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Posted: Tue Sep 27, 2011 6:19 pm
well, i just join the guild and i want to show you guys how i work. but this is my first redface . this story is about a young drummer named Omar, wants to give a Special present to his girlfriend, Sam. But drama came when Sam’s family was blaming him for something he never did nor done. i may have some grammar errors in this short story, but i hope ya'll like it! the total words in this story is 1,704.
On my way to Sam’s house, I want to give Sam something special, but a lot of beautiful presents are too expensive. I only have $50 and her house is around the corner. When I went around the corner, I bumped into someone and was Sam. I’m surprised of seeing Sam at the time like this, but something neither is misdirect, she not looking up to me nor breathe. I quickly import her to the emergency room in the Hospital. The doctor says that Sam is going to be ok; I still don’t know what happen to Sam before she bumped me and fainted. I went to Sam’s room and Sam is glad of seeing me. “Omar,” Sam said. “I’m glad you here with me.” “But are you ok?” I said. “Yes, why,” Sam said. “Just saying,” I said. I don’t want Sam to be worry about how she faint right front of me. I still want to buy something special for Sam, but the hospital only has “get well soon!” cards. We talked about the good times between Sam and I, then Sam’s father came in and he not happy of seeing me. Sam’s family misanthrope me, I don’t know why they hated me. I look at Sam and her not happy to see him neither. “What did you do to my daughter?!” he asked. “He didn’t do anything, Daddy.” Sam said But her father avoids Sam and the rest of Sam’s family came in. “What happen?” Sam’s little brother said. “Did he hurt you?” Sam’s mother said. “She just got a panic attack, she going to be fine.” I said. As so I finish my sentence, Sam’s family started to angering each other. I wish I can stop this, but Sam’s older brother wants to talk to me outside. I don’t know why her brother wants to talk to me, so I follow him outside of the hospital. “Why you want to talk to me at the time like this?” I asked. He didn’t response, and then he turns and throws a punch at me. I didn’t see it coming and he keep on punching me multi times. “I don’t want you keep hurting my little sister anymore!” he shouted. “I told you… she just got a…” I said in pain. He kicks me in the stomach and I fall down to the hard black solid ground. “No one doesn’t like you, not even Sam!” he shouted. He pulling my hair up and make me look face to face. “I don’t want you to get near to my sister nor do my family never again, get it!” The pain Sam’s brother gave me is too much for me to speak. He let go of my hair and I fell face first on the solid ground, then Sam’s brother walk away like nothing happen. I can feel my own blood started to travel through my face; I thought I’m going died. I thought of the day I met Sam and her family invited me to their dinner. They were so nice, but now they want me dead from something I Never did. I started crying from all the horrible things Sam’s family did to me. They don’t know how hard my life is, my childhood was horrible, and everyone in school treated me like a monster because I change to a different person every time I get mad. And Sam doesn’t like that people treat me bad, that why she wants me as a friend. A year later, Sam told me about her family that they want her to marry a rich boy from another family. Young marriage sounds pretty cool to me, but not to Sam. I told her why, she said she want to marry someone different like me, I blushed. She even kiss me on the cheek and ask me to be her boyfriend, I accepted, now I’m not alone anymore. In high school, everyone was in shocked when Sam and I are holding hands, even the girls that think that Sam is ugly. Every time me and Sam going to different classes, the girls asked me so many questions like “do I like Sam?”, and I said yes. When Sam and I went to the subway, she… I feel something pressing my chest. I stop thinking and slowly open my eyes. And saw my brother, his girlfriend and my loving Sam close to the chest. She started to cry. “Omar,” Sam shouted happily. “I’m glad you’re ok.” “Who did this to you?” My brother, Andrew said. I don’t want to tell them it was Sam’s older brother. So I lied. “Oh it was some drunken strangers who want to fight.” “Oh.” Sam said. “Uh… Andrew and Vanessa can Sam and I talk alone?” “Ok Omar.” Andrew said. Andrew and Vanessa then left us alone and Sam looked at me. “It was my brother, was it?” Sam said. “Yes, I don’t want them to know.” I said. “I know. But at least you’re ok.” Sam kisses me and I started to blush. I don’t know what to do next, so I kiss her back. She blushes and smiles like when I first met her. I smile back. We kiss some more and started to make out. We looked at each other and blush more. “I love you Sam.” I said. “I love you too Omar.” Sam said smiling. We make out some more but we got interrupting from Sam’s father. “Sam!” Sam’s father said. “How many time I told you not to see that monster.” “He’s not a monster!” Sam said as she holds me. “He’s a good guy and I love him! I don’t care if I’m no longer your little girl; I’m still being with Omar and you not going to stop our love!” I can’t believe what Sam said, it sound like she mean it. Her father looked at us and started to be calm. “You’re right; I can’t stop your love.” Her father said. Sam started to smile. “Thank you father, you’re the best.” Sam said smiling. I smile too seeing Sam’s father understand our relationship. “Hmm,” Sam’s father said. “What’s wrong daddy,” Sam said. “Oh nothing Sam just thought of something.” “Oh ok.” As her father walked out, we’re happy seeing Sam’s father finally understand our relationship. But something going to be from happy to depressed. Late at a rainy night, I was on my bed playing with my drumsticks till I got a knock on the front door. I was wondering who’s be knocking my door at this time. I looked through the peek hole and it’s Sam. She doesn’t look good. So I opened the door and she gave me a big hug and it pretty tight. “Hey Sam,” I said “What are you doing here?” She didn’t responded and hugged me tighter. I looked down and saw her crying. “Sam,” I said. “What’s wrong?” She still didn’t responded, she keep holding and crying. I then comforted her so she doesn’t get more depressed. And it work. “Sam pleases,” I said. “Tell me what’s wrong?” I tipped Sam’s chin up and she looked at me in the eyes. Her eyes were watery and I want to cry with her, but I can’t. She don’t like talk about the problem, but she have to. “I don’t like telling you…” Sam said. “…But I have to.” She told me about her father changed the locks of the house and he even told Sam she no longer in the family. I got upset hearing her awful story, I wish I can get my hands on her father but Sam don’t want to me to make it worst. Now Sam has no place to stay. I looked at Sam cry more and more, I want to help her but I don’t know what. But then, I thought of something to make both me and Sam happy. I tipped her chin up to me again and I smiled. “Hey,” I said. “I got an idea, how about you stay here with me.” Sam started to glow with surprised on her face. “What,” Sam said. “You hear me; stay here with me your new home.” I said smiling. Sam was still surprised and I started to chuckled. “But… what if I’m in your way?” Sam said. “I don’t mind,” I said. “I don’t mind if you’re here with me. I get lonely you know!” Sam chuckled. I chuckled back and I hug her tight. “Please Sam, stay with me. So we both won’t be lonely again.” Sam looked down and started to cry again. I’m too afraid thinking of Sam saying no. “Sam?” I said. “Are you ok?” Sam lifts her head back up and smile at me. “Yes…” Sam said. “I’ll stay with you.” I hug her and hold her tightly. Sam chuckled and smiled. “I’m so happy right now,” I said. “I’m so glad you want to stay with me.” I started to cry, but Sam kisses me on the cheek to make feel better. Sam smile at me, I smiled back. I was glad Sam said yes, I even picked her up and kissed her. She kissed me back and we started to make out. As we stop making out, we chuckled and smiled each other. We looked at each other, eye to eye. “I love you.” I said. “I love you too.” Sam said. The next day, me and my brother Andrew was walking in the park and I told him what happened to Sam. He was very upset about what happened to Sam, but I told him that she staying with me. He patted me on the shoulder and smiled. “You’re a good boyfriend, bro.” Andrew said chuckled. “Thanks, bro.” I said chuckled back. “So where did she sleep…” “In the other room, what you think where she going to sleep, with me?” “You got another room?” I laugh with Andrew’s question, Andrew laughed back. I thought about Sam being happy that she staying me for now on, to me I gave Sam her special present. We continued walking through the park and started talking about our new band and band name.
The End
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Posted: Tue Oct 18, 2011 3:25 pm
Quote: Sam started to glow with surprised on her face. ...with a surprised 'look' on her face, maybe? Also you might want to watch out, you change between present and past tense in some places. Good start, but needs editing.
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