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 Posted: Sat Jul 26, 2008 11:33 pm
Welcome back Sanzo.
And I'm hearing it right now Ciel. And it would be the next step I assume. But basically... the "phase", if it even is one, is when a queer person does his (scholarly he) best to look good and perfect, hoping that the goodness will counteract the "flaw".
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Posted: Sat Jul 26, 2008 11:34 pm
It's not a flaw, though. ;_;
*patpat*
I get what you mean, though.
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Posted: Sat Jul 26, 2008 11:37 pm
I know it's not a flaw, and to be quite honest, looking at myself, I don't think it's the gay that causes it.
Heh... Like many other people, I just have my faults that I need to fix. Stress-induced cigarette smoking or gin-over-drinking (bad idea by the by), or otherwise.
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Posted: Sat Jul 26, 2008 11:39 pm
@Lin are we talking about the time when a gay person doesn't WANT to be gay because their religion says its wrong? I had a lesbian friend in high school who did that and it... frustrated me because I felt she wasn't accepting herself and I couldn't seem to help her through it
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Posted: Sat Jul 26, 2008 11:40 pm
=) Any time I catch myself acting sort of "stereotypically" queer, I get kind of upset. I don't really want to be like that, but at the same time, there's nothing wrong with being that way. =s So it's a bit like fighting with yourself.
Drinking is tempting when I'm stressed, but luckily I can't really afford it. x_X I have other coping methods that aren't so healthy, though.
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Posted: Sat Jul 26, 2008 11:40 pm
It's less of a religious thing than it being a maybe-if-I-look-so-good-and-amazing-people-won't-shun-me-as-much-for-being-gay kind of thing. Basically trying to counterbalance a flaw by overwhelming perfection of other areas in hope that people don't look at it.
Edit: I think, for a gay stereotype, I fit the bear one pretty well. Though I do have my "queeny" moments, though those usually appear when I'm either drunk or doing housework or kitchenwork.
It's not good to have unhealthy coping mechanisms; I still have one I struggle with. But unfortunately, it's hard to break out of them (speaking from experience). Though I'm pretty sure you knew that already Tae.
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Posted: Sat Jul 26, 2008 11:44 pm
ah I see and as for being "stereotypical" when I have those moments as a Mexican I just brush it off and move on... or make jokes about it, people are who they are just because they follow stereotypes doesn't mean anything. If anything stereotypes piss me off because that makes people assume things that aren't true.
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Posted: Sat Jul 26, 2008 11:46 pm
=3 You're all scruffy?
I'm a total fairy when I'm on ecstasy. x_X It's awful. Luckily I don't touch the stuff anymore.
You're right, it is hard to break out of them. It's easier to just keep on dealing with stuff that way than to break in healthy methods.
Sanzo: I'm not sure I'm really familiar with any Mexican stereotypes since there isn't much of a latin community here.
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Posted: Sat Jul 26, 2008 11:46 pm
...I think that it'll have to be purely for yourself that you do these things; it's been my experience that anyone who wouldn't shun you for being gay just 'cause you're look good isn't going to necessarily be someone you want to worry about anyway... People who know how amazing you are won't care about who you date, and people who hate your sexuality generally won't be swayed. :shrug:
Basically, be yourself unless YOU think it's something about yourself that needs to be changed. And Tae, if you have any stereotypical things you do, what bugs you about them? (You look reasonably "butch" from your photos...) smile
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Posted: Sat Jul 26, 2008 11:49 pm
I dunno if I'd say scruffy, but then again I've never been very good at describing myself physically. I suppose I do generally look pretty scruffy though, depending on the things I need to do for the day. Sometimes I just think it's laziness, but I'm not that lazy when it comes to appearance.
I understand Tae. I still have the unhealthy habit of keeping things to myself, and overworking to forget about problems. I've gotten better over the years, but, for me, I'm fighting a more-than-twelve-year-old habit.
Edit: Wise words as always, aretoo. :3 And speaking of what I look like I should really get some pictures up. I just never have any that are... well... that I think are good enough without being flattering.
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Posted: Sat Jul 26, 2008 11:49 pm
*huggles aretoo*
I think a lot of it has to do with how I was raised. Being "masculine" is good, being anything else makes me "girly" or a p***y or whatever. The logical part of me knows this is ridiculous, but it's hard to get past it sometimes.
Most of it is just stuff that only I would notice.
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Posted: Sat Jul 26, 2008 11:52 pm
The thing I try to remember is people, in reality, don't care as much as you think they care about it (when it comes to outside appearance and whatnot, that is, or... um... you know what I mean). But, once again, I fail at following my own advice.
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Posted: Sat Jul 26, 2008 11:54 pm
Hehehehehe Let's see, Tae, I grew up in a farming community, graduated with under 100 people, my entire extended family hunts (I camp, but don't hunt, as I don't like guns), my dad's an NRA instructor, I've belonged to a rod & gun club since I can remember, I'm the only member of my immediate family that hasn't been on a bowling league, and I am/was an Eagle Scout. Wouldn't know anything about the "being masculine" thing. rofl Basically, I just figured out that the general population is made of idiots, and I have to be myself. mrgreen And I know it's hard to get past, but it can be done.
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Posted: Sat Jul 26, 2008 11:54 pm
It's actually more about how I see myself. Or how my father would see me. =/ Which is messed up, since I really don't want to think that I care what he thinks.
And I'm bad at wording things, too. I didn't quite mean scruffy as in unkempt, just...hairy? x3 I don't know anything about bears.
Overworking and keeping to yourself, sounds like it would just add stress.
Aretoo: I think masculinity/femininity is usually more societal than anything else, anyway. =3 I grew up in a similar sort of area, I can kind of relate. Except we were more fishing than farming.
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Posted: Sat Jul 26, 2008 11:56 pm
*sigh* I really don't know what to add to this conversation
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