fidgeting, thinking of her. Wondering when I would see her. The teacher stood up, cleared his throat. Then he told us her dream...her nightmare. To me he handed an envelope, stained with blood. Her blood. Across it, in her handwriting, was my name.

    I am no gentleman,
    I can be a p***k,
    And I do regret,
    More than I admit,
    You have been followed
    Back to the same place I
    Sat with you drink for drink,
    Take the pain out of love and then love won’t exist…

    She was dead...I found that I could finally cry again. My emotions poured, breaking the dam that had held them for so long. I had loved her…and yet, I’d killed her. My tears mingled gently with the stains of hers on the papers. I was horrible. I would never forgive myself.

    Everything we had,
    Everything we had,
    Everything we had,
    Everything we had,
    Everything we had,
    Everything we had,
    Everything we had,

    She could have had so much…we could have had so much. If only I’d told her how I felt. If only I’d let her love me. She would be here, in my arms. I tacked the photo to my wall, where I could look at it for hours. She was so beautiful…and yet I'd let her go.

    I’ll be with you wherever you go,
    Through the eyes of a fly on the wall…

    She would always be with me, in my heart. I knew that even now, she was my angel…my beautiful angel, watching from the stars. She'd loved me…even when I could not love. Even when love caused her death. She'd loved me, and saved me from my own darkness. She'd loved me...and that was enough.