[PERSONAL] Tell Me If This Is Too Angry/Strong

[Sentama Lin]

Nota Bene: Don't respond to this if you have nothing to say involving this. I do not ********' want to hear that I shouldn't have posted this or that this should've been in Angst. I need actual advice right now. I'm no longer Angsting and asking for pity. I need actual things I can do to get better now. I have so many friends here in the guild and, as friends, I need your help right now; I request it and plead for it.

Below is a letter that I wrote to a family member. Please tell me if it's too strong:

Letter to Relatives

I've talked with some people that I needed to talk to, and we agreed that this is the path that I need to take. My mom won't realised what she has done to everyone -- what she has done to me -- unless I do something drastic, because what she has done to me is most drastic.

I'm going to go see a lawyer or get some legal advice, and I am going to make everything that my mother has done to me financially known, and figure out what all my legal options are. I am not afraid to do this; my mother has hurt me and betrayed me enough to make me not care. I will get all my money back from her, and make her understand what she did was wrong, and make sure that accommodations are made to repair all the damages she's done to me financially, emotionally, and mentally.

What I also want to do is to get ALL of the family to talk to her. I'm tired of everyone saying in the family that they have no business to interfere; as much as I hate to say it, everyone who has known about the problem and has done nothing about it is also to blame. I want to invite everyone here to Minnesota and get her to talk to everyone, and I want to tell her exactly what she has done, and I want her to realise that everything she's been doing to me, and my sisters, and everybody here, is wrong and that she has not been acting like a
mother. I don't care if my dad doesn't want this; I don't care if everyone disagrees that the extended family doesn't need to get involved. THIS PROBLEM HAS AFFECTED EVERYONE! WE ALL NEED TO TELL HER EXACTLY WHAT SHE HAS BEEN DOING!

All I want is to invite you and Tita Janet and Tita Judith and everyone who is concerned about me and Rachel and Katie to meet up in Minnesota when my dad arrives and just tell my mom. It needs to happen. It's never going to be fixed unless it is told. If I don't get
some accommodation for getting my life back in normal -- because I spent more than a year having to deal with this, which led to me having to put my life and my dreams on hold -- I will pursue all legal action that I can. I have friends and people who care about me. I will make this public. And I will not be afraid to make this known.

This is my request, and also my ultimatum. I hope you all understand and are willing to help me, because I am tired of having to put my life on hold. I am tired of feeling like it was my fault that I am in debt. I am tired of feeling so much mental stress from everything that has happened. I am tired of mother saying that nothing will change even if my dad comes back. I am tired of being told I am selfish and don't care about anybody but myself, because that's all my mom has been doing. I am tired of no other family doing anything and being silent. I've lost all my trust for my mom, and I'd rather not lose my trust in anybody else. You know I love you all, but if nobody was willing to do anything, I'm sorry, but I will take action.

I apologise again at the anger of this letter. But my plan has been told. I will do this. I have people.

 

[TieselGirl09]

Sentama Lin.
I don't think that this letter is too strong at all to me.
Personally I don't know what she has actually done because you haven't stated what she has done in the letter.
You must feel very angry and upset but you have to let your feeling's out somewhere and at least you've done it here where people will read what you've written and give you advice.
You obviously have strong feeling's toward's what your Mum has done to you and if you need to get them out then you need to get them out.
But what has she actually done to make you this angry and upset?

Tiesel x

 

[Thaliat Everwood]

Being outside of the situation and only able to guess at what has happened to you, I would not say this letter is too strong. In fact, the tone is fairly even through out and you do not go as far as to be insulting towards anyone in the letter. It is direct and to the point. It is a strong letter, but not overly so. If what happened to me last spring is similar to what happened to you, then I'd agree a letter like this needs to be strong so your relatives understand you mean what you say and will proceed even if they will not join you.  

[Sentama Lin]

I didn't put an explanation of what my mother did to me because the people who would be reading this, I assume, are already aware of the pain I've been going through with my family. As such, I didn't feel it was needed, or wanted, that I have to re-explain everything about what happened to me and my family; it is merely easier to get hold of my friends, whom I have talked about my problems concerning this issue, here in the guild through here than through any other medium.

Thanks for the reassurance, Thallie, about the letter. Tiesel, I'm not letting my feelings out again; people who know what's going on already know what my feelings are. This is me figuring out exactly what I need to do now to fix it, because I'm tired of just being angry and frustrated; I have more options now as to what I can do and what I should do.  

[Sanzoskitsune]

I think this letter is perfect Lin, you're not being insulting to anyone or confrontational, you're just stating that hey, you need to get things taken care of. I'm very glad to hear you're doing something about this situation with your mom, not what I expected but then I didn't know how else you COULD handle it. Like I said, I think you did a really good job with this letter and you made your intentions clear. No matter what I think you'll get things taken care of *hugs* I'm glad.  

[Sentama Lin]

It's funny; I'm actually having a bit of an anxiety attack right now. I know for sure I could charge her for fraud, which would be a federal case. In addition, she has done this to other relatives in the past, meaning that they could join too if they wanted (though they probably would not unless the sole purpose is to help me). My aunts also have enough testimony to get her in enough trouble legally so we definitely have a case. However, I need to talk. Right now, as suggested by my psychologist and a social worker, I'm looking for someone I can get free legal advice and referral information. That's probably the trickiest part because... well... it'll probably end up pro bono if my extended family is really just going to leave me in the dust.  

[Sanzoskitsune]

While I do hope the whole legal thing works out, even if it doesn't I think confronting her about all of this and giving her a clear view of how she let things get this bad will also be of great help. From the sounds of it though, the legal thing will definitely work in your favor and I'm sure there are at least a couple of lawyers who would do this pro bono  

[Sentama Lin]

Oh, I can guarantee that if I managed to find a lawyer (which I could probably get even non-pro-bono if I call the right relatives who know the situation) I would win.

Though, one nagging part of my mind thinks this would be an AWESOME Judge Judy thing. "Son sues abusive and gambling-addicted mother for credit fraud and emotional trauma." x.x

Jokes aside though, I'm really really nervous. I just sent the letter out and I let the entire family know. I don't like doing drastic things, but an ally told me that it's time to do things that are drastic.  

[Sanzoskitsune]

....I'll keep an eye out for you in Judge Judy. I'll even record it and yell ZOMG ITS LIN! like an idiot.

And yeah I can understand why you'd be nervous, for me, doing something like this to any member of the family would give me a small panic attack but you gotta do what you gotta do. And really there are times when the only thing you can do is the drastic.  

[Roland Karloseth]

People can no longer cover their eyes.

It doesn't seem too bad to me Lin. While I am new and don't know much about everyones personal lives, It seems to me that your mother has played the "dictator" card. I really hope things go well for you.

If this disturbs you, then walk away.

 

[xDarkPisces]

Kasu, you know I am with you a hundred percent of the way. I have always been silently curious of the nature of your family issues, but it's never been my place to ask.

As far as the letter is concerned, it's not too harsh at all. Not too strong. When it comes to stubborn, hands-off relatives, one has to be as forthcoming and blunt as possible. Many families today are divided by distance and differences, so to see a family together and helping one another is quite rare. In your case, it seems like your mother has done something horribly wrong and the ONLY way she has hope of seeing her errors is by being confronted. Confronted by the people she has hurt and affected.

If something is to be done, it must be done completely and without remorse. You said yourself that it had to be done. I trust you will take the matter in to your own highly capable hands and right what has been wronged.

We're here for you Kasu. You know that.  

[Sentama Lin]

I'd be willing to tell you, DP, if you really want to know. Just... not here. ^_^

As for what needs to be done I'm all for the holy duty (as it were) once I realise what the holy duty is. I've been waiting for someone to finally point me in the direction I need to go to continue living. Not that the past therapy hasn't been helping, but it's helping me feel better to continue doing what I need to do, but they never told me what I needed to do. I hope that made sense.  

[TieselGirl09]

Sentama Lin

I didn't put an explanation of what my mother did to me because the people who would be reading this, I assume, are already aware of the pain I've been going through with my family. As such, I didn't feel it was needed, or wanted, that I have to re-explain everything about what happened to me and my family; it is merely easier to get hold of my friends, whom I have talked about my problems concerning this issue, here in the guild through here than through any other medium.

Thanks for the reassurance, Thallie, about the letter. Tiesel, I'm not letting my feelings out again; people who know what's going on already know what my feelings are. This is me figuring out exactly what I need to do now to fix it, because I'm tired of just being angry and frustrated; I have more options now as to what I can do and what I should do.

I understand how you feel and I'm not asking you to go through your feeling's again so I don't understand what your writing the letter for but I don't think that the letter is to strong at all. They are your feeling's and you have to let out how you feel.



x

 

[Sentama Lin]

As I said in the letter. It's an ultimatum in a sense. If they don't make a way to accommodate and fix their mistakes I'm taking it to court and going through with that.  

[Kalstolyn]

Kals is questing again!

Good for you, Lin! It's about time you did something to confront your mother, and this letter is well written and polite. It's certainly not as harsh as taking legal action without giving your family a chance to deal with it internally. You've given them a choice and stated the consequences that go with it. Well done. That's about all you can do for now, I'm guessing.

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