Travel the World

• Artist: Overworkedandunderpaid
• Description: Not one of my favourite peices:
  
  I suppose this peice was more of a happy moment, especially compared to my other poems, I don' particulalry like it but it will do.
  
  Review and I'll return the favour.
• Date: 11/28/2008
• Tags: travel world

Helping hands have long since past,
It’s time to find your way,
Wander along and find the path,
Find the bright light of day,

Run your circles for yourself,
Alone is where you are,
You might never see another morn,
The knowledge leaves a scar,

Travel the world and see for yourself,
The wonders that lie in wait,
You must pass, ignore it all,
Ignore the luring bait,

Walk and run, drag and crawl,
Yourself across the world,
Fight against the depression,
The deepest sorrow unfurled,

In the end you’ll find your fate,
The illusive dream of life,
But on the way be prepared,
To fight your way through strife,

Sayly~

Comments

[PaperSongs]

I'm not one for the term, and you know it... but O...M...G...
Seriously? You wouldn't let me read your work normally even if it was twice as good as this...

[Gravetye]

So, watch the overuse of commas. I think you did the same thing in your other poem you have up on here, and they tend to interrupt the flow of the piece. For example, "Travel the world and see for yourself,/ The wonders that lie in wait"--There shouldn't be a pause between the two lines. If you were writing it as a sentence in an essay, you wouldn't have put the comma there, right? Poems should be written the same way.

[Lex2442]

its okay i dont like itm uch but 4/5

[littlebunnyfoofoo9]

It really seemed like a happy moment!!!! It was VERY nice!!!!!
5/5

[woopdy]

I think it's realy good. Keep it up!