• I stand hidden in the darkness; outside of the restaurant. Staring at her making that genuine smile, that joyful laughter. For so long that I’ve been watching her from a far, I couldn’t help but smile; as I see her having a happy and wonderful life with her love. The one who saved her from the life I gave her.

    They always look so happy and more of a couple than the time we were together. I let out a small laugh as I remember the fun times we had when I tease her a lot. Ah, how I loved those days and now they are just memories, which I can’t go back to. I felt my eyes starting to water so I tried to shake my thoughts out of my head before looking back at her. I shouldn’t cry of regret right now. It’s their anniversary. I should be happy for her so I shouldn’t cry.

    I kept still in my place, staring at her as the times I had with her came flashing right before my eyes. In that same table, in the same occasion, in this same place I stand. This is where I first saw her smile and laugh like that again. As I look at her back then, I already knew. This person who came forward to talk to her, is the person who will take her away from me and treat her better.

    It happened last year and it was our two years anniversary. I was running late because of this emergency I had that afternoon. I tried to save this child from being hit by a speeding car. I did save the kid but I didn’t see this motorbike coming at its side. I came at the restaurant an hour late but then, I already saw her talking to this man who I remember, was the one who also came forward when I got late in our anniversary the year before.

    When I got late in our one year anniversary, I really did forget because of a part time job and college. I thought she wouldn’t forgive me when I came thirty minutes late. Good thing she did or I would have killed myself. With that incident, I promised myself I wouldn’t be late anymore. Weeks had passed and I got busier and busier that I haven’t got the time to go out with her. I could only leave a few messages or even just drop by for a while, just to be dragged out by work after a few minutes.

    I know she loved me, but she wasn’t hard to read. She wasn’t that lively anymore. Not that happy, her smiles looked genuine but I can see they were forced and fake. It started to make me uncomfortable and panic. I started to think of how I could make it up and bring back her smiles, her laughs, and her usual self that I fell in love with. I didn’t want her to suffer like this. I promised to make her happy, to always be there for her and to always make her feel loved. I just then realized I haven’t even done any of those properly the past months. I didn’t even make her feel special on her birthday. I’m so stupid!

    When I went to that table, she stopped and the man left us alone. I knew it could end right there. I could still remember the look she gave me. I didn’t know how to explain to her why I was late but I started with a sorry. She didn’t even look back at me. I remember everything after that. She whispered a few words before standing up and leaving out the door.

    I could still remember what she said, word from word,     “I’m tired. I’ve been living up with your apologies, and now I can’t forgive you anymore. I’m sorry.”

    I sat down on the chair beside me smiling as I congratulated myself for losing someone I really love. I then took out this small box, wrapped neatly with expensive wrappers of her favorite colors. I stared at it biting hard on my lips as tears started to fall from my cheeks.

    I still have that box in my pocket right now. Still wrapped neatly with those wrappers. I slid my hand in my pocket and took it out as I stared at it again. I didn’t get to give this to her. I looked back at her from this dark corner, and she was looking gorgeous. If I showed up early that time, I would have given her this, and maybe now, I’m still the one with her there. I could have still be the one she loves.

    I placed the box inside my pocket again as I started to walk to my car. The car started to move and as I looked outside, she was right in front of me. I could tell she was surprised to see me. Time slowed down as we were staring at each other but it didn’t last long. The car moved faster and our gazes broke. I wanted to tell the driver to stop but maybe it is better this way. She’s more happy with him, I shouldn’t bother her anymore.

    But there is still one thing I want to tell her… My love, this heart still beats for you.