delusiOnal- Opening

• Artist: IceyTalonz
• Description: Aha! Finally, something that I'm TRULY super proud of! :D This is the opening to a story I was working on... I like how I started it, but the rest sort of... doesn't work for my wordy style. So yeah... And I KNOW it's short. The part I like ends right there, so nyeh.
• Date: 12/26/2008
• Tags: delusional opening rain storm voice

tab A terrible howling gale rang through the hills as streaks of electricity flashed across the blackness above, lighting the scene in purple. The murk that had once been solid ground sloshed about as a fearful child fled from the raging weather. He was drenched clean through his thick, unruly, black hair and his bulky turtleneck, but he ran on still, squinting just one of his deep brown eyes in an attempt to see through the pounding rain. He could hear the voice again, so clear, so pure above the angry sky.
tab "Help us…" it called out, echoing across the land and implanting itself into the boy’s head. He could not ever forget that voice.

Comments

[Wicker Chair]

I like this excerpt a lot.
compelling style and voice.
i'd like to see more like it.

[IceyTalonz]

Ah, Zweit, I see what you're saying. I actually wrote this a little while back, but I guess I never noticed just how redundant that was. |D; Perhaps one day, if I ever stop being lazy about it, I'll fix that up.

The rest of the story, I'm afraid to say, was rather difficult for me to imply this writing style into. It's not nearly as descriptive or wordy, and I'm not good with dialogue, so it kind of... exploded. I'd be embarassed to post any more of it anywhere public. |D;

[Zweit]

This actually make me curious how the rest of this story goes. I like this little snippit.

Only complaint: if you mention that he's only squinting one eye to see it's rather redundant to mention that his other eye was closed in the next sentence.