• I stretched my right arm forward, as my body lay on this worn
    mattress. Everything is dark for the time being. My eyes begin to twitch with
    the daylight seeping through the windows. My head's in a slight daze, as
    it always is in the mornings. The first thing that comes to mind is
    the same thought that rushes through my head every morning, "I hope
    someone is watching me...". This weird fantasy of being watched upon whilst
    I awake is something I've had to cope with for the last few weeks.
    Maybe the mirrors are taking their toll on me, eating away and making me
    more self conscious about every action I take. Maybe these years of
    loneliness and emotional storage are finally finding their way out of the
    confines of my mind. I don't know, I don't know.

    My right arm brushed up against something soft as I stretched it past
    my head. Any other day, I would have mistaken it for a pillow and gone
    back to sleep. Today, though, something was different. I turned around,
    and as my face jerked over, my heart stopped. There she was. I must be
    dreaming, I must be dreaming. My eyes darted back and forth as I
    examined her beautiful face. My mouth formed the letters of her name, but I
    did not hear the spoken word, as if it was blurred out. Her eyes opened
    up and met mine. I was stunned by her sheer beauty. I don't want to
    wake up, if this is some sort of dream.

    We stared at each other, face to face. I began to scan lower and
    noticed she was wearing a silk bathrobe and slept underneath the same
    blanket as me. I was a bit confused as to how this happened, but what I saw
    was no match for what I've wanted - which was to be in this very
    situation. I directed my attention back to her face and gathered up the energy
    to speak to her.

    "You have the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen..."

    That's all I could say. I've wanted to hold her and kiss her for so
    long, but always held back and never even tried to get close to her. Even
    in close situations, I was a coward and left her alone. I wanted to
    put my hand on her leg while at her house, and my arm around her
    shoulders at the movie theatres. I've wanted to be close to her for so long,
    but without having to ask for permission or acting against her will. I'm
    a gentleman at heart, but full of lust and greed. I want her for my
    own, now. I want her to be mine. I'm greedy and only think of my desires
    now. I forget that other people have thoughts, other people have
    consciences, other people have doubts. Other people are judgemental, but I am
    the one who's been judging myself. My heart aches. Time to let the
    desires take their course.

    She looked into my eyes and spoke, "Dean, I know you want me. I know
    how you feel. Take your hand and feel through my hair, go ahead, do it
    now."

    I couldn't hold back. I pushed back her hair and ran my fingers
    through it. It was so soft. I continued to look into her deep, dark eyes,
    awaiting my next command. I want her to be happy. I want her to be happy.

    "... You think about me all day long. I bet you think about touching
    me, holding me, kissing me, don't you? Well, it's my turn now."

    She pushed my hand aside and touched my face, sliding her fingers down
    my lips and across my neck. She leaned in, her face now only
    centimeters from mine, her breath slithering down my neck. I've told her
    everything, now. Everything dark, everything hidden, everything locked away.
    She knows what I want...

    Without notice, she began to nibble on my ear. My breathing became
    faster, my mind was in a rush. Faster she bit, faster she licked, faster
    my heart paced. "Close your eyes" she wispered into my ear, and within
    seconds my eyes were closed, everything was dark. Something rough
    wiggled over the top of my head and roped itself around my neck. "Okay, open
    your eyes now." As my eyelids opened, I looked down to see a thin rope
    tied around my neck. It was a leash of some kind, and she held the end
    of it.

    "I love you" shot out of my mouth. My mind was oblivious to what was
    happening. My love for her has blinded my judgement... or maybe I knew
    what was happening and enjoyed it. She was mine, after all, and I
    allowed her to do such things to me. "I love you too. Now you have to trust
    me, my love. Show me how much you love me." The blankets fell over the
    side of the bed. I could now see her body, something most men would lie,
    cheat and steal to see, but I am not like most men. I did not drool
    over her feminine parts like some dog, but rather embraced her beauty all
    over.

    She hopped onto my shirtless chest, rubbing her hair against my
    stomach. She was so soft. Her face slowly managed her way up my body, and
    rested on my shoulder. I turned to her. "... don't cry, Dean" she wispered
    as tears filled my eyes. A reflex, I guess. I was not sad. "I hope
    this is what you want" I said, mesmerized by her beautiful eyes still.
    "Dean, you make me happy. You cheer me up when I'm sad. I want you to be
    happy now, ok?". I smiled a great big smile and leaned my face in a
    bit...

    We kissed. My first kiss. As my lips met hers, she held a firm grasp on
    the leash. She would pull it back every few seconds, forcing me to
    lean back in for what I desired. She loved me, and I loved her. I didn't
    need control. I didn't want control. She took care of that for me...