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Okay, so perhaps I'm the idiot when it comes to this little tit-for-tat relationship I have going on with *Dustin.
For those of you who don't know, you can find my previous complaint here - http://www.gaiaonline.com/guilds/viewtopic.php?t=10796755

Anywho.. He was only supposed to come back to visit (He had moved away to 'clean up'), but once he got back to Virginia his room mate decided to kick him out, and brought all his stuff back. So, he moved in with his Aunt, and has been trying to get a job.

He's been back for about two and a half weeks, and already he's been breaking promises to me.

Before he even came back, I told him this would be his last chance - that I was tired of having my heart stomped on because he couldn't make the right decisions. Well, he promised to stop drinking and doing drugs (again). But within the first few days he was here, he went out and got drunk with some of his old 'friends', and proceeded to lie to me about it. (How do I know? My neighbor is very truthful.)

Now.. I let it slip because I know its hard to stop doing all that stuff, but what really pissed me off is that he lied to me, even after he knew I knew the truth.

I tried to explain to him that as long as he was hanging out with his old 'friends' he was never going to clean up, because they were going to keep dragging him back down to where he was last. He said that wasn't true, yadda yadda.

But see. Two nights ago I was talking to my neighbor again, and randomly he was like "So, are you and *Dustin going out?" And I told him no, that I didn't want to title our relationship until I could trust him, and know he's really stopped everything; but we were working on it. And he goes "Oh.. Well.. He's trying to hook up with some girl named *Shay" So, of course, I call *Dustin up and ask him about it, and he's all "Yeah, I like her. She's cool" And then turns around and goes "I only said it to see if you would get jealous. I love you, you're the only girl for me." And it just downright pissed me the eff' off, so I hung up on him.

Well, lastnight after I got home from our thanksgiving dinner, my neighbor Im'ed me and was like "Um, so you know, *Dustin's been drinking tonight, and he's at *Shay's house trying to get with her right now. He's going to stay the night there" Which of course, totally ripped my heart in two right there and then. So, I called him, crying, and told him I gave up.

He was hiccupping, and basically sounded really messed up on the phone.
But, he asked me why, so I told him he'd been drinking and he was with a girl I didn't trust him with anymore. And he started contradicting everything he said.

First it was "I'm drinking because its thanksgiving" And two minutes later, "I'm not drinking! I haven't drank at all tonight!"

And then "Yeah, I like *Shay*" Then "No, I'm so over her. I love you." Then (Again) "I only said I liked her to see how jealous you got"

Well... Needless to say I told him I gave up, and hung up on him. He didn't bother calling back (Mind you, the entire time we were talking he'd start laughing and yell at one of his friends)

So, he calls me up today, and asks if he can come over (I'm assuming he doesnt remember much from lastnight..), and I tell him no. He starts freaking out saying he doesnt want to deal with my complaining, and that he didn't do anything wrong. So.. I told him that if he wanted to fix things, then to come over. But if he wanted to leave them how they were, not to talk to me anymore.

I'm pretty stupid, arent I?

I really do love him, but I am tired of getting hurt from all of it. What I don't understand the most is, if he truely doesnt care about me, why in the effing world is he trying so darn hard to get on my parents good side again? Just so he can gain their trust and continue stomping all over my heart at the same time?

Uggg...

EDIT!!!!

Okay.. So after all of this, I ended up talking to him on the phone for a few hours. He told me he'd start going to AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) to prove that he can be a better person.

Should I trust him?

It's almost been a year since this stuff started..

He has no reason to drink.
His only reason is because he enjoys it.
And, if you went through the same things I've been going through with him.. I doubt you'd be telling me to keep faith in him.

I've known him since I moved here; around the age of one. He was two or three. I've known his entire family for most of my life, and they all love him very much. Literally, the only reason he has to drink is because he likes it.

He doesn't care that it hurts other people, because if he did, he would stop. People don't want to give up on him, but when he's nineteen and sneaks into his parents house to throw a party while they are away; trashing the entire place.. It's hard not too. He also looses all since of mind when he's drunk; he gets mentally and physically abusive.

After the last time he attacked me when drunk, I refuse to go around him when I know he's drinking. So I can't help him.

He always waits until the last minute to try and fix anything, too. Like this time.. After I told him I gave up, he said he'd start going to AA if I stayed with him. But I know how it'll end.

It's been nearly a year since we started 'dating', and all he's done is depress me.

I dont want to give up on him, becuase he's an amazing person when he's not drunk.

I just dont know if I should trust him with this.

I've -been- trying to get his mind off of all of it - he just cares more about drinking and his 'friends' then he does me.

Believe me, I've been doing everything in my power to help him. And he's nineteen, his parents can't do crap for him anymore. They can't force him into rehab like they could if he was underage.

I need advice because I dont know what to do to make him realize. He always waits until the last minute to try and 'clean up' but then all of his so called friends stop talking to him so he goes back to it. and he doesnt understand as long as he talks to those people he'll never get clean. And its not like I can be mean to them, because it'll turn him against me.

And yes, i know that. But seriously. He has NO reason to drink aside from 'its fun'.

Seriously.. something doesnt have to happen in someones life to make them party animals.

I like to go out and do things with him - but its difficult because he always wants to go to a party. (BIG NO), or a concert. And I'm nervous in big crowds. Like, I have nervous break downs and start crying and trembling. So I can't go to places like that to keep an eye on him, nor do I want to be his babysitter.

It's not easy. It really isn't. And I don't know what to do anymore. He's not really going to go to AA, he just said it so I'd stop yelling at him. (Mind you, I only yell when he ignores me because he NEVER listens when I just talk.)

Wtf?
Love isn't a behavior.
People can love another and not do anything about it.
Love is a feeling when you have deep compassion and concern for someone. Of course its so much more tied into that one word.
But how the heck is love a behavior?
No one is going to slap your wrist going, "You need to stop behaving so love!"

See. That's the problem.
Everyone keeps telling me I can do better then him - and perhaps they're right... But it doesnt mean I want too. I need advice on how to solve this - other then leaving him. I love him, and its not easy to abandon someone when you truly to love them. I just don't know what I can do. I've already left him alone for a good three to four months, and that didn't work. Infact, his drug and alcohol use worsened. I don't want him to die, just because his support is gone. But I don't know what to do to support him anymore.