Welcome to Gaia! ::

(Here are some of my more angsty pieces from about a year or so ago that I thought I'd post just for old-times' sake. Read, please. Review if you like, but it's not like I'm actively working on these pieces or anything.)

“A Late Night… or Early Morning?”
It was late… or was it early? He’d always debated that point with himself thousands of times. It’s not like it matters anyways, but it kept his mind preoccupied so he didn’t have to think about the one thing he always thought about, her. At the current time, he was in a state of complete emotional confusion. What exactly was going on?

Somewhere deep within him, an underlying feeling told him that everything was wrong. He shouldn’t have ever met her, she made life so much harder for him, and now he was doing the same thing. He was extra baggage, but she insisted that he was a necessity. It seemed like they were only words, though. “Sticks and stones…” No, even the kindest words can do as much damage as the harshest insults. Feigned love is more brutal than open hatred.

Yet she continually insisted that words she had spoken were truth, absolute truth. Then why was there so little action? She had even said so herself, “I believe that actions speak louder than words.” What kind of conclusion was he to draw from the obvious contradiction of her stated beliefs? His mind was swimming… more appropriately, floundering in confusion, attempting to find understanding. She loved him, she didn’t act like it, yet she told him hundreds of times by now that he should believe what she says and not what she does… What to do? Nothing, absolutely nothing could be done. Once again, he found himself backed up against a wall with no options but to ponder the options themselves.

In spite of all this turmoil, he chose to stick it through. Why on earth should he… would he? There was no logical sense in this; he was losing sleep, losing time, losing energy, giving up anything he could… to gain what? Then it struck him, he wasn’t in it to gain anything. What would his love be if he expected something in return? It would be shallow, artificial, and superficial at best. Maybe this showed the depth of his love…

Who would have guessed that love could be so difficult, though? He was tired, so tired. In his mind, he had been giving… giving… giving… and she would receive… receive… receive… with nothing more than a simple smile that seemed forced and the three simple words, “I love you.” Had he been a fool to fall for her? Perhaps, but in the moment that she told him that she loved him, he knew that he would rather be this fool than the wise man who was alone.

That didn’t make things any easier for him, though. He found that his own doubts of her had led him to ultimately doubt himself and destroy himself. It was an interesting situation; he found himself such a hypocrite and she did too. How they had managed this far was still a mystery in his mind. Maybe she really was desperate and he seemed like a relatively decent option. He could never really know for certain – she would never tell him, even if that were the case, and nobody else knew, in all actuality.

His eyes grew weary and began shutting. It was all null anyways; all that mattered was that he truly believed he loved her. That’s where he stood. Where they’d end up would be left in the hands of fate and time, but that’s all he needed.