• All i had went out with those words or at least what i thought was all i had. These feelings and emotions swirling inside of me over flowing making me feel as if i am an empty shell within this human frame. I can feel everything every pain, every line, every fiber of this being. But I choose not to feel anything because it's over whelming, when your guarded heart finally was open and it flowed like ad un ending sea.

    Though i say i don't care, i truly do, but i rather not face the fact that i am alone without someone to hold me, when i need it most, not having someone to truly talk to when i have no other to turn to, yes i have friends whom i share most things with, but inside i have deeper thoughts and feeling then most could handle. I let myself tell who i really am, and now i'm left here standing with just my shadow, and sometimes she doesn't even listen.

    When is it enough to just be yourself and have them tell you "I truly see you for who you are, and love you for that person you are and will become. Thats honestly what i ever really wanted, not to be told this once and then they see my flaws and recoil away. All i am is human yes i have flaws, yes i am stubborn, yes i have trouble expressing my emotions, and yes its hard for me to love, because being hurt time and time again, but not only that i have done the same, where i begin to see someone then pull away the next day, call me cold if you choose, but that is the price i have to pay for being hurt and a heart that never truly healed.

    I am still learning my way through what i see and lays before me, all i can do is be myself in hopes that someone will see me for the person i truly am, it wasn't ment to be i suppose with who i was with, but i have learned and i am grateful but still hurts because i honestly thought i had found true love but it wasn't just a smoke and mirror tick, yes there was love, but it wasn't enough to be called true love. Is there really such a thing as true love? can one truly love another so much that you'd be willing to give up everything to be with them? In stories yes, and somewhere in this world there are those lucky enough to have found their true love. But as for me i have yet to find that one, i am not sure if i will ever find them, all i can do is wait.

    I honestly don't want to waste anymore effort on a relationship that won't work out, it takes to much out of me, and honestly i am to tired to even try, i gave it a final chance and it blew up in my face, whatever reasons that transpired between them and i, it happened and so what? still ended the same, i'm pretty sure that i know the true reason.

    so after all of what i have said above, i need to come to terms with myself and find what it is i need to figure out and follow my own heart for once and not depend on the love of someone other then those who truly love me.. My family and friends. Love will have to wait...

    Also thank to whoever reads this, i just needed to get this off my chest, so thank you very much