• I
    need you to know
    I don't let go of things
    In fear of repetition.
    I need you to know
    I barely speak,
    Afraid to say the wrong words.
    I need you to know
    The deep wounds in my soul
    They are not all from you.
    I need you to know
    I'm not always that blooming flower
    If I am ever.

    I need you to know
    The clawing within my stomach
    The burning within my throat
    The stinging within my head
    It's the constant memories running it's course
    Taking advantage of me
    Until I'm nothing.

    It's a repeated phase that randomly hits
    The time of it,so unpredictable.
    Proving how I regret so much more then I show.
    Proving how I think too much and to the worse possible situation.
    It tears at my walls until I'm more vulnerable then a turtle without it's shell.

    I need help rebuilding that shell
    But when I finally ask for help
    They take chunks of pieces instead of recreating
    Until they are tearing at the surface for so long,with so much forced
    It turns into deep wounds that leave regretted scars.

    These scars I wear on my body
    To remind me of the pain I went through
    With myself and others
    To remind myself just how far I went just to fail
    Leaving a bit of me behind with each event

    One day
    I will finally believe those
    Who say 'it will get better,just hang in there.'

    One day
    It will happen
    Without hesitation

    One day
    I will realize
    I do deserve better
    With myself,not just others
    I deserve to be free from this nightmare
    I deserve to be awoken to a world free of these scars
    Free of these problems
    Free from myself


    When that day comes,I'm not sure.
    I'm doing my best to get there,if it really happens.
    But I know when that day comes
    It will be amazing and worth the wait.
    Hopefully I will make it to that day
    Doing so,I will finally be happy with myself and free of pain.
    But until that day comes
    I need to find a way to truly recover from these wounds.
    These memories.
    There scars.

    That way I can proudly be free and say

    'There is no longer a purpose for the pain,because there is no longer pain.'