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 Posted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 3:26 pm
I have a fiance.
We used to see each other and talk to each other every day, but due to financial problems and recent events, we see each other a lot less.
Because of financial problems, I can only call him ocne a day, and can only see him once or twice a week.
This arrangement is not only because money is tight, however. My fiance also arranged this in order to help me. I am very needy and dependant, and have few real friends at school. My fiance does not attend my school. I depend on him in order to cope with daily life.
Not only does he feel suffocated, but he also wants to prepare me for when he goes to college and gets a job.
It is very hard on me because, like I said, I have few people I can talk to/relate to. He is not just my fiance, but also my best friend.
Coping mechanisms for depression and separation anxiety would be greatly appreciated.
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Posted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 3:41 pm
I would really appreciate a response.
I could use some help right now...
*bump*
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Posted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 3:55 pm
Yep. *sigh*
Still waiting.
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Posted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 7:57 pm
Not sure if my advice will be much help seeing as how I'm an oxymoron (I have a clingy personality but I'm anti-social and have a phobia of physical contact) but I'll try.
Always found writing down poems or little stories that don't make much sense helps, it takes my mind of whatever was depressing me then again I'm not the most normal person so sweatdrop
Sorry if that doesn't help...
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Posted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 8:02 pm
In a way it's a good thing, but I understand your feeling of lonliness.
Are you able to right each other letters? That's always a suggestion...this uses little to no money (stamps are like, 36 cents or so and envelopes aren't that costly)
But I hope you guys are able to stay together ^_^
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Posted: Thu Nov 22, 2007 4:20 am
Nerevar Fatehand Not sure if my advice will be much help seeing as how I'm an oxymoron (I have a clingy personality but I'm anti-social and have a phobia of physical contact) but I'll try. Always found writing down poems or little stories that don't make much sense helps, it takes my mind of whatever was depressing me then again I'm not the most normal person so sweatdrop Sorry if that doesn't help... Every little bit helps right now. 3nodding I do that, too. I often write down thought fragments and put them all together in a pseudo-journal. They don't make much sense, either. sweatdrop
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Posted: Thu Nov 22, 2007 12:30 pm
maybe you could try some relaxation techniques? Like when you are seperated and feeling increasingly anxious, try focusing on your breathing, concentrate on something else. Maybe make a plan for the day that will take you up to the time that you see them again, so that you keep busy and focus on the tasks and not on the seperation.
Maybe try doing something like going for a run, it will keep you busy and give you time to think. You could try meditation, try to figure out why you feel so dependent on him and try to decide if you really are that dependent on him.
Not sure if that helps >.<
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Posted: Thu Nov 22, 2007 12:48 pm
there was a time when I had co-dependency issues in my marriage. it drove my husband crazy. we separated mainly because of it, tho there were other issues as well. anyway, the separation was very good for me and I almost didnt get back together with him (because I was afraid the other issues would continue).
I guess what I'm saying is the best way to beat co-dependency is to show yourself that you can not only have a life by yourself, but that you can function and succeed in that life by yourself as well. it's one thing to miss someone when they're far away, but in order to cultivate independence you cant let that feeling grow to dictate every other aspect of your life. it's really not up to him to prepare you (and there may even come a time when you actually resent his constant efforts to get you to let go).. it's up to YOU to prepare you.
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Posted: Mon Nov 26, 2007 4:47 pm
it sounds like he is frustraited because he dosent know how to help. he is slightly right part of being married is having some one you can allways turn to no matter what a spouse should be your closest companion. but allways relying on one person because you lack certain strengths and are to afraid to help yourself is for lack of a better word unhealthy. maybe you should try strengthening other friendships you already have. it would probably make him feel less suffocated and help you feel more comfortable around others.
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Posted: Fri Nov 30, 2007 9:01 am
Calypsophia there was a time when I had co-dependency issues in my marriage. it drove my husband crazy. we separated mainly because of it, tho there were other issues as well. anyway, the separation was very good for me and I almost didnt get back together with him (because I was afraid the other issues would continue). I guess what I'm saying is the best way to beat co-dependency is to show yourself that you can not only have a life by yourself, but that you can function and succeed in that life by yourself as well. it's one thing to miss someone when they're far away, but in order to cultivate independence you cant let that feeling grow to dictate every other aspect of your life. it's really not up to him to prepare you (and there may even come a time when you actually resent his constant efforts to get you to let go).. it's up to YOU to prepare you. Thank you, this was very helpful! heart It is good to hear from someone who is married and who has been through something similar.
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Posted: Sat Dec 01, 2007 6:39 am
Nariko914 Calypsophia there was a time when I had co-dependency issues in my marriage. it drove my husband crazy. we separated mainly because of it, tho there were other issues as well. anyway, the separation was very good for me and I almost didnt get back together with him (because I was afraid the other issues would continue). I guess what I'm saying is the best way to beat co-dependency is to show yourself that you can not only have a life by yourself, but that you can function and succeed in that life by yourself as well. it's one thing to miss someone when they're far away, but in order to cultivate independence you cant let that feeling grow to dictate every other aspect of your life. it's really not up to him to prepare you (and there may even come a time when you actually resent his constant efforts to get you to let go).. it's up to YOU to prepare you. Thank you, this was very helpful! heart It is good to hear from someone who is married and who has been through something similar. good! I'm happy I could help smile
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Posted: Wed Dec 05, 2007 7:31 pm
I know you won't like what I have to say, but I feel I must add my opinion. If you're having financial trouble and are still in school, postpone the wedding. You need to spend time with yourself. If you lean on him for everything, you will fail when he isn't there.
Also, you can try making those stories into true stories. Perhaps submitting something filled with emotion to a publisher could get you some money. These are a couple of my suggestions. It seems to me that you are currently binded by your relationship. You feel like you HAVE to be with him when you have the chance. This isn't good. You should only be with him when it's convenient. I realize you love him, but you have to be independent, too.
As for friends, you should join a school activity that interests you. It's a great way to make friends.
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Posted: Wed Dec 05, 2007 8:54 pm
Guardian1239 I know you won't like what I have to say, but I feel I must add my opinion. If you're having financial trouble and are still in school, postpone the wedding. You need to spend time with yourself. If you lean on him for everything, you will fail when he isn't there. Also, you can try making those stories into true stories. Perhaps submitting something filled with emotion to a publisher could get you some money. These are a couple of my suggestions. It seems to me that you are currently binded by your relationship. You feel like you HAVE to be with him when you have the chance. This isn't good. You should only be with him when it's convenient. I realize you love him, but you have to be independent, too. As for friends, you should join a school activity that interests you. It's a great way to make friends. Great advice... If you lean on someone you'll eventually fall... Becarefull
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