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 Posted: Sat Dec 25, 2010 8:47 am
Contest
They were having a staring contest again, she notices absently, as she stares down the feline peeking out from behind the wall opposite the one she was resting against.
He looked a cute little thing, really. An off-white colour for a coat, dappled with little, random spots of black and marmalade all over, like paint-splatters that had missed their mark of the canvas. He (because it felt off to her, calling the cat an ‘it’) had been appearing around the alleyways recently, and almost always settling for his spot near the wall, after a few circles around.
Usually, the contests didn’t last past five minutes, but they would be numerous throughout the day. This would be their seventeenth today, for example, and it was barely past noon. He would usually up and leave for another walk every few minutes, and then settle back down and resume scrutinizing her under his amber gaze.
And, as if on cue, the cat in question breaks contact and gracefully lifts himself onto all-fours. But this time, instead of turning and completely disappearing behind the brickwork, he walks out from behind the wall and towards the girl, to her mild surprise. He lets out a rather hoarse-sounding meow, as if deeming her worthy of his presence, and nuzzles his tri-coloured face against her leg. She tentatively unknots her hands and strokes him, drawing out a long, low purring.
This was new, she mused silently to herself.
Oh, well. At least it was nice.
Something done a while ago. I've got a few more; I might post those, too.
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Posted: Sat Jan 29, 2011 1:04 pm
There's something very irritating about present tense third person.
Otherwise, I quite like it. The descriptions are fluid, and the style is very nice. However, it's fragmented because it's such a small moment. It needs a clearer beginning and end, unless it's a part of a larger piece.
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Posted: Sun May 01, 2011 1:56 pm
Lydia The Great There's something very irritating about present tense third person.
Otherwise, I quite like it. The descriptions are fluid, and the style is very nice. However, it's fragmented because it's such a small moment. It needs a clearer beginning and end, unless it's a part of a larger piece. Eee, late reply. Sorry about that. Thank you for your input, however! (And yeah, I see what you mean about third person present now. No idea why I even started writing like that. Will change. |x)
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Posted: Sun May 01, 2011 2:44 pm
And here's another, part of a larger project I'm working on. It's somewhat of an intro.
in all simplicity
The room was sparsely furnished, though very large. It was shrouded in a layer of darkness, but from what he could see, there was a couch, a floor lamp off in the corner, and possibly a coffee table, too. Neatly rectangular, with one of those four walls a huge, floor-to-ceiling window that displayed the city in all of its bustling, night time glory, the room was simplistic just enough to not start screaming way too roomy.
It was a nice place, Nathan decided as he eased his entry door back shut.
“Don’t mean to break in like this, but,” he found himself muttering under his breath, “Sorry, Kerri.”
“…No, you’re not.”
And then he was grinning, despite his current situation that called for anything but, as he tracked the voice to a corner of the room. The boy then held both his hands up, in a gesture of playful surrender, one hand still holding his means of entrance – an oddly bent paperclip, instead of a key. He wasn’t surprised at her presence in the apartment, but rather the docility of which she had revealed it.
“Hey,” he began again, this time directly addressing her.
She ignored the greeting, proceeding ahead with her own train of thought,
“I didn’t think I’d be getting visitors at this hour.”
“Nice way of greeting someone you haven’t seen for years. I told you I was sorry,” he returned with a feigned air of indignity, crossing his arms.
With a click, the ceiling light sprung to life. On impulse, he narrowed his eyes at the sudden, unexpected brightness. “Hey!”
“So, what do you want?”
The question was followed by a length of silence that left neither party surprised, because both parties were in the middle of doing the same thing—scrutinizing the other. Although Kerrin did do a decent job of trying to hide it, shooting short glances at her old friend as she made her way from the wall with the bedroom door to the sofa.
“You don’t seem surprised,” Nathan decided.
She simply shrugged. “You were never the kind of person who gave up easily.”
“You’re implying that I’m some kind of stalker. Oh, joy, this reunion is getting better by the second.” He rolled his eyes, but kept his tone light.
A smirk crept onto Kerrin’s features. “I didn’t say you were looking for me. Thank you for providing that information, though.”
“…Damn.”
The smirk turned into a falsely sweet smile at that. “You walked right into that one. But, you know, I’m not going to bite just because I’ve fallen—you’re free to sit down.”
He actually looked like he was contemplating the offer for a moment, before he shook his head. “Nah. Appreciate the offer, but I should get going. You do have a point of this being an ungodly hour… I should probably let you get your sleep.”
He turned and lifted a hand in an almost-wave, starting towards the door.
“When you report,” Kerrin told his retreating back, “Tell Gabriel I say hi.”
Nathan chuckled. “Will do.”
And then the door clicked shut behind him.
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