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| Who Knocked Up Sakura and... |
| Other Mysteries of FG-4-PGs |
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| Total Votes : 78 |
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 Posted: Mon Jul 31, 2006 11:50 am
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It was in the guild’s game show room – yes, we do have one of those, where the case cracking went down. With your host Biff Foxer, nothing was going to be a secret or sacred again.
The audience was in an uproar, the show was already running twenty minutes late. That’s when your host, Biff Foxer, came in with a bottle of vodka and a half smoked cigarette. He takes a sip of his vodka and sets it down, picking up the microphone.
Biff: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Fast Gold 4 Poor Gaians Mystery Game Show with your host, Biff Foxer. This week we’ve had some interesting mysteries such as – take it away Dana.
Dana: That’s right Biff, this weeks hot new mysteries are Darth and Frito’s Wedding – already cheating? And is Goddess Ace just a gold digger? And what about teh sexiful nerdy being the guild whore? Or the FG-4-PGs Sex Files? And our extremely juicy topic – who knocked up Sakura!
The audience gasped. Egga turned to Odama in shock.
Egga: Did you know he was pregnant?
Odama: No! I thought he was a guy.
Biff grinned at the audience’s surprise, snickering a little.
Biff: Don’t go away, these mysteries and more right after these commercials!
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Posted: Mon Jul 31, 2006 12:16 pm
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Frito: Hemorrhoids got you down in the dumps?
Trevor: Yeah…
Frito: Well you need DarthSpanky’s Go Away Come Back Another Day Hemorrhoid Cream!
Trevor: Whoa! Thanks man!
Darth: My cream is made from “special ingredients” to make them hermorrhoids go away and for you to get back into the groove.
Trevor: DarthSpanky’s Go Away Come Back Another Day Hemorrhoid Cream sure did save my life!
The next commercial has Ace and Kitterz smoking when Manji comes up to them.
Ace: Not having a break today Manji?
Manji: Nah, I’m on the patch.
Kitterz: Patch?
Manji: Yeah, now I don’t have a craving for nicotine but butt-sex!
Kitterz: Whoa! Give me some of that!
Manji: And the other patches can you give you cravings for other things like pudding and pogo stick sex.
Ace: Awesome!
Manji’s flirting with Angie, Kitterz is on a pogo stick with Shaz, and Ace is eating a tube of pudding.
Manji, Kitterz, Ace: You should try the patch too!
Warnings: Patch may cause rectum to bleed, weight gain, and the occasional pogo stick getting stuck in place where the sun doesn’t shine.
ph33r b0t: Tonight on FG4PGs, Mara gets busted selling candy to the kids!
Krystal: Ma’am, do you have a vending license?
Mara: Yes, I just left my purse at home.
Krystal: I’m sorry Ma’am, but we’re going to have to take you in.
Mara: But the children –
SecondBanana: Wah! I wanted a lollipop!
Ketake: Where are you taking Mara?
Krystal: To a place where bad people go. And if you keep buying candy from strangers, you'll go their too!
SecondBanana: But she's not a stranger, she's my momma.
Krystal: What?
Ketake: Mhmm, we were buying it because we're learning responsibility.
Mara: Yes...
Krystal: Oh.... -Beep-!
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Posted: Mon Jul 31, 2006 1:17 pm
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And back to our show…
Biff: This is just too interesting, you really got Hemorrhoids Trevor!
Trevor: NO! I DON’T HAVE THEM!
Jfm: Oh s**t… that’s what it was?
Trevor: What!
Biff: And tell me Krystal, why exactly were you just busting Mara for selling candy.
Krystal: Eh, she never does anything bad… she’s too innocent.
Biff: Haha, not in this guild.
Ketake: She made me learn “responsibility”… what ever that is.
Biff: Well let’s get on with our first mystery, Dana?
Dana: After the Las Vegas style wedding Darth and Frito had in Mexico, there’s speculation of already them cheating. Just like after Ace and jfm’s wedding, you could see Ace already with Kitterz and Sari.
Kitterz: It wasn’t flirting, it was my nap spot.
Sari: We couldn’t have sex before the wedding, I was on break.
Ace: Besides, jfm isn’t much of a –
Jfm: Finish that sentence and you can forget about child support…
Ace: I already breast feed them anyway! Nerdy almost bit my n****e off!
Nerdy: Sorry Momma…
Ace: That’s okay, I still love you.
Biff: Ahem! Can we get back to the mystery even though n****e biting is sexy.
Dana: Yes, so Frito… do you deny giving Nerdy and myself a lap dance?
Frito: But Darth gave one to Nerdy too.
Nerdy: I’m popular!
Darth: We don’t have a problem with it…
Shaz: But I do!
Biff: And who are you?
Shaz: I’m Shazbot!
Biff: What the hell is that kind of name?
Shaz: Wha?
Biff: So you’re getting a piece of Darth’s a** – or maybe you’re taking it – and you’re whining about it?
Shaz: We were together first!
Biff: Oh get over it, he just wanted someone younger.
Frito: Yay!
Biff: And with the “bot” in your name, why don’t you just become a sex-bot and join in the fun.
Shaz: Yeah… I could do that.
Biff: Mystery solved, they’re all whores. Next Dana?
Dana: Recently, jfm has spent 140k on his wife Ace, he gave her 20k in tips for drawing Manji’s harem girls and a fresh grass skirt which cost him 120k. This was announced after Ace told everyone she was having sex with jfm. So, is Ace just a gold digger or does she really love this were wolf?
Biff: Hmmm, well after wedding those two I still haven’t gotten to do what I wanted to do…
Dana: Wha?
Biff: And now that she’s got a daughter – I could hit it off with three generations! Hey, ladies – IM, Ace, and Nerdy, how would you three like to come back to my dressing room?
IM: I know how to give it to this fox, just stick with me girls and we can have fun with him.
Ace: Okay mom.
Nerdy: Then can Grand Mommy take us out for ice cream?
IM: Of course!
Dana: And you get mad for them getting off topic, you’re asking out three generations!
Biff: Because I’m talented.
Dana: Ugh, back to the question…
Biff: Well if you review it all, it was Ace who asked jfm to marry her and she’s the one who kissed him at the wedding – so she wanted him more.
Dana: But for love or his money?
Biff: Let’s ask some of the audience!
Manji: When I heard she was going to have sex with jfm after that tip – gold digger popped into my mind… Of course, I just like having Ace as my puppy anyway.
Jfm: Wha?
Raiden: I say it was for butt-sex!
Ace: But I don’t like that… on me.
Biff: Oh yeah, but you don’t mind me doing it to the Ruby Brothers or role reversal!
Ace: Ohh shush, you love mangina.
Biff: Yeah… anyway, next!
Ketake: Popcorn…
Biff: What?
Dana: This must be when Ace said jfm should take her to a scary movie!
Ketake: No, I just want popcorn.
Biff: Ugh, fine, we’ll just ask jfm.
Jfm: I…
Jfm explodes, Biff gets a sweat drop.
Biff: Fabulous… clean up on the audience… then I’ll just ask this question, Ace – why did you marry jfm?
Ace: BECAUSE BESTIALITY ROCKS!
All the audience blinks, the gift ninja girls nod.
Gift Ninja Girls: We love that adorable turtle!
Kio: Wohoo!
Ace: Besides, I love when jfm howls.
Biff: Yeah, something about them wolves…
Ace and Biff get all dreamy, Dana gets a sweat drop.
Dana: We’ll be back with these messages!
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Posted: Mon Jul 31, 2006 1:57 pm
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Posted: Mon Jul 31, 2006 2:25 pm
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Biff: I don’t care if you’re a boy, I’ll still fu- date you.
Kinta: Umm, no thanks…
Dana: Biff! We’re back.
Biff: Oh… yeah… well, our next mystery is… who really is the guild slut?
Nerdy: Me-me-me-me-me!
Egga: Heh-heh, yeah…
Ace: She learned it from my Momma.
Biff: And why do you say that?
IM: Ace only had about twenty animal babies with everyone.
Ace: Meh, I get around…
Kitterz: I do too… in Ace’s boobs.
Ace: ‘Tis a party in there.
Lily pops out of Ace’s cleavage with angel_half.
Lily: I ca’t breath!
angel_half: Nose bleed!
Ace: You two get back in there!
Kitterz: NYAA!
Kitterz tackles Lily and angel_half, going down into Ace’s cleavage.
Biff: God this place is weird… so, the guild slut is?
Raven: If you really think about it, the whole guild is a slut…
Rydia: Yeah, we’re one big slut guild!
Blue: Ummm…
Kio: Don’t deny it Blue!
Angie: You’re a slut too!
Manji: And I’ll get all the girls to be my servants!
Ketake: I still want popcorn…
Thanatos: Make me a necklace?
Ketake: If you get me popcorn…
Dana: Well… that’s solved and now we can move onto the Sex Files.
Biff: Sex Files?
Ace: Perhaps I should explain! Like Trevor, I make movies – except mine are more… pornographic. This time I made one uncensored for Manji, but I didn’t want to get banned from Gaia so not everyone can see that video… but if you really want to know about it… it was what the girls did late at night… and reveals who impregnated Sakura.
The audience gasps, Kittara gets a sweat drop and waves her hand around.
Biff: Yes Kit? And if it’s about the bathroom, it’s on the right.
Kittara: Ok, but I was just wandering – where’s Sakura?
Dana: Another mystery?
Sakura walks into the room, stumbling.
Sakura: This morning sickness is horrible! And I’ve diarrhea!
Biff: Eww, cut commercial…
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Posted: Mon Jul 31, 2006 3:15 pm
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Posted: Mon Jul 31, 2006 3:45 pm
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Biff: And we’re back to our show… now Sakura, this is a pretty serious matter… but, ummm… why did you get a sex change?
Sakura: After seeing how the girls play at night, I wanted to join in the fun… and got pregnant… but I do want babies!
Noodles: But you have the crew who you conceived with IM and then the crew conceived the active members who conceived the semi-active members who then conceived the poll whores and zero posters?
Dana: What?
Trevor: That theory is false, for the entire guild, are in fact, amebas, which are asexual.
Biff: So then why is Sakura pregnant, Herpes Boy?
Trevor: I DO NOT HAVE HERPES OR HEMORRHOIDS!
Biff: Whatever, so who is the Baby Daddy Sakura?
Sakura: Well I’ve got hemorrhoids but I don’t really think it was Trevor.
Darth hands Sakura some of his cream.
Sakura: Thanks Darth… and let’s see, I don’t think it was Darth either because it be really weird getting pregnant with a group like him, Frito, and Shaz.
Biff: What about… Mikey?
Mikey: Ummm… I’m not that kind of person… besides, I’ve been laying low.
Biff: For what?
Mikey: Got busted…
Biff: Yeah me too, anyway..
Dana: Raven? ph33r bot? Kinta? Raiden? IM?
IM: What?
Sakura: No…
Sari: Maybe you should get a test done…
Andi: For an STD?
Rydia: DNA test…
Sakura: Yeah! Why didn’t I think of that?
Blue: You’re pregnant…
Biff: It just so happens I had tsukasa run out and get a DNA test done because Sakura left hair on my pillow.
IM: Whore.
Sakura: What?
IM: The fox is mine!
Kinta: Is Biff my daddy!
IM: Want a DNA test done?
Kinta: No…
Biff opens up the envelope with the DNA test. He gets a question mark beside his head and shows tsukasa the name.
Biff: Know who this is?
tsukasa: Ummm…
Biff: A Razenof?
Senka: WHAT!? YOU CHEATER!
Krystal: Raz?
Raz: What?
Biff: THE HOBO GOT SAKURA KNOCKED UP!?
Dana: Mystery solved.
Sakura: Oh Raz!
Sakura hugs Raz, Raz gets a sweat drop.
Raz: Umm…
Sakura: Were having a baby!
Raz: Meow?
Biff: Mysteries solved… umm, congratulations Raz… have fun paying child support…
Raz: Crap… I hope you like eating Ramen…
Sakura: I wander if it’s a boy or girl? Raz Jr! Or-or, Sakura can be girl or boy!
Raz: How about Lunch Box…
Dana: Ahem, where are you going Biff?
Biff: Three generations, night folks!
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Posted: Mon Jul 31, 2006 3:46 pm
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Posted: Mon Jul 31, 2006 4:01 pm
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Posted: Mon Jul 31, 2006 4:04 pm
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Posted: Mon Jul 31, 2006 4:06 pm
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Posted: Mon Jul 31, 2006 4:07 pm
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tsukasa567 Soul_Reaver08 tsukasa567 rofl Wow, I feel loved, I actually had a line. xd blaugh ditto rofl Lol, makes sense for you, you always post, I only do it a couple of times a day. xd
I suppose. hey where did my post go?
Edit:CRAP! i hit delete instead of edit. how did i miss that? |
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Posted: Mon Jul 31, 2006 4:08 pm
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