Want to Know a Secret?

• Artist: cuete23
• Description: by far one the best writings that i've done
  -----rate and comment please : ) ---------
• Date: 02/12/2009
• Tags: secret

I'm so sick of these lies
so sick of the fights
so sick of crying at night

Trying to find help
that's why we scream and yell

Looking at the empty glass
that once had
juices that abuse us

Feeling the taste of the blade
running across dead flesh

Sensation, temptation

bleeding eyes
hatred inside

Livivng in a shithole
there's nothing blissful

Everyone is hated

by one, by two and by a few
No one knows, but me and you
of all that we've been through

Everything we've seen and heard
was infered

As the direction to take
but all we did was a mistake

Is this all they have?
We're making our own path,
we're making sure we'll pass.

We won't be left behind,
thats why we fight.

To move on and emulate,
we control our own fate.

Comments

[purple zebra412]

its really good and very captivating- i lyk it-ur a good writr

[cuete23]

hey i asked for what people think of it so thx ill take your advice and work on it more

[Devi D_16]

This is just constructive criticism ok? Please don't get mad at me:
"Trying to find something that helps
But nothing helps" It's a little awkward with two 'helps' rhyming together...maybe find something that explains a little about what could help?
"Feeling the taste of the blade
Runs across dead flesh"
Maybe say 'That runs...' or maybe 'running...' Besides that, It's well written.