Favorite Quotes

[Soultrain]

In light of the recent made-up holiday designed to make your parents feel guilty about their car, I thought I'd tell you just how P-for-P gets small firearms into the paws of our planet's most adorable, and most unarmed, creatures.  

[Whats..Her..Face!!]

For every dollar you give to Pistols for Pandas, we laugh at, 'cause, like, what good's a dollar gonna do?  

[Soultrain]

And then we all reverse flank, drop trou, and the insurgents should surrender! Any questions?  

[Whats..Her..Face!!]

Yeah, can we let Blue Laser out so we can maybe have some fun for once?  

[Lord Derpingsworth]

I CAN'T SPELL YOU!!!  

[Whats..Her..Face!!]

My real dad just bought me a new car because he felt guilty about all the wrongs he done. He bought it at a guh'ment auction!  

[Soultrain]

DRIVER'S ED'ED...DEAD  

[Lord Derpingsworth]

A glue stick,
some glitta paint,
words cut out from a magazine.
BFF carved in a tree,
That stands, for BOM FOM FROOOSH
A port-a-John, came to life,
Put on a play with So and So
Unfortunately they didn't
get very good reviews.
Whatserface, at staple sauce,
a heaping bowl of staple sauce.
And that crazy learner's permit girl,
gave me a ride to Babbage's.  

[Soultrain]

What?! They don't got no Turbografx games?!  

[Whats..Her..Face!!]

Say, you got a girlfriend? Well, what if your girlfriend was a wooden spoon and an orange plastic bowl? That'd be really weird, man. What kind of screwed-up kid are you? We don't recruit your kind! Get out of here!  

[Soultrain]

Whoa! Wah! Bennedetto! Did you get a hold of some bad third-style rations? Keep that mess down, soldier! Keep it down! Ahh! Ahh! No! The Cheat, run for your life!  

[Lord Derpingsworth]

What's up with that trench coat, Bubs?

uh...I'm a public flasher!

Yeah right, you ain't got no nudity under there!

Alright alright, you got me.

Just as I expected! Totaly legit looking stuff!  

[Whats..Her..Face!!]

Just as I suspected! Totally legit looking stuff! Where are the human noses? The misspellings? The choking hazards?

That's the kind of stuff I usually sell at the concession stand. This is the black market, man!

So, wait a minute. Your shady bootleg operation peddles quality goods, while your legal store front sells dangerous crap?

Exactly. I got a repatation to uphold!  

[Soultrain]

Will The Cheat have an adverse reaction to that ferret ointment?

He'll swell up like a balloon.

Then give me two cases!  

[Whats..Her..Face!!]

So, we finally shut down Bubs' operation. And not just because he was an unlicensed unlicensed seller either. Guess what all those piñatas were stuffed full of....Homestar?

Broken glass, broken glass, broken glass, broken glass.