Unwanted

• Artist: Lady Knight Faelynn
• Description: This is my 3rd poem. I won't even get into what happened with this one lol
• Date: 03/10/2011
• Tags: unwanted heartbreak heartache love relationships

I've tried to explain
How you can make it better
Though still you refuse
And you choose to stay with her

You say you hate to see
Me lying in pain
And you know how to fix it
You could have me again

Every day that passes
Is another piece of my heart
Just seeing you with her
Completely tears me apart

You try to real me in
Saying there's still hope
And that I shouldn't give up
Temporarily try to cope

But then a day later
You'll say it's not the same
You'll claim you still love me
But your love for me has changed

Hearing that from you
Tears me up inside
These feelings are hard to explain
And all I can do is cry

Why even bother
If she makes you so happy
You choose to stay with her
So why try to uplift me

For any time you try
It always ends with hurt
You'll make me think one thing
Then you'll make me feel like dirt

For this, I should hate you
And many times I try
I try to hide my love for you
But I know that's all a lie

Before, we were happy
And so full of love
Now that's all disappeared
And you make me feel unwanted

Comments

[Night Dreamer Mystery]

Very relatable. I like how you kept the storytelling simple and direct without any like extreme metaphors so that others can feel your message. I got thrown off at the end.. but I could tell it was intentional to bring attention to it (overall, I agree with Alaerion). Not sure if I would have used 'unwanted' for the word to deliver the lasting impact.. but it works all the same. Nice job.

[Lady Knight Faelynn]

Yea that's actually what I was going for. I wanted something a little different so I intentionally broke the pattern in the last stanza. I have a few other poems like that too. Some poems rhyme and others don't. Mine just has a little bit of both smile

[Alaerion]

While not a fan of the poem because I know what it's about, I think it's well written and I like the breaking of the pattern in the last stanza. For one it makes it stand out, getting the reader's attention and alerting them that's something's up. Also, since it breaks the pattern it kinda magnifies the feeling of being disowned or "unwanted"

[tNPPmule]

I think it was amazing smile But you might want to try rephrasing the last stanza, in all the on the preceding poem, the 1 and 3, and the 2 and 4 lines rhymed, but you broke the pattern in the last one sad
4/5