Does sex really always complicate things?

[Trish the Stalker]

Is it truly possible to have sex that doesn't complicate things emotionally?
Can you have sex that doesn't ruin a friendship or create feelings?
Does sex always make things more complex?

Speaking from experience, I've never had sex with anyone that hasn't changed the way I felt about them unless I was already in a relationship with them. I have most definitely had sex with people that has not affected the way I feel about them. The problem is, they are the ones who get weirded out by it and act differently the next day. Then again that could be how I was affected and I could have been perceiving weird behaviours that weren't there at all.

I however do believe it is possible to have sex that is just sex and come back the next day and everything is just the same, the odds of both parties feeling the same are just very slim to none.

Scientifically however, there is a release of endorphins and hormones during sex that are supposed to make women feel more attached to the man that she's slept with and men are supposed to get a "fight or flight" response and either feel more attached or like ditching out the next morning.  

[Kalstolyn]

Kals is questing again!

I can really only speak to this anecdotally, but in my experience and based on the whining of my male friends, sex usually does complicate things because typically the girl gets the "I want you to marry me and give me babies and love me forever" syndrome, even if it's just secretly in the back of her head, and she starts sinking her claws into the guy, and the guy either runs screaming from the commitment or wants to tap that again... Sometimes the guy reaction occurs without the sinking-in-of-claws. I have only one friend with whom I have had sex and the relationship isn't either weird or nonexistent. That one guy I actually dated first, the sex was lousy, we had no chemistry, so we broke up and decided we make better friends. I went to his wedding this past summer, actually. Everyone else either wants into my pants again or has ******** off into the great unknown, which is fine with me because I get sick enough of the "we should go for coffee and catch up" conversation that ends in "no, your idea of coffee involves me giving you a BJ and I'm really not interested in sex right now" as it is.

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[God-Raped-Me]

I'm a firm believer of the whole "sex is supposed to have meaning behind it" thing. I just don't see the point in letting someone see your body and then letting them just walk away. If you want sex that bad, just whack off for a bit.

I feel that sex is an act that should done between two people who deeply care about each other. You really have to trust the one your with to open up so much. You're dropping all boundaries and making yourself vulnerable to said person. So doing such a thing with a stranger seems stupid.

 

[Thaliat Everwood]

From conjecture from others, supposedly sex complicates things. In my personal experience however, that has not been the case.

I think it depends on the circumstances of the relationship as well as the maturity of the individuals involved.

That, and the complications aren't generally the sex, but the things partners learn about one another after the sex because they are more willing to reveal their truer selves after they are intimate enough to be sexual together.  

[Indigo Project]

Thaliat Everwood

I think it depends on the circumstances of the relationship as well as the maturity of the individuals involved.

I couldn't agree more. The people involved and the situation surrounding it is always different.

In my own experience, I find it does complicate things. It can create strong emotional attachments, which can be damaging for the person feeling them if the feelings are not returned by the partner. Also, in less liberal-minded social circles, this can create awkward tension between friends.  

[tyaselax]

I don't want to sound cliche, but I would have to agree and say that yeah, you can't have sex and not get at least 'concerned' about the other person.
HOWEVER, if the two are wise, then they would talk first about everything that leads up to sex so they know where each other stands. This way there shouldn't be much to any complications should they go 'farther'. I have had 'one-night-stands' and its because of comunication and understanding each other prior to it that their wasn't any problems afterwards, but I also must say i ended up with a new friend each time, not a best friend but a friend to which we agree on certain things.
If there are those who can have sex without recieving 'anything' emotionally from it, then they're basically screwing a prostitute.  

[Alarias]

God-Raped-Me

I'm a firm believer of the whole "sex is supposed to have meaning behind it" thing. I just don't see the point in letting someone see your body and then letting them just walk away. If you want sex that bad, just whack off for a bit.

I feel that sex is an act that should done between two people who deeply care about each other. You really have to trust the one your with to open up so much. You're dropping all boundaries and making yourself vulnerable to said person. So doing such a thing with a stranger seems stupid.

Hmm I can see where you're coming from. I personally would never have sex with someone I didn't trust to some extent but, I wonder if maybe this has to do with one's own personal opinions about themselves.
I am not comfortable exposing myself so completely to just anyone but, there are people who are completely comfortable in their own skin and would not feel as though they are exposing any sort of vulnerability to another by sleeping with them.
So, would someone who is very comfortable with their own nudity and physical desires be able to distinguish the physical act from any emotional involvements?

I think that it's entirely possible for this to be the case. Someone who does not have many reservations about their body might not necessarily put such importance on an act that involves exposing it to someone else.
So, I think casual sex without complications is possible...I don't know how likely it is but, I think it's possible at least.  

[Kalstolyn]

Kals is questing again!

Casual sex without complications: perfectly possible. Casual sex WITH A FRIEND without changing the nature of the friendship: highly improbable.

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[Devious Deviant]

Having sex with some guys change the way I think about them.
Questions like do I want to become closer to them?
Is this friendly relationship gonna change just by having sex with them?  

[narwhalsrnasty]

it depends on the circumstances as said earlier. like a math equaltion wher e the variables are people place and time.  

[Boss O-Ren]

I doubt you can just have sex and it has absolutely no emotional effects. When you have an orgasm, oxytocin is released and it's basically the chemical that makes you feel attached to someone.

Maybe it doesn't affect guys as much because they're like rabbits when it comes to sex sometimes, but I think eventually you inevitably feel something. You might not feel something for that person you're having sex with, but you might start to long for someone whom you'd like to actually share the experience with.  

[Kalstolyn]

Kals is questing again!

Having sex does not always lead to having an orgasm and for some people (particularly women) having sex NEVER leads to orgasm. You are basing your argument on a false assumption.

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[TheHellDevil]

It really depends on the people involved. If they're willing to be honest and up front about it, I don't see why it must evoke emotions of/related to love.

I can personally have sex without having those emotions, but I prefer to do so with someone I'm already friends with. Unlike what Kalstolyn said, it's worked for me. The reason I prefer to do it with a friend is because I already know him/her well enough. Among my many friends, I would only choose someone that would be rational enough to understand that it's only out of physical need and wouldn't become overly emotional. If that fact is made clear - along with other guidelines like stopping the agreement once one of us gets a steady significant other - I don't see how it could cause huge problems.  

[Ysarie]

Boss O-Ren

I doubt you can just have sex and it has absolutely no emotional effects. When you have an orgasm, oxytocin is released and it's basically the chemical that makes you feel attached to someone.

Is that the latest pro-abstinence sales pitch?

Seriously, oxytocin is overrated. If it wasn't, we'd be knee deep in babies, because no woman would ever be able to contemplate not having one. First sign of a baby or even a young animal and she'd be having sex with any male in sight trying to conceive her very own ocytocin inducer.

It all depends on what you *really* want. If you're really, honestly uninterested in a relationship, then no, sex doesn't complicate things unless you have the misfortune of getting hooked up with someone who was lying to you (or themself) about what they wanted. The problem is that a lot of people tend to lie to themselves or to others, hoping that things will turn out the way they want, and then get all sulky when they get exactly what they were told would happen.  

[Kalstolyn]

Kals is questing again!

Hey, I didn't say it was impossible, I said it was highly improbable to have casual sex with a friend without changing the nature of the friendship. I too prefer to do it with a friend, but it does change things, at least a little. Especially if the sex was good. Even after the agreement is ended, there are these little moments where memories come, unbidden, or eyes meet at just the wrong time with just the wrong expression and hormones come raging in. It's lust, not love. Trouble is, so many people mistake lust for love so much of the time that they don't know how to distinguish between them.

The huge problems come when someone in the relationship (interaction with another human being is a relationship. This word does not refer to a significant other in this context) is either too immature to deal with those fleeting moments of lust afterwards or when one party has expectations and/or a hidden agenda. Like "Oh, I'll agree to just be ********, but once so-and-so makes mad passionate love to me, he or she will realise that we are meant to be together forever and have seven children and live happily ever after!"

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