A Feeling for the Dead

• Artist: Agrikar the Hidden
• Description: My newest piece, written upon the morbid idea that The Dead are all the wiser, and should not be mourned, but instead, we should mourn the living, because we continue on in ignorance, through suffering and through war, watching friends during those times--brothers--die in our laps, and leave us behind to the aforementioned ignorance and suffering.
• Date: 07/22/2009
• Tags: feeling death ignorance life natriantaffelow

A Feeling for the Dead
By N.A. Triantaffelow

Remorse the Living--
Those alive and suffering
Pain passing, again and again,
Again and again,
That only apathy numbs our wounds.
Remorse the Living--
Those fighting and dying
Brothers in laps, slipping and slipping,
Slipping into that final sleep,
Because we fight for 'just causes'.
Remorse the Living--
Those ignorant and naive
Smiling from day to day,
Day to day,
While brothers die from 'just causes'.
Remorse the Living--
Because death is the only true peace we shall ever know.

Comments

[F a t a l D e c o d e]

I really liked the style of this poem, and the pace is very well thought out. You managed to make good use of repetition without overdoing it (like so many others do), so I definitely have to praise you for that. The message was clear but presented in a way that made me really sit and think about it.

[BigMouth12349]

4/5. It could have flowed a bit better, but all in all the message you were trying to tell came across loud and clear. The lines just seemed random and mushed together, as far as the length of each line goes. I can't write poetry to save my life, so i applaud you for it, excpecially when you write such a deep and meaningful message!

[Trexasle]

...I think I just crapped myself this poem is that scary...But it makes you wonder and that...Is what writing should do...good job

[Agrikar the Hidden]

Lol, I shouldn't have been so lazy; I noticed that a little bit after posting it, and hadn't gotten around to it till now D:

[Diosa de Armarrio]

Very good... Depressing, I'll admit, but very good. I like the idea you're trying to get across. I would've given it a 5/5 if "apathy" had been spelled right... Still very good, though.

[BatzLove]

i understand the point you're trying to get through. this is a very lovely poem. ^^ i wish i can rate it higher.