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Furiously my heart bounced back and forward in my rib cage, sweat poured out of every pore on my body, and my eyes fluttered forcefully into a dulling pain. Everything felt as if someone has set me on fire and I knew my time was up. I was frightened as my heart tempted to give out. I gritted my teeth and shut my eyes even tighter as I began seeing my life flash before me. The last picture I saw was a boy so handsome it almost hurt emotionally as physically the pain. I couldn't remember his name and that seemed to make me panic more than being on the verge of dying. WHAT WAS HIS NAME?! I cried out in my thoughts. Johnny? NO! Jack? NO! Oh yeah, Jonathan!
«JONATHAN!» my voice broke out hoarse and high.
Saying his name felt like a relief from all this pain. At last I felt in piece and I let my heart go out like a candle. Bye, I thought to myself, I will see you again one day. I slowly drifted away into the darkness and remembered the handsome young man. I will never forget you, I said even though I only reminded myself, I will never forget you.
I woke up, strangely feeling empty and painless, and stood up from the location I lay. I looked at myself and then noticed that I was awkwardly clean. I don't remember anything that happened the night before and I can't remember who I am or why I'm here. Some how this all felt familiar but nothing cam to mind. I dusted myself off and decided to walk around and look for anybody. I wonder through the mere 6 bedroom house and nobody seemed to even breathe around here. Every inch of the house was covered in thick dust and the furniture was all covered in white sheets. I decided to snoop around the basement but my surprise I didn't even need to open the door because I went through like some kind of ghost.
Then it hit me. OH NO, I'M A GHOST! I was really dead! How? I don't know! When? I had no clue! I ran to the way back and opened the first boxes I saw. I found portraits and family and then me. looking at how old this stuff looked and decayed I must have dead for more than a century! I wanted to die even though I was dead. I ripped open boxes and boxes until I came upon my records and more pictures of me.
Birth Certificate:
name: Scarlet Mc Beth, Ross
born: Septemeber 21, 1887
After that I couldn't read anymore. A immense headache clouded my head as memories little by little formed back into my skull. AHHHHHHH! I screeched as ever memory and even thought burned back into my skull. I could feel my brain on the edge on fire until it stopped to the day before my death. I lay in the dark basement crying. How did I die? what happened to me? so many questions swam around my mind. I began to dig in that box the painful memories of what I had before it was all taken away. Than I saw a picture of Jonathan.
Jonathan, oh my fiance! I cried and I knew i desperately wanted to see him. I ran straight through the doors of the house until I finally reached the front door. I couldn't go straight through it so I tried to open it. As I opened the door there was no outside just a parallel universe with no ending. the house was surrounded in darkness. I wailed and begged and shouted. in was stuck here forever. I sulked slowly to my fiance' s room to see his pictures and his memories. surprisingly I saw something I didn't see before.
A small diary stuck out of a floor board. I read the last entry of his journal.:
She was my beloved, she was my love but I had to do it. I had to! If I didn't she would have left me for another man. that man named Jonathan! I Daniel will not stand for this! she must love me or die without me. I'm going to poison her food tonight. I love her too much to see her with another man.
Daniel? My best friend?! I mourned sourfully.
- by LovelyGhosty |
- Fiction
- | Submitted on 01/12/2013 |
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- Title: Empty on the inside
- Artist: LovelyGhosty
- Description: It's about a ghost is has no memories about her death or her life and wonders the world to find a purpose for herself.
- Date: 01/12/2013
- Tags: empty inside ghost sadlove
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Comments (1 Comments)
- all purpose soy sauce - 02/10/2015
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Your story sounds interesting so far! Although, there's still a lot of room to improve on and add. There are also a few punctuation and grammatical errors, but I won't hold that against you.
The sentences are a bit too simple, and you repeat "I" a lot. Don't worry, these are common and easy to fix mistakes. I suggest using more literary elements to make your sentences more complex and more detail to build suspense.
Good luck~!
I give "Empty On the Inside" 3.5 out of 5 stars! - Report As Spam