[PRP] I Am Not Ten (Marinel & Shahera, D'mar too?)

[faesinger]

Shahera had tried to sleep the night after the Feast. She had laid in bed with her eyes closed and breathing regulated, mentally and physically snuggling Therianth. She might have even gotten some sleep, she wasn’t entirely sure. The fact was that she had been awake early and restless. So, instead of laying there in a fruitless manner, Shahera and Therianth had gone for a run. They had avoided D’mar and Strigonth in the common area of the Barracks as best they could trying to not disturb the pair (Shahera had to physically restrain an angry One from attacking D’mar), though Shahera and Therianth both were sure the others had been aware.

The run, which had started in the dark and lasted through most of sunrise, had been good for them both and allowed some of the remaining stress from the day before to ooze out as if being whisked away with the sweat. By the end of it Shahera was at least calm if not all that happy yet and Therianth was optimistic and excited for the day. They had just finished cooling down and were almost entering the Barracks again, One riding on Therianth’s head like a maiden on the bow of a ship. They were planning on washing as it would not be good to show up to trainings covered in dried sweat and itching all day.

It was quiet out, the Weyr was still waking up but people and dragons were starting to stir. It was a new day, the future was here, and Therianth was at her side. Shahera truly smiled for the first time since the fight.

Thaliawen

 

[Thaliawen]

Marinel has woken up early with an intention to check Dolmar. Was he alright? He hadn’t gone to sleep, had he?! ...Dragons would’ve keened, wouldn’t they have, if—no. He swallowed that thought, burying it deep within him. No.

He took little time in hurrying to the Weyrling barracks. He’d had trouble sleeping after the feast; he was so used to being able to see his brother nearby. Surely seeing him this morning would help with any nerves.

He spotted Shahera instead. “Hey,” he greeted. “Good morning.” She certainly seemed in brighter spirits, after last night. “And good morning to you, too, Therianth. Is Dolly awake?”  

[faesinger]

Thaliawen

Shahera stopped in the entryway when she heard a voice. Looking over at Marinel she told him, “Good morning,” courteously if a bit more neutral than she would normally have. It was not Marinel’s fault that there was this rift between D’mar and her. Shahera had no desire to make things difficult for either of the males. Therianth wagged her tail at Marinel and his greeting. She had liked him last night and he was being nice this morning.

“D’mar was still awake when I left I believe. I am sure that he still is.” Her voice was even, kind but without much feeling behind it. She had no idea what tone to take. Shahera stepped aside to let Marinel in.  

[Thaliawen]

Marinel’s relief was audible. Dolly was awake. He was fine. He took a breath and nodded. “Thank you,” he said.

He hesitated for a moment before entering. He looked around, and then to Shahera. “Shahera, what did you mean by what you said at the feast last night? Dolly treats me like I’m ten and stuff?” So much for checking on Dolly. Knowing his brother was okay for the moment was enough to awaken his curiousity. “Do you really think he stifles me?”  

[faesinger]

Shahera paused in moving aside. “Marinel, I am not sure we should be discussing…” She stopped and realized that is she refused she would be taking the decision out of his hands and making it for him. That would make her a hypocrite. But instead of immediately explaining she asked a question of her own. To be able to fully answer what Marinel had asked she needed to know.

She hadn’t even noticed as One took offense and launched himself at Marinel until it seemed too late. She turned and said forcefully “NO.” She only hoped she did it in time because even as Shahera reached for One, she knew she would not make it in time. Thankfully Therianth was quicker and grabbed One’s tail in her mouth. At the sudden stop and the chastising One chittered and huffed before leaving all together, disappearing between.

“D’mar almost died yesterday. What would you have done if he had?” She asked gently.

Thaliawen

 

[Thaliawen]

Mari was unharmed, but rather startled by the firelizard’s behavior. “Your firelizard is certainly...different,” he settled on saying, after a moment. “Thanks, Therianth,” he added, reaching to pet the green.

He paused at her question, and frowned in thought. “I’m not sure,” he admitted. “When I heard he was gone before, i tried my best to continue on living. Nightmares kept me up at night. I kept seeing it.” He hesitated, and swallowed. He looked away from her.

“I think I’d want to die, knowing I didn’t save him.”  

[faesinger]

Shahera sighed. Honesty was needed now. She could do this. “And that right there is what worries me. Scares me even. Because D’mar might still die. Being a Weyrling is dangerous and we might not all survive. There is in fact a high probability that not all of us will make it to graduation. Then after that is when it gets truly deadly. There is no way of know our life expectancy. What will you do if that happens? I doubt he would want you to die with him.”

She mentally braced herself to continue, leaning emotionally on Therianth who in turn offered support and encouragement. “And even if he doesn’t die, he will be busy, insanely so. He will not alway be there to give you support or guidance when you need it. He is the only one you turn to right now. You will need to learn to stand on your own, or find others to support you, or you will falter. You could fail. You could die. That would crush D’mar. I know you have the strength to, you had done it before for many years while you were separated from each other. It is easy right now to turn to him, desirous even, but what is easy and wanted now will not always be helpful later.

If you decide to continue as you have, that is your choice. All I can hope is that you do so knowingly instead of blindly.”

Therianth gave Marinel’s hand a lick. He was a good person, but so was hers. Please listen, please, peeeeeaaaassseee?

“There will likely be nightmares still. I know I have them about the deaths of my parents. They can wake my up at night with tears. The only way I keep going at those times is to remember the love we had for each other and that they would not want me to join them yet.” She gave Marinel a sympathetic look. “It will never be easy, unfortunately, to loose someone you love, or to even see them hurt. But if you don’t have a structure around you to help you cope, then you will be lost too. D’mar would not want that. I don’t want that.”  

[Thaliawen]

“He won’t die,” Mari said, after a long moment. He just wouldn’t. “We promised each other, after we found each other—“ and he tapered off, looking down. They couldn’t know if they’d lose the other. How could they have thought that promise would stand?

“We can still have rest days,” he said. “I know he won’t have a lot of time, with his dragon and all...” But what would he do? “I’ll be fine,” he promised. “I was fine before.” He looked up. “When I was with the traders, I ran away to find Dolly, but I ended up staying.” It had been nice to have a family who’d wanted him around. “Saimwen was with us at the hatching, he taught me how to navigate.” He petted Therianth again at the lick.

“There isn’t a way to make them stop?” He asked.  

[faesinger]

Shahera smiled slightly, stance relaxing slightly. “Your faith in your brother is commendable. And he won’t die today, nor tomorrow. Nor ever if he or Strigonth have any say in it. That is the thing though. We don’t always have a say.

But this is not what you asked me. You want to know why I said what I did last night. As I said, you turn to him for everything. D’mar enables this, encourages it even, though I doubt he sees that. But this isn’t allowing you to make your own decisions and to grow the ability to function independently from him. No one should be dependent on another person in that way. It worries me. However I should not have said what I did. Especially in the way that I did. This is your relationship with your brother and you can choose to create it however you wish. If I don’t agree that is my problem, not either of yours, and I should hold my peace.”

Therianth wiggled under the pets, please that Marinel was at least thinking about what hers was saying. Also, she just liked the pets.

“I don’t mean to say that I believe you should not spend any time with him, or to never ask for his advice. That is not what I meant. Just that a variety is good to have. Others will also have differing opinions that might help you make a more informed decision even if you do decide to go with D’mar’s. Or you could choose to follow none of them in a choice. It is up to you. Your life will always be up to you."

She paused a little confused. "What do you mean? Make who stop? Or what stop? The nightmares? I don't know. I know that they diminish in frequency over time.” Though the events at the Hatching were sure to start an entire new round of them for her.  

[Thaliawen]

“But... I don’t turn to him for everything,” he said, honestly. He hadn’t told Dolmar about Jarah. Or even Saimwen. “I mean. I probably should tell him about some things.” Probably. Probably not now, though. Not while he was recovering.

“How do I know what advice to take from him?” He asked.

“I don’t want the nightmares coming back,” he admitted. “I don’t think I could stand losing him again.”  

[faesinger]

…Well then. Oops. “Then I have made an erroneous assumption and for that I apologize.” Shahera gave a slightly sheepish grin to Marinel. “Perhaps you should, perhaps you shouldn’t. You are entitled to secrets, even from him. That is up to you. As for how to know what advice to take and what to not? Look into yourself and see how it sits with you, if you need to find another to talk to, take your time if it feels necessary or warranted. Many decisions don’t need to be rushed into. This can apply to D'mar's advice or that of anyone.”

Therianth head butted Marinel’s hand that had stopped petting her, before moving to stand with Shahera again. Shahera reached over to pet Therianth almost automatically. “Nightmares are tricky things and don’t like to listen to us. I fear many of us will be having nightmares in the coming days, week, or even months. Perhaps find someone to talk to about them?” Shahera suggested, having never done so herself. She had seen it work for others though. “You haven’t lost him yet. Sometimes it is best to not worry too much about what you will do if something happens as much as enjoy the now. … Which... I guess I should do too.” She offered Marinel a smile.  

[Thaliawen]

Keep secrets?! From Dolly?! Marinel stared for a long time. “I just don’t think he’d agree with some of the people I know. I love all of them, and I don’t want them to hurt each other. Saimwen saved my life when I was a kid, and I know Dolly would like him—but Jarah.” He looked thoughtful. Fretful, even. Jarah had a unique position that he hadn’t been quite ready to share with his brother. “I think Jarah and Dolly won’t be the greatest of friends,” he said. “I don’t like keeping it a secret.”

But then, he didn’t know everything about Dolmar, did he? Maybe secrets were alright...

“I’m sorry about what happened at the feast. I told him it wasn’t your fault.”  

[faesinger]

Shahera nodded. “It is hard when you are friends with those who are themselves not friends. Eventually one figures out how to make it work or the ones that make the most fuss are usually the ones that are left behind. But who knows, he might like him.” She shrugged. “Secrets are not for everyone. They can be hard to keep. It is definitely easier to remember truths than who know what truths.”

“Thank you for that. You did not need to tell him so.” She gave Therianth one more pat then had them both step aside some more. “But it was not me who you came to talk to. I am sure you are anxious to talk to D’mar. I am sorry I kept you so long.” She waited, both in case Marinel had anything else he wished to say and because she was actually going the same direction. She just figured it would be better if Marinel entered first.  

[ShinosBee]

They are coming now, D’mar. The dark blue drew back from where he’d been stood, just around the entrance to the barracks and hidden in the shadowed interior. Back across the room, up a short hall, and through the common area to where his rider sat behind a table, as he had been all night since the feast had ended. He had felt a flicker of interest, and of irritation from the man upon alerting him that his brother (which was whom Strigonth had been watching for in the first place) had been intercepted. Mutually they had decided to eavesdrop, and the blue had lingered, silently absorbing the dialogue of the parties and relaying it back to the mind he was joined to. D’mar’s reactions had been unusually muted compared to the bursting strength of them the night before, but the blue knew on some level that his rider regretted such crass behavior.

Not that he’d insulted Shahera, aimed to hurt her. But that he’d been so blatant about it, made it a public spectacle. That was his regret.

But neither of them regretted listening in on the conversation outside. It had been quite...revealing. His brother’s continued fears, nightmares, his apparent ‘dependence’ on D’mar himself... And Shahera’s regret for her actions and her words, and her desire to see his brother keep secrets. And names. Saimwen, and Jarah. It was a very interesting thing, this conversation, very revealing. D’mar had swiftly clamped down on his emotions—yesterday he had been fresh wounded, fresh impressed, and out of sorts. He had better control now, and would not let his feelings master him, cloud his decisions and actions. This bore thinking about, not rushing off to interject.

“For now though...” He settled back into his chair, a ripple of laxness sweeping along his limbs, his face scrunching, and then slackening into an expression of minor exhaustion. It was so much easier to look a way you felt, on some level. He let his eyes grow distant, but dragged a book he’d started over closer, flicking idly through a few pages. Strigonth drew close, nuzzling his rider before sliding to his belly on the floor, carefully wrapping his mind in calm stillness almost like sleep. Together they made the very picture of a pair who had been up all night in this one spot: unmoving, drowsy, and unaware of anything going on outside a ten foot radius.

...Therianth’s is quite smart, it seems.
Indeed. And always eager to stick her fingers into the pies of any others within reach.
That sounds terribly messy.
So it is. And a shame that Marinel has always loved pies too well to mind a bit of damaged crust.
The hand that reaches is apt to find itself smacked, I would say.
Perhaps. But not in front of Marinel. And not now. They’ll be coming soon. Doze, if you can.
Of course, my D’mar.

“Thaliawen”

“faesinger”

 

[Thaliawen]

Marinel had started to frown. He studied Shahera for a long moment. “Yes, I did,” he said. “If it’s your fault I got hurt, then it’s mine he got hurt. He nearly died, he could have, and I wouldn’t have been able to protect him. I know it wasn’t fair of him to blame you. Someone had to speak up, and sometimes I think I’m the only one he listens to.” At least, one of the only people.

But he’d come to see Dolly. He was worried about him. “Thank you, Shahera.”

He went to seek D’mar out. “Dolly? I came to see you! Are you feeling any better this morning?”