It Hurts

• Artist: james554554
• Description: A slightly sad poem i wrote about a year ago, when i had the worst breakup ever. I am male, so i doubt you think it is good.
• Date: 07/28/2008
• Tags:

At first all was well
We held hands, laughed, loved, and lived
We strangely grew further apart as time
The homosapiens worst enemy
Showed that we thought that we should be, but
Were not meant to be
So there while conversing
You came up to me
And shattered my healing heart
Crushed my dreams of a steady relationship
I hoped it was a cruel joke
But unfortuanatley i was cursed to be alone
I became very weak
Untrusting of the world
Until someone else came
And picked up the pieces

Comments

[Jumpy Ghost]

T.T thats very sadd... and it IS good, no matter what gender you are. you have a right to express yourself in any way that you choose

[bear of the black cross]

i can relate

[selene_queen_of_a_lost]

wow i kno how that feels and gender has nothing to do with your inspiration

[BETALOVER_96]

ok

[Fancy danny]

i love as a friend ur awsome and so is this

[Miss Fro]

Nice, but needs some work. The rhythm is off and some parts don't flow nicely. The word 'single' doesn't fit the tone you've set. "Alone" would fit better.

It's on it's way to being really good, you just need to go back and redo some of the punctuation and word choices. Grammar is very important in poetry as it sets the pauses.

You have something, work on it =)