In a week's time I will be moving to New Zealand (where I have never ever been before) to study animation. I've had a course here for 8 months and I enjoy it.. but is it my calling? I am never sure.
warning: rant_________________________________________________
Looking back on the past 3 years of my life I can say I'm pretty certain that God is steering me somewhere.. Its just that this time feels different because I feel like I'm totally thrown out of my comfort zone.
3 years ago I had to leave high school in my junior year to go back to my home country because my dad's contract ended and we had an extended family crisis. My parents enrolled me in culinary school because it was 2 years and they thought it'd be a good idea. Shortly after classes started, my dad got another job back where we were and since my mom missed it they moved back but I stayed to finish my course.
Living by myself I did a lot of things in hindsight I know I shouldnt have, but after I finally graduated I dropped everything like a hot potato and moved back to where my family is. I told them I didnt really see myself in the culinary career (though I dont mind it) and so they let me give animation a try this time per my request. I said I liked it and I think that was when the pressure to go to college started.
They wanted me to go to college and so pressure pressure pressure to find something. I guess as usual under all that pressure I caved and chose Lifeway College in New Zealand based on the minor reason that its the only one i'm familiar with (in theory) because my dad mentioned it and because I just dont want to go back to my home country to study. imo its really stifling there.
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omigosh ramble ramble ramble I have a lot more to spill but I dont know how to put it in words.. the date is drawing near and I'm starting to have a mental meltdown...
TL;DR
I have no idea what I'm doing and its getting really hard to keep it together. I keep looking back to
Jeremiah 29:11
"'For I know the plans I have for you' declares the Lord, 'Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future'"
though sometimes it gets tough to really believe it wholeheartedly.
sorry i'm rambling. I really feel lost and I dont really know who i can talk to irl about all this. Its been bottled up and bubbling I just needed an outlet.
I have no idea what I'm doing.
Please pray for strength and direction for me.
But other than that, would whoever out there maybe stay in this thread and talk with me through this. I really dont want this to become just a "yes I see your request I'll pray for you -person leaves and never looks back-" type thing..