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Three Poems up For Criticism...

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Kaime no Go

PostPosted: Fri Jul 13, 2007 5:19 pm


The Day

Cutting words, that hurt so much,
Fiery hearts, hot to the touch,
Glaring eyes, that seem to shrink away,
Whispered words, promising another day.

A day of humiliation and pain,
A day where the other side will gain,
A day of chivalry and tricks,
A day where the clock never ticks.

A day of a forever that can’t come,
A day where two numbers don’t mean their sum,
A day where one word means something else,
A day where we fall under its spells.

A day of lies, tricks, and deceit,
Where words fly and don’t miss a beat,
Where fights arise and quotas aren’t met,
A day where on each person is placed a bet.

The Day II

The bets are made,
The game is played.
Whispers resound,
The players look around.

Friends by night, enemies by day,
All that's left is to see who pays.
These bets are left hanging by a thread,
Their offers are so widespread.

A bet where one is killed,
Another bet that has yet to be fulfilled.
A bet where betrayals arise,
Where torture reigns through the skies.

Where screams of pain are bound to happen,
Where friendships will be misshapen.
Where every word spoken is sublime,
A bet where there is no time.

The stakes are raised a level higher,
The winnings will go to the highest buyer.
A bet where one man reigns supreme,
Where every spoken word is a scheme.

The Day III

Along these hall, so snide and dark,
Are three players left who still have their spark,
That had gotten them through the first two rounds,
The bets are paid by the pounds.

The players sit back, relaxed,
Each in their own way, taxed.
Though each one has thought something vile,
A scheme they devised using their own guile.

A scheme that has only one winner,
One that has many a sinner.
A scheme where only one survives,
A scheme where the rest lose their lives.

A scheme doused in playful words and hidden portrayal,
Of the random remarks that set afoot the betrayal.
A scheme where the evil reigns.
A scheme where everyone is in chains.

---Tell me what you think, please.
PostPosted: Fri Jul 13, 2007 7:09 pm


I have another one that goes along with these three, if only a little.

Without further ado, I give you...

In Chains

Trudging along, rope pulled tight,
We shrink away from the fading light,
Towards our cells. Our hope is diminished.
One thought in our heads, the schemes have finished.

Vile things, what is tied around,
Our wrists and ankles; that horrid clinking sound.
Weighted with our agonies and pains,
We are stuck in these chains.

In these chains, we cannot lie,
In these chains, we cannot die.
We cannot scream nor shout,
In these chains, we can't get out.

In these chains, we cannot tire,
In chains, we can't fuel the fire,
Not the passions buried deep.
In these chains, we cannot weep.

Kaime no Go

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Creative Writing/Homework Help

 
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