Memories

• Artist: Pandora the Wonderful
• Description: Its the first one in a series I've wanted to do, please comment even if you hate it.
• Date: 07/10/2009
• Tags: memories heroes pain

Running. Pant, pant. Tripping "Ouch!" stinging, getting up, running again. "Heh, heh." I heard something coming. "Die!" Pain, blacking out. Waking up looking aruond. Thinking; where am I? Voices, "He doesn't remeber anything?" "Nothing." "How will he save us?" "I don't know?" Memories rushing back to me, I am their savior? I don't know what to do and the people are coming in. "Its so good to have you back...."

Comments

[Coryen2]

ground.

Landing heavily into a bush of stinging nettles. I gasped in pain before hauling myself up and continuing to run. I had to keep moving. If I didn't, they would catch me and all would be lost.

As a rough chapter plotline though, it definately has potential.

[Coryen2]

It could use more descriptions and paragraphs. The actions are okay, but it would flow better if you were to turn them into complete thoughts, for instance: "Running. Pant, pant. Tripping 'Ouch!' stinging, getting up, running again." would become something along the lines of:

My lungs burned as I ran from my pursuers. My breath became ragged and sweat began to run down my forhead, making my eyes sting. Sweeping my arm up to wipe away the sweat, I tripped over a root sticking out of the

[Mr Thelma]

I like it.
smile
5'd

[Pandora the Wonderful]

Comment even if you hate it. Pwetty pwease.