• RISE OF THE SUN


    It was a stupid idea.

    I’m going to die, any second now some weirdo’s going to jump out at me and stab me in the back then steal my wallet to go buy more drugs. ... That was kind of mean. Geez, I’m not exactly far off from ending up on these streets myself, I shouldn’t be saying – or rather thinking things like that.

    I pulled my jacket closer around me, the bitter air whipping my face as a gentle breeze blew through the valley that is this town. When I reached the station, the walkways were all blocked so I pulled myself over the fence and scurried along to the ticket machine. I took my ticket and validated it before I curled up beside it and waited for the train.

    I had half an hour to wait so I tried keeping my mind off the alcohol pulsing through my veins by playing meaningless games with myself like how long you can go without blinking before you feel like crying. Then, I suddenly felt morose and hateful and looked around to see if there was anything near me that would distract me but all I could find was an empty beer bottle. I was hesitant, there were so many things that could go wrong with it but I ignored these worries and grappled for the bottle. I smashed it against the bench beside me, clenching my eyes shut as glass flew in every direction before I picked apart the remainder of the bottle. I took the largest shard within my reach and pulled up the sleeve of my jacket, hissing in pain as the fabric dragged over the raw wounds. I held the shard of glass tightly in my hand before I pressed it into my wrist, dragging it up to the joint before I pulled it away. I watched, neutral, as the blood pooled and slipped away from me before I continued, this time cutting horizontally rather than vertically.

    I kept going on like this until finally I was shaking too much to hold the now blunt shard of glass. I felt the warm tears slide down my cheeks as I pulled down the sleeve of my jacket again and the pain rippled through me. I have no chance to dwell on it however for the train arrives and I stagger onboard, collapsing in the closest seat before I curled in on myself and tried to block out the world while keeping an attentive ear to the announcements of stations as the train rattled along the tracks.

    When the train arrived at my station, I dragged myself off the train before I headed along the bike track at a particularly slow pace. When I had looked at my phone on the train, the clock had read 4:23am and when I reached the street where my destination was, it was 5:51am and the sun was finally rising. I sighed heavily and made my way across the road and down the street, rubbing my head tiredly as it throbbed.

    Shouldn’t have drunk so much before I left... Though if I hadn’t drunk so much I probably wouldn’t be here anyway, I thought to myself before I stopped, turned and looked up at my destination.

    Reilly’s place.

    The family cat was still sleeping on the front porch steps so I assumed no one had gotten up yet – I’d spent enough time at Reilly’s during the school holidays to learn the family’s routine and it always left me wanting something like that at home but I knew it could never be. I sighed heavily before I went and perched on the bottom step, resting my head against the pillar of their veranda and pulled out my mobile phone, tapping the screen aimlessly before I sat up straight and sent Reilly a message – as I had done many times before – announcing the rising of the sun.

    I promptly received a message telling me to go away which made me laugh softly before I stood up again, pacing slowly as I waited for Reilly to come outside to let the cat in. I jumped slightly when I heard the front door open. I turned and looked up at Reilly sadly, confused when he ran down the front steps and hugged me to him tightly before I remember why he must be so shocked.

    How could I forget I’m covered in blood, I wondered as I carefully moved to hug him back but the second pressure was applied to my arm, I ripped myself away from him and looked up at him shamefully.

    “Immy, what happened? How long have you been out here?” he asked worriedly, concern flooding those beautiful blue eyes.

    “Only a little while,” I whispered, pushing my hair back over my ear before I began to fiddle with the hem of my sleeve.

    “Have you been drinking?”

    I nodded and looked up before I shrugged. “And cutting... Guess it’s not a real great idea for a depressive to be drinking huh?”

    “It doesn’t matter,” he murmured, smiling softly before he gently took my hand in his. “Come on, we’ll get you cleaned up and then we can hang out for the rest of the day, if that’s okay with you?”

    “But what about school?” I murmured. “And what about your parents, I don’t wanna get you in trouble...”

    “Did you really have any intention of going to school half drunk with lacerations in your arm? And my parents don’t care. I’m at least passing all my subjects at the moment and I haven’t been caught skipping for about three months so they won’t care if I explain that I’m looking after you,” he paused, looking deep into my eyes. “They care about you too Immy, they wouldn’t wanna lose you either.”

    “C-Can we just clean this up?” I murmured, looking down at myself. I had no desire to talk about that kind of stuff.

    Reilly smiled, grasping my hand tighter before we went inside, quietly making our way through the house to his bedroom. I sat down on the edge of his bed while he quietly rummaged through the bathroom cupboards before returning with bandages, disinfectant and cotton balls. He closed his bedroom door behind him before he helped me peel off my jacket and we carefully began cleaning the wounds.

    “Were they meant to be this deep?” he asked quietly as he gently mopped up some blood with a tissue.

    “No, I was drunk and scared... I didn’t think I was actually gonna get here for a while...”

    “I can understand that,” Reilly replied. He glanced up at me, his eyes hiding behind his dark fringe as he smiled softly. “I’d be a hypocrite if I didn’t, huh?”

    I smiled back, pulling back my hand and watching sadly as he cleaned the wounds. “I hate her for what she did to you...”

    Reilly stopped and pulled away but he didn’t look at me like I had expected him to. He gathered up the used cotton balls and threw them in the bin next to his door before he came and sat down again, carefully winding a bandage around my arm.

    “I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I didn’t mean to ... I should just stop talking shouldn’t I?”

    “Don’t worry about it... I can understand – now – why you would hate her for what happened. I’m your best friend, right? Friends don’t like seeing friends get hurt...” He slowly looked back up as he pinned the bandage down. “I’d feel the same way if someone hurt you like that... Though I’d hope you wouldn’t become a distant, self-loathing idiot.”

    I cracked a smile, watching as he did too. “I’d hope not too, but I know that if I did you’d come and snap me out of it.”

    “Yeah probably.”

    We fell into silence then. The rest of the house awakened slowly; Reilly’s parents in the kitchen cooking breakfast, his sister in the bathroom next door blasting music from the radio and us sitting here like nothing else was happening but our gazes being fixed to the white bandage around my arm.

    Suddenly, Reilly moved towards me, his hand against my cheek as he pressed his lips to mine. My heart was racing but calmed down once I realized what was happening and I kissed him back, carefully slinging my arms around his neck. We stayed like that for a few moments before we broke the kiss as Reilly’s dad, Grant, knocked on the door.

    “You up yet, Reilly? Breakfast’s almost ready if you’re interested.”

    “Is there enough for one more?” Reilly responded as he hooked an arm around my waist.

    “Uh, should be, why?”

    “Immy rocked up this morning, had a rough night. It’s okay if she hangs out here today, right?” Reilly winked at me, smiling.

    “Yeah that’s fine, I’ll call her mother though, just to let her know where she is. Breakfast’s ready when you are though.”

    “Thanks Dad,” Reilly called back finally before he smiled down at me, hugging me close again. “It’ll be okay, Immy.”

    “I’ll believe you,” I murmured in response as I hugged him back, feeling at peace for the first time in a long time.