Welcome to Gaia! ::

about the issue of your bullied past:

as far as it goes, in this area, and it may be hard, but you mus t"forgive and forget" what you "old peer"s did to you

i grew up for 1st-6th grade as the class-pick-on kid, i got so consumed by my anger, that the cops nearly had to arrest me at age of 12

that was 7 years ago, and in due course of time i have forgiven and forgoten things that transpired that dya, making it easy to live with it

as for self harm, you're not alone, i've done it to, that pain lets us know we're alive but to do it to ease emotional pain, well, thats not a good thing

as for your "reccuring dreams", youtr mind projects these beace it's how you feel inside your heart as to what the world you used to live in feels they'd like to do to you,

it's a thing called "residual emotion" - they despise(d) you, and you attracted those emotions, storing them up, and now the supply has been cut, the storage is about to burst in hopes of fiding a new power source

as for the "being trapped" dream, it's what you feel like right now...

as for being "Bisexual" - there is no advice other than " go to chruch, become a mighty christian, spread god's love

that last piece of info:
to be a mighty chrisitan you msut give your ehart to god and lvie out how he says,

someone may say "oh yes i am a christian" but outside the church they use the F-bomb repeatedly, this is not the level of faith of which i speak

it took nearly becoming a mass murderer for me, but i can say this:

your most grueling trial is coming, one where all your friend will be unsure whether to hang out with you

you'll be given a choice: god's way, or your way - take the way of God

Wow this one is so big i don't know where to begin.
I will start with just one problem, cuz it is hard to work on everything at once.
About the dreams, you can controll them in some way. Before you go to sleep imagine what you want to dream about. I am sure you will find it in your dreams.
I usally wish to have a flying dream, and it usally works for me. I really like to fly! biggrin

you might feel this way now, but once you've reach a major crossroads, well, you may htink differently

i almost went to the point of letting the Great Sin, Wrath, take over my soul to exect some petty revenge, the fac ti'm still standing as a free citizen is proof God is real, i cant back it but it is

as for you not being able to beleive in him...

have you tried?
i'm not tlaking syaing ?"oh yeah, i beielve in god" or simply praying,

i'm talking "try" as in go to chruch, regularly, and absorb their "reisdual emotion"

as i christian i can say this, most of christianity is based on a 'group-effort' backing

what this emans is alone you'll fail in christianity, but working together with those more spiritual, will amp you up

believe me, i was a non believer, and in those days, i knew, not thoguht, but knew i'd never beleive in god...and look at me know.....

you know, if you were to go to a school councelor about your problems.. even tell him/her about what cutting you've done in the past, they'd alert your parents and your parents, by law, would have to take you to counceling. at least, that's how it is in my state, and I know, as a parent, by experience.

my son and I got into it one day (dont recall what it was about), and he was so angry, that he started cutting up the back of his hand out of spite. he's not a cutter, and has never displayed psychological issues. he did it just for show. when I didnt react as he wanted me to, he went to school the next day and told his friend he wanted to hurt himself and showed him his hand, that friend got worried and told another friend, and that friend told a teacher, that teacher told the school councelor. my son was taken out of class, I was called out of work, a crisis center councelor was called into the school and basically told me that after talking to my son he didnt think Damian was a troubled kid, but he wanted me to get my kid to a therapist just in case. at least one or two sessions. if I failed to do what he recommended, the law would take matters into it's own hands. needless to say my son didnt want to go to a therapist, so this event taught him a bit of a lesson. such a thing might work out to your favor tho since you think it would benefit you. it might be a way of forcing your parents hand so to speak.

that sux. I have no idea about the laws in Britain. but it's a shame when someone is more concerned with appearances than helping ones child.

Well, I don't see you as a person who is saying all of this to get attention, otherwise I wouldn't have bothered. Which means I beleive you to be a good person, someone worth it.

I think what you need is three things.
1. You need someone to talk to. Someone to tell your worries to and someone for you to listen to in return. This will get things off your chest and learning from someone else will make you feel better as well, you won't feel so alone.
2. You need support. Emotional and physical. To know that someone cares, even if you have no idea who this person is. And you have to open yourself to care for them too. Its a two way deal.
3. Find a way to express yourself. If you don't find a way to vent your feelings they will build up and release themself in forms of dreams, build up emotions, or the want for pain. Drawing, reading, talking, writing. All are simple but effective forms.

Now if you feel like you don't have anyone to talk to, you can always contact me. I am not perfect and I am techiniqually still a kid, but that should make you more comfortable talking to me. My life hasn't been the easiest either and sometimes I have resorted to pain as well so we would be talking on the same level.
I hope you feel better heart

Bullied six years...ooo. You need to believe in yourself. Who cares if your bisexual? You have friends who don't really care about that. Also, with the dreams, try to be happy. I can easily say that I'm pretty happy, and I enjoy making other people happy too. So have a hug! *hugs* Self-harmed...I got it! Everyone has a reason to live, so do you! Who cares about the bullies, they're just passing on some preassure. Stand up for yourself, have confidence in yourself! Otherwise, you're good as those people who are bullying you.