Forbidden love

• Artist: Yume no purinsesu
• Description: About a werewolf and a young were cat
• Date: 02/14/2010
• Tags: forbidden love

it was my eighteenth birthday and I went on exploring in the darkest forest of America. "how did i bring myself into this?" I hissed under my breath. "Oh yeah I wanted to go on an adventure." I whispered. Did it matter where I was? Nah all that mattered was I was scared. my head began to pound uncontrollably. my eyes narrowed, "How am I going to get out of this?" I wondered. i looked around and I felt my body tingle. "Not now, I am in a middle of a forest Packed with wolves." I muttered to my self. i felt fur growing. I tried to fight it Hissing and spitting. "I should be able to control it by now! I've been a werecat for 13 years!" I screamed to myself. But then I gained control of it. "what..." I muttered. then all of a sudden before I could blink I heard the trees rustle. I turned into a were cat now that i was able to control myself. But strangely it took some energy. then i saw a Werewolf. he saw me and growled. "Here kitty kitty." He said in a menacing tone. I hissed ready to strike. then I heard a warm voice behind it. "Alec?" the voice said. "yeah little brother." He said turning his attention from me. "Leave the kitty alone." He said. "yes brother." He said. i turned human knowing it was safe. "I hope he didn't..." He said looking at me. "Hurt you..." he said. i stood up. "I'm fine." I said. "good to know." He said his eyes were following my waist line. his eyes finally traced my lips studying them. I lifted an eyebrow. he finally shook from his trance. "your entrancing. May I know your name?" He asked. "My name is Helen. what is yours?" I asked. "Sam." He said. "Sam." I purred.


Thats all i have so far tell me what you think so far.

Comments

[x_Graveling_x]

Not that bad, needs more description, and you should probably split the dialog into paragraphs to avoid confusion. The beginning when she's talking to herself is a bit awkward, maybe put some of it in italics to indicate she's thinking it instead of just weirdly talking to herself a lot..

[kittycross]

This story could go somewhere very good, I can see that you have adefinite idea in there, but I think first you would need to research your subject matter as well as learn the proper use of a comma. One thing the Twilight books have done is give kids some strange and silly ideas about nature , biology and 'good' writing.

[salior_moon_girl]

Intriguing and Dark so facinating