• I can't say I love him, or I'm in love with him
    because that implies him loving me back
    but if it isn't love then what is it?
    a petty crush with adrenaline times two thousand?
    is that even possible?
    after two years of the same gut wenching feeling
    you think it would end
    and you would also think it would end because
    I hardly see him
    with him at a different school
    and living two towns from mine
    you think this amazingly wretched feeling
    would vanish
    but every time
    I hear a song he sang, see his name
    or think about him in anyway
    it comes back to me
    I've tried running from the truth
    I've tried standing tall and trying to face it
    but everything I do
    EVERYTHING I DO
    can never keep me away from him
    everywhere I go there is something to remind me of him
    to remind me how a foolish mistake
    made me lose the thing I want most in this world
    the one thing I thought could make me escape
    from all of the negative attitude, & events taking place in my life
    what if I'm just being foolish
    I know I can handle this negativity on my own
    I've done it for 15 years
    maybe it's just my lonely lost soul
    looking for someone out there to relate to
    maybe I would just like company
    while trying to deal with all this nonsense
    I feel like it's to late to even try
    to even try to start all over , from the beginning
    because in a couple of months
    I'll be gone 5 hrs from him
    & miles away
    where I have to start all over
    but maybe it's for the best
    maybe after a year or so
    I'll be able to forget about my soon to be old life
    here
    I really have no clue what to think anymore

    if I'm not in love with him
    and I don't love him
    then is it just some petty crush
    or have I fallen & just haven't got back up