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MAYGUSTA

Shadowy Rogue

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PostPosted: Thu Sep 23, 2010 8:29 am


Does this seem reasonable, does anything not really make sense? She feels a little flat to me.

Name: Xanthia
Nickname: Xani (Refuses to be addressed with Xanthia)
Race: Human-Succubus
Nationality: Greek
Height: 6'
Hair color: Silver
Eye color: Silver
Skin tone: Dark-skinned

Xanthia is a badly mannered woman with total disregard for the social social standards and norm. She is extroverted for the most part and often a little too loud. She tends to irritate people a great deal, but shrugs it off as something that isn't her problem.

She doesn't stick around for talks that involve love, friendship or anything of the sort. Most people assume it's just an immaturity that she never grew out of – she doesn't even know why, herself. All she knows is that she hates anything to do with compassion. The reality behind this is a father figure never being present, her mother never being home and her husband leaving her shortly after their marital ceremony.

When Xanthia says she'll get a job done, she will definitely get it done. This isn't to say she'll get it done in the requested way, and quite often she ends up making more of a mess than there was to begin with. She isn't entirely to be trusted. She'll do what it takes to get the job done.

She's not very good at dealing with anger. She tends to go quite quiet and withdraw, brooding until she finally snaps. She doesn't always snap after excessive pestering. Sometimes, she can just be left alone for hours before finally snapping. Although Xanthia gets sad, she doesn't often recognise the emotion as sadness and generally just gets angry about things instead. She tends to claim she doesn't get sad, a fair bit.

She's very judgemental and sticks with her first instincts. Once her mind is set, and it's usually set before someone can even introduce themselves, it takes a miracle to budge it. She becomes less a**l after being around people for a long while, but doesn't really notice this change in herself. On the subject of change, she flips at the slightest change out of her control, but loves to be spontaneous. This tends to make other people on edge, which she loves. She can never get enough of winding people up.

Xanthia never had a father figure throughout life, and her mother was often out working (what she assumed to be) the streets. She doesn't remember much about her – it was well over four hundred years ago – but she can remember her mother saying 'Don't follow in my footsteps, Xanthia' – words she came to loathe. One night, when she was in her early teens, some people broke into the house and took her mother. She worried about her mother for years, doing everything she could to find her – even a body, but nothing came unearthed. When she was in her early twenties, she was approached by a mysterious man telling her that he could find out if her mother was dead or not. She accepted the deal, only he turned out to be the devil. She sold her soul to find out anything – even that her mother was dead, she just wanted some closure. He told her that she wasn't dead and took her to hell where she stood beneath a gargantuan statue of someone who looked suspiciously like her mother. That's when she learned that her mother had just left her. She ditched the name Xanthia and insisted that she be called Xani, instead – wanting nothing more to do with her mother. She came to resent the woman for leaving her.

While in hell, she met an incubus named Kanuha. The two shared a little bond and decided to form a union – a little unusual for those of their race – but neither were particularly usual. Xanthia never forgave him for leaving her for a life, free of being tied down. She can't even see him without anger bubbling. He, himself, and his existence is one of the few things that can make her snap automatically.

To distract herself, Xanthia focused in being a better succubus – trying to get more points in the system in order to get a better ranking so that she might one day meet her mother – one of the best out there. When she one day, finally reached the rank below her mother's general rank, she was told by the devil that had had a task for her and if she could complete it, then he'd raise her rank instantly, to the highest. She accepted before even hearing what it was, but it was too late to back out. The task involved working with an underling succubus to try and catch Kanuha, who had seemed to have lost his mind, and kill him. She's been trying ever since for the past year or so.

The closest she and her underling helper, Tatsunoko (who sold her soul for a tattoo in a horrible accident), got to killing Kanuha, was firing a harpoon at him, that accidentally hit a young Polish girl, Celestynka. Tatsu and Xani tricked her into becoming a Succubus so that they would look better, instead of getting into trouble for murdering an innocent girl.

[RefIMG1][RefIMG2]
PostPosted: Thu Sep 23, 2010 12:45 pm


Why did she chose a name so similar to her birth name? O.o And how do those chain things stay on her bewbs?! D:

Lyvidian


velvetsophisticate

PostPosted: Fri Sep 24, 2010 7:50 am


Lyvidian
Why did she chose a name so similar to her birth name? O.o And how do those chain things stay on her bewbs?! D:


it's glue!!
biggrin
somehow, i do see how
you feel your character is flat.
maybe it's her lack of
emotion?
PostPosted: Fri Sep 24, 2010 9:00 am


I want her to seem more bitter, without making her actually more bitter. I want her to hide it from everyone and herself so well that no one realises, but there's a chain reaction from her actions that lead to everyone else being screwed over and I'm not quite sure how to do this.

She's quite wild and that often ******** things up for everyone, but I want a way that really, intentionally ******** things up that she can justify in her own head to a large extent. I'm really not sure how to put this across or how to make it happen within the story.

And as for those chain things, they're welded on. 8D She's gone a little bit mad. As for the name choice, she doesn't want to forget who she came from, she wants to remind herself that she's still her mother's daughter, but not her mother.

MAYGUSTA

Shadowy Rogue

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pythonesque
Crew

Kawaii Fatcat

PostPosted: Tue Sep 28, 2010 7:49 pm


A few questions, first off:
-I want to know more about her being an Succubus. I know she's only half, but I want to know more about how that works. Is she more human or more succubus? Was it because she sold her soul she became more demon-like? What sort of powers does being part Demon give her, or what sort of powers does being human weaken?
-If she's working for the devil, why would killing an innocent girl really matter?

I don't know if this is something you want to change, but her appearance seems a little expected to me.

I agree that she seems like she doesn't have a lot of emotion. She's angry at her mother and her father, yes, but other than that, there's not much depth. Shes doesn't seem to feel too much about killing Kanuha from your description. Is she glad to get revenge on him or torn about it?

Sorry if I posted a lot of stuff to think about...
PostPosted: Wed Sep 29, 2010 1:06 am


pythonesque
A few questions, first off:
-I want to know more about her being an Succubus. I know she's only half, but I want to know more about how that works. Is she more human or more succubus? Was it because she sold her soul she became more demon-like? What sort of powers does being part Demon give her, or what sort of powers does being human weaken?
-If she's working for the devil, why would killing an innocent girl really matter?

I don't know if this is something you want to change, but her appearance seems a little expected to me.

I agree that she seems like she doesn't have a lot of emotion. She's angry at her mother and her father, yes, but other than that, there's not much depth. Shes doesn't seem to feel too much about killing Kanuha from your description. Is she glad to get revenge on him or torn about it?

Sorry if I posted a lot of stuff to think about...


No no, stuff is good!

She's a full succubus, she was just born a human. Although she retains a humanoid appearance, she has digitigrade legs, for instance and succubi take on the horns feet and some of the characteristics of that animal. Xanthia, for instance takes on some of the characteristics of a Ram - so she has a fair bit of strength and tends to use her head a lot (rather literally), other than that they are pretty similar to humans. Higher-ranked succubi are entitled to various magic, but most have little interest.

They have like a quota of people they have to sleep with every month, and its like a little vial that fills a little more with colour for every person until it's full, but that's not really important - it's just if they don't meet their quota, they get much weaker and it's harder for them to go to the earth as much.

As this is a comedy, I sorta wanted the devil being whipped a little bit like God. Think of them, sort of like good old friends who go years back but are polar opposites. God is a very serious man with a tight schedule, and the devil messes up a lot and ends up getting his a** whipped back into line. The devil is allowed to turn people into demons if the person willingly dies for that cause, but he's not allowed to randomly kill someone.

Xanthia and Tatsu are so worried about the trouble they're going to get into by accidentally killing this girl (because the Devil will get yelled at for not keeping a proper eye on his subordinates), that they convince her to agree to it and pretend.

As for the appearance, everyone is a little bit generic, falling under stereotypes a lot and it gets the piss taken out of it a fair bit.

Deep down, she's very upset about having to kill him. She doesn't forgive him and although she only knew him for a short time and isn't in love with him, she can't change that they had a connection. However, she is so obsessed with being better (and possibly killing) her mother, that she's told herself so many times it's just a necessity to kill Kanuha that she thinks she's revenge-driven.

How would I go more about showing that without giving it away blatantly to any audience that she's upset about it. I love subtle hints, I really don't want to say stuff like 'she sighed when everyone was out of earshot' - I want her to be someone who sort of bitterly destroys everything around her because she's not happy with it, without making it really blatantly obvious.

MAYGUSTA

Shadowy Rogue

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Mortok

Tipsy Exhibitionist

PostPosted: Wed Sep 29, 2010 7:31 am


Well, you've certainly put a lot of thought into her history. But really, whether or not she's "flat" depends on how she's presented in the actual story or whatever it is you're using her for.

I recommend asking yourself these questions:

What does she want (within the context of the actual story)?

Why does she want it?

How does she plan to get it?

I do also agree that her nickname is close enough to her birth name as makes no difference. If she's truly trying to sever connection with her history, I would think she'd go for something quite different.
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