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tab Tiny, shimmering beads of water burst from the rock as the wave crashed against its side. They flew up then crashed into the water and melted like a dream into the abyss below. The ocean was golden against the hues of the sun as it unfolded its rays upon the breaking waves. The water fairies bathed in its light, dancing gracefully on the surface of the wave before diving into its soft relief. Below the surface, the water flushed iridescent, the rays reaching into its depths and illuminating the dark places. The dolphins and the sirens swan neck to neck, relishing in their shared company. Even the sharks were placid and playful, gently nipping one another and chasing prey fish through the water as sport. Within the coral, hundreds of thousands of brightly colored fish darted in and out of the coral in synchronized dance. The sun glittered off of their brightly colored scales, flashing their colors boldly through the water. the sight could be seen from over a league away.
tab However, the more important sight was seen elsewhere. Far down the coast of the O'Brithin and upriver to the dock of a little town called Muwal. Here, although not far from the sunny shore, the sky was dark with unnatural clouds with jagged edges and a faint green hue. The trees shivered against the wind, clinging together in fear. In the town, people huddled together in whispers, then they all scattered to their homes. The shops were lcosed and the square deserted. The lights in the windows were dowsed, and the doors, locked. The guard at the tower stood overlooking the town, his chain mail hanging loosely around his body, and his sword held limply in his hand. Fear held a staunch cinch over his heart and he trembled as he looked towards the dock. A long riverboat glided across the water towards him.
tab The hushed its voices, and the river lay perfectly still. The boat made small waves across the surface as it stole silently across the water to the dock, then stopped, without any sign of assistance. A tall man, muscularly built, appeared on the helm. His armor was of a simple brown color, tightly fitted across his chest. the stark outline of his muscular body was intimidating. A long black cloak hung down his back. A woman strode up beside him. Her figure was almost as intimidating as his, yet it was subtler, more beguiling. Her long black hair hung down her back in gentle curls. Her voluptuous curves were carefully accented by the radiant gown of cobalt she wore. Her cape was black as well and drug slightly along the grounds as she walked. As she joined his figure, he moved aside to let her take the lead.
tab The guard on the tower stood overlooking them from his vantage point. His trembling paused for a moment as he looked on the beauty of the woman. Suddenly she looke dup at him; their eyes met for an instant. The guard could feel an uncanny tightening in his throat. He dropped his sword and began groping wildly for something to grab on to; his gaze never leaving her's. He leaned against the wall for a moment as his body convulsed for several secods. Then, the movement in his body ceased, and his eyes saw no more. He dropped to the ground as the woman and the man passed through the gates unhindered.
- by Alaura1694 |
- Fiction
- | Submitted on 09/09/2010 |
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![](https://graphics.gaiaonline.com/images/arena-images/ic_paper_corner_32x32.gif)
- Title: A Change in the Tides
- Artist: Alaura1694
- Description: This is an excerpt from the first chapter in a novel I'm trying to write.
- Date: 09/09/2010
- Tags: myth magic suspense fantasy
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Comments (1 Comments)
- Fallen Protagonist - 09/20/2010
- It seems you might have gotten a bit carried away with describing things. It's just that nothing actually happens in the first several paragraphs. You didn't divide your paragraphs correctly, but if you had, there would have been around six paragraphs before the armored man enters the story. If you'll study classical literature, you'll get a better understanding of how, in describing things, less is more.
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