Close to your heart

• Artist: demonchild2424
• Description: can u tell me if im good!idk if i am D:....is it better?w/ punctuation?
• Date: 06/06/2010
• Tags: close your heart

In the dark i reach out...
What do i feel?
I feel your cold hand
I grab it...
Hold it close to my heart till its warm

You grab my hand
You hold it too....
Close to your heart
The difference is....
You never let go....

Comments

[demonchild2424]

thanks!!!i need all the help i can get with my poetry!!! ur a great help!!

[Ealdwic]

I agree; I feel it needs a bit of work. The repetition idea wasn't a bad choice - the whole you grabbing their hand, and they grabbing yours. But it doesn't quite work, yet. If you used some punctuation in there, it'd look cleaner. "In the dark, I reach out... What do I feel? I feel your cold hand." <- Things like that! Also, you spelled 'too' and 'it's' wrong. I think that if you made the ending more dramatic, maybe typing "The difference is... You never let me go.' it would sound better. 3/5!

[Salornix]

It's a bit sketchy, and the tone of it is somewhat dreary and bland. Spice it up with some colorful verbs and adjectives! 5/5 anyways cause it is good

[Da_Kurlzz0502]

idk if its good but i liked it smile