|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Wed Jan 06, 2010 6:52 pm
I just started it. Tell me what you guys think biggrin
“As much as the time passed, there are unopened words.
I speak of you in tears, and the gentleness of voice sleeps.
Sound of the rain as I go quickly in the distance.
Pure skies I connected searching for the time to wait.
Here eternally”
Envy – An Umbrella Fallen Into Fiction
As much as he loved the endless mirrors, Emery often grew tired and jaded of the different dreams, memories, and events that fogged the mirrors that surrounded every aspect of his world. Standing 6’3 he stalked around the maze of cursed reflections, occasionally stopping to check out visions of life happening in the very world he once called home. He saw men, women, and children in each reflection. They were doing all kinds of acts and showed a vast array of emotions and perspectives of life. These mirrors, acted as windows into another life, another heart. As Emery walked down a pathway he passed along a woman screaming at her unfaithful husband, a man who held a gun with trembling hands, and a brother and sister playing merrily at a carnival. These mirrors intertwine each other, they live and grow with each other. Reaching the end of the corridor he stood in front of a blank mirror, gazing at his reflection.
Emery stared into his soft, hopeless black eyes that seemed to hide the clutches of death themselves. His once black hair now echoed with a tinge of silver and it fell past his ears. The face that held such greedy joy and excitement now held a shallow regretful face. On his right cheek an imprinted scar seemed to glow in the light given off from the surrounding spectral mirrors. Emery still retained some physical beauty from his human life. His high cheekbones and smooth face shone a lunar gray. Emery had a soft goatee that gave him a mature look. As a human he gave off a cunningly warm aura, but now the mischievous soul grew dark and sallow with disgust. All because of this endless palace of mirrors.
He stepped forward and placed his pale hand on the mirror and visions from his human life showed before him. He saw the good and bad times he once experienced in that past life. He saw the events that tainted his soul, events that entitled him a one way ticket to this hellish labyrinth. But that was long ago, ages ago.
Emery Cross first entered the corrupted human world on January 19th, 1952 and after twenty years, his life came to an abrupt end. Confused, scared, and hopeless, Emery fell into the dark abysmal chasm called death. As his life faded away he drowned himself in sorrow and regret. He begged and pleaded for someone, anyone to come out of the dark and save him from slumbering into a never ending hell that he knew was coming to him.And unlucky for him, someone responded.
His name was Garret Shae. He told Emery that he saw everything Emery did while he lived. Garret said he saw Emery's true soul, he knew how dark and greedy it was. He knew every horrendous and unspeakable thought that lurked inside Emery’s conscious. Garret did what no man could do, he showed Emery every pitiful, weak, and ghastly action that he performed when he lived. Emery was shaken by what he saw, he never realized how pitiful and corrupt his actions were. He never realized how much he took life for granted.
Sickened by regret and lament, Emery became a shattered and broken man. Emery was content with spending the rest of eternity burning in some abyss filled with fire, he felt as though he deserved it.
The man named Garret offered another alternative to Emery. He said that Emery can give redemption to his name by becoming like Garret. He said he would have the duty of protecting these sacred mirrors that held the fate of people on earth. He would watch the sinful acts that men, women, and children performed in their lives. And once their lives ended Emery would have to decide if that persons mirror gets replaced or shattered. Replacing the mirror would reincarnate the persons soul, while destroying it would send the soul to a crushing nothingness that lasted for eternity.
Garrets words echoed from the mirror in front of Emery, “If you choose to stray the path of us, be warned. Your name and soul will find redemption from doing this, but in the process your soul will be cracked and broken down into many pieces.”
For over six decades Emery has witnessed the most heinous and terrible crimes performed by man. And Garret’s word have remained true, Emery’s soul has become worn down and tired from the constant destruction and salvation of the human souls surrounding him. They have made him into the empty sorrowful person that he is today.
The mirror in front of Emery cleared up and his reflection appeared before him again. But the his reflection had company. From behind Emery a cackling laugh issued out. Emery sighed with annoyance and turned to a frail twitching boy with blond hair crouched in front of him. “What do you want Tyco?” Emery said calmly to the boy.
The boy laughed lightly and spoke in a sharp voice that seemed to come from a throat scratched out with a handful of nails. “Master Garret calls for you, you're in trouble!” he said in manic laughter.
Emery walked past Tyco “I’m not in trouble, I bet im just doing all of the work that you haven't finished.”
“No its something else, Garret made Reina cover up for all my mishaps.” Tyco said with a hint of mischievous joy. “And besides, when he told me to get you he had a rather angry look on his face. Oohoo you're really going to get it!”
Emery ignored him and continued walking towards Garret’s chamber. Along the way he contemplated what Garret could be angry about. Maybe Volta and his men were plotting to attack again. Maybe Garret wanted Emery to finally get rid of Tyco. He laughed to himself.
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Jan 22, 2010 3:00 pm
This story has potential of being good. When I started reading, I started getting confused on where the main character, Emery, was, especially with the discussion of the mirrors. I wasn't sure if I was in an alternate universe or if this mirror room was somewhere on the "human world" ((Earth?)). Plus I don't really know what the significance of these mirrors are and why he's seeing the images in them. What's the significance of them?
Then you start mention when he was born and then his death. As a result, I begin to wonder what Emery is. Is he human? Is he a spirit, living in an afterlife of sorts? Or is he something else?
As my past writing teacher told us - "Show us rather than telling us". You seem to tell us a lot about this guy Emery, especially about his appearance and his life. But with just this small bit of text, I don't even know who Emery is. In other words, I haven't connected with the character. I don't see why I should care about him. Write in a way that draws the reader into the story and makes them want to continue reading and find out what happens.
I hope that helps you somewhat...
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
