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 Posted: Wed Sep 22, 2010 7:09 pm
this here is an old rp character of mine i discovered hidden deep within my pm box. Its a character from my early days of roleplaying and i was just like what the hey lets post him here for the hell of it and let people tear it to pieces xd
Gaian name: drag0ntamer
Name: Shintero shizuki
Nicknames:
Gender: male
Age: 20
Race: human
Character description: A quiet person. people don't tend to notice him as of how quiet he is and people usually only notice him when they are actually looking for him. He hasn't smiled since he was 12 years old due to a horrible accident his parents got into. though many have tried but none so far have been able to do so, and because of this he doesn't have any friends.
He has dark blue eyes that seem very intimidating, but in reality he is a nice person once you get to know though his intimidating look is another reason of why he is friendless. He is a very nice person who would do anything to protect his friends if he had any. His favorite color is blue so the cloths he wears tend to be that color though occasionally he will wear a red shirt with black jeans, though he rarely wears them because of how many of his cloths are blue.
Another reason why he doesn't have any friends is that hes a very shy person, and doesn't usually talk unless someone talks to him first. though if someone tries to talk to him he unconsciously try's to answer them in the least words possible which leads to people not understanding him very well and thus lead them to give up on trying to talk to him. The one thing he hates the most about himself is how shy he is because it is one of the main reason why he doesn't have any friends, aside from his intimidating looks.
Alignment: Gifted
Personality: it is really hard to get him to talk due to how shy he is and even if he does talk he, unknowingly, does so in the least amount of words possible. though if anyone ever succeeds in getting to know him they will find he is an outgoing person and is also very kind and will not ever do anything mean unless someone does something to make him angry, which those that have regretted it big time for he just goes into a deep rage which sometimes takes him hours to get out of, and when he finally does get out of his blind rage he seems to not remember a single then he did when he was going on his rampage.
History: He was born in Tokyo, Japan. he doesn't know any Japanese for his parents decided to move to America when he was 2 years old. At the age of 6 his father, being an expert in Tai Kwon Do, proceeded to teach him, and so from the age of 6 to the age of 12 he practiced Tai Kwon Do every day for 6 hours with his father and became almost as good as his father at the age of 11. though when he hit 12 years old his parents got into a horrible accident where they where driving along a cliff when their was suddenly a landslide leading to the car getting crushed with his parents in it.
The death of his parents wiped the smile off his face for what seems like forever. many have tried to cheer him up or at least make him smile, but the death of his parents left a deep deep scar that none so far have been unable to heal. Though with the death of his father he still practices Tai Kwon Do so he can perfect his skills. He has gone to many tournaments and has done well in each and every one of them. In his first tournament he managed to get in 5th place and that was in the regional tournament, and when he competed first competed in the national tournament he placed 10th place out of the 522 contestants their.
He was only at the age of 15 when he competed for his first time in the regional and nationals, thus impressing many people because of his young age. Of course as he grew older his skills increased thus leading him to get better in the tournaments in the most recent regional competition he placed 1st place, and in the national competition he competed in when he was about 18 years old he managed to get in 3rd place. he gained a lot of popularity due to how well he was though people have never managed to get him to talk due to his personality, and he doesn't really want to make friends with people who are obsessed with him.
Any weapons/armor you have: a giant fold up scythe that can fit in his backpack
Any items you have: Backpack
Any battle skills/magical powers you have:is the only one that can wield the scythe his has (to other it feels as if it weighs a ton) can run really fast
Character Weakness/Flaws:can only run fast for about 100 feet any farther and he will gradually slow down until he can no longer move. Takes a while before he can run fast again depending on how far he runs
Friends:none currently
Enemies:none currently
lover:none currently
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Posted: Mon Sep 27, 2010 2:12 pm
Aheh, yeah... where to begin xD
thing that stood out the most was: If he is so well practiced in Taekwondo (I martial art from korea and not japan, which makes it weird for his father to learn it and not karate) why does he use a HUGE scythe in battle, would he not be much more proficient in unarmed combat?
How fast is fast when he runs? is it still humanly fast? Or does he reach mach 4... Why can he only run fast for 100 feet? He's a martial artist,something that needs a lot of physical and mentl strength, and 100 feet isn't very far for someone that's meant to be a Taekwondo expert.
Why doesn't he know any japanese? Even if his parents moved to america when he was 2, it's more than likely that they would still speak japanes to each other in their own house, I mean why struggle to speak english, your second language, to your wife when you're both japanese. therefore he would know japanese from his family life more than his school life.
If his parents died when he was such a young age, did he go into care? How was he able to keep up with his competitions if without his parents, he still has school, has to be a lot more independant in looking after himself(even if he's in care). That wouldn't leave much time for going to competitions.
His character description is over used in a lot of characters, the hard outer shell but inside theres a lovable person waiting to be found. not to meantion the mental trauma of his parents death, not very original.
_____________________
Anyway, the character's showing his age as an early attempt XP
I have to say that I've looked back at my first characters lately and oh god were thet bad rofl
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Posted: Tue Sep 28, 2010 7:38 pm
I thought of a lot of what was asked.
I want to know more about his parents. I don't think you mentioned his mother?
Some of the things seem contradictory: him being outgoing once you get to know him, him being popular because of some big fight yet still being shy.
I know what you mean about being shy around people and then outgoing around your friends, but I wouldn't describe him as outgoing. And, how would people even know about the fight? Was it a big deal & something a lot of people would then know about?
As said, the hard on the outside, soft on the inside thing is a bit overused. Sure, there's people like that out there, so go for it. Just try to flesh out the character more so he doesn't seem like a Gary Sue once you use him.
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