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 Posted: Fri Jun 06, 2008 11:28 pm
I'm not sure what to do.
Here's the deal: My fiance and I are the perfect couple 95% of the time when we're together. Sure, we have our lover spats but they don't last long. But... when I have to leave for awhile things go wrong. Its like our communication just fails. We talk and sometimes we're fine, but others... its just like we can't communicate. I don't get it.
The last time, I called him while I was out shopping and he got upset because I was distracted by my dad telling me something to go get something. I know, it seems childless. But its just this happened before and usually its when I'm not in town near him.
Sadly, he's done it more than I have. There have been plenty of times that I have to say his name a least three times if not more before he responds. When I ask him why he didn't reply he says he was listening.
*sigh* I'm not sure what to do. The problem is, he's telling me I've got to be the one to fix this. If I don't... then i won't be talking to him for two, maybe three months. That's because I'll be staying with my Mom all summer and he'll cut contact with me. No phone calls, no letters, no nothing.
What should I do?
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Posted: Sat Jun 07, 2008 5:41 am
Not to be the harbringer of malady but that's not a good sign, hon. Effective communication, not matter what the medium, is key in happy, lasting marriage. If he thinks it's your problem to fix, you've got BIG problems. Or rather he does. In marriage every problem is both your problems to fix together, no matter how onesided it may seem.
If you want to try and fix it anyway, try a different way of communicating. When my hubby and I had to do the long distance thing for months at a time (different colleges) we quickly discovered IM was not a good thing, but we couldn't afford to call each other all the time so we eventually settled on email a couple times a week. Sure, there were weeks when I'd only recieve one letter or he would, but it kept the lines of communication open and kept us focused on our common goals while we were apart.
Hope that helps.
And please remember: an engagement ring is not a shackle. If this relationship doesn't feel 100% right to you, don't get married until it does. I'm not saying that to be mean, it's just that sometimes it helps to be reminded that you're still an individual.
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Posted: Sat Jun 07, 2008 11:31 pm
ok, now dont blame yourself for anything thats going on. it isnt just YOUR problem to fix, he has to be a art of it too.i have to agree with her, communication problems isnt good. u have to be able to communicate if u want ur soon to be marrige sucesful, otherwise it will not end well. if u get married, u have to be happy with ur lover, surethere will be some bad times, but u should mostly feel happy an in love. it shouldnt be something where u are always arguing, even if they arent big issues, beacuz chances are, these small arguments will lead to BIG arguments and wont be good for either of u.u have to let him know how u feel. u shouldnt have to repaet urself either.he should be listening to u all the time ust lie he wants u to be litening to him. there as to be a balance.what im trying to basically say is that u should let him know how u feel.let out all your feelings to him. if things dont go well after, then im srry to say but, something is wrong between u 2. and u shouldnt get married yet if u dont feel happy and confused all the time.then u have to think, is this right? this relationship ? and that is when you will have to make ur own desicion about that. well, i hope this helps u in anyway.
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