best friends death

• Artist: teh gurl in black
• Description: one vampire one werewolf in the 1800's will not be good
• Date: 04/01/2010
• Tags: vampire wolf

me:its not the mark!!
mom:yes it is!!!
me:why me....
mom:its because ur cursed!!
me:not my fault!
mom:i know
me:fine
mom:get some rest...
me surprised k ok fine!

i run to my bed room stareing at the mark on my neck thinking in my head 'great now im a vampire!'.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~midnight~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
mom:come on i'm thristey and hungrey!
me:same here!!!
mom and me run out the frount door as we ran to the woods i had a feeling a wolf was neer i was right... my mom went home and i stayed out. i ran around the woods for a little while then stared to walk home just as i start to walk home a wolf jumps on my back
me:no!!
wolf growls and bites my neck. i slash its face with a blade i had in my pocket. i ran home just barly makeing it and on the frount step the wolf jumped on my back and tore me to shreads and the wolf died from the slashes in HER face.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~next moring~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
mom:i wonder were she is...

she looks out the window and see's blood everywere and my head and my body torn to shreads she looks over and my best friend sarah was laying there with slash marks on her face...

Comments

[teh gurl in black]

:/ ok thanks tho

[Gwenwyfar1992]

It has a good idea. But it needs some work. It has poor structure but it has a possibility. I know its tough to put your work out, but this isn't to be mean. I applaud your courage. For example, instead of: me- its the mark!!! Try putting a name ie= "Its the marks," I bellowed at the top of my lungs but why? See that gives more emotion into the scene, and it reads offer better.