THE ANGST ZONE (Use this, for the love of internetz! ><)

[Large Inmate]

Hey.
We may have something similar here.
I think Dons Photo the store I want to get it from does renting too.
The thing is I know I'm getting a lens and for the first maybe long while all I'm going to be doing is figuring out how to use it and what settings it works best in.
Renting may leave me more inclined to return the lens due to "bad" results that would be all my fault. ... I'd also be scared of breaking it... confused eek  

[Sentama Lin]

*sighs*

• I'm afraid.
  
• I'm afraid that I will never be able to finish school.
  
• I'm afraid that I will be stuck ever working at some meaningless (to me) dead end job where I can't feel at all helpful to the betterment of humankind.
  
• I'm afraid that I'm not strong enough to continue doing the above thing, should the window of teaching (since the window of clergy has already closed) close on me.
  
• I'm afraid that everything is collapsing because I have nothing to hold on to for support.
  
• I'm afraid to die, not because of death itself, but because of the prospect of being alone.
  
• I'm afraid... I'll end up being the loser that I always think I am, that I've always thought... All my life, that thought has never left my mind... people always saying it... parents "joking" it... I'm a loser...
  

 

[Thaliat Everwood]

Lin, you are not a loser and I don't believe you'll quit on your dreams either, even if it takes a while to achieve them. I'll believe in you if you won't!  

[K0m0d0]

Lin, the only thing you have to fear is fear itself. The hardest thing isn't succeeding; it's persevering past failure. You needn't fear falling down if you're prepared to get back up again.

'Wish I could be more compassionate and comforting today, but I just don't have it in me at the moment.  

[God-Raped-Me]

So this is totally awesome! On my day off I get to spend it doing laundry! Mind you the girls are here so that's cool. But GTR decided it was going to take far too long to put our food away and he didn't want to have to go to my parents, who aren't even here, to do laundry. It'll probably take me till 10 tonight to do it all too. Yea isn't this going to be fun! stare  

[Bassios]

*necro necro necro necro*

Grr! What does it take to make people happy?!

Chris, who is going out with my best friend Amy, is now winging about it. He used to claim that he was "head over heels in love" with her. Now, he's constantly complaining, or flirting with other girls as if he wanted to be with them.

I don't want to get involved, because I don't want to loose either of them as friends, but I think it's fair to say that Amy has a right to know Chris is being a jerk.

Bah, bollocks to him. He's winging because it's not all going his way, like he expects. Some of us are still single, a*****e! And the more I think about it, I'm beginning to think that he's only with Amy because (as he said) "it's been so long..."

Jerk.

 

[Sentama Lin]

I'm having an "It's so long..." moment as well, Bassey... though relative to others's it's probably not that long... Just a word of warning, I'm going to be pretty blunt here.

I've been with a great and fun guy for about a month now. The sex was good and the guy is down to earth and probably one of the more-sweeter guys I've ever been with. However, once I realized that I don't think that I can go beyond the Friend-Level with him things aren't feeling the same. I need to tell him how I'm feeling, and I know it's going to hurt both of us.

I'm so scared to tell him though, because... well... not only has it been long enough by my standards (I agree, however, in retrospect a month isn't that long), but so far he's given me a strange sense of support I felt I could never receive. For the first time in what feels like forever I've had someone to hug me and hold me and kiss me and show physically the support and foundation I've been wanting for ever. And... I know it's going to hurt him to lose me as a potential lover, but it's going to hurt me, a lot, I feel, to lose something that feels so supportive and feels good, but I know will not last, because I can't love him more than a friend.

Today I just blew up on him again; long story short, he was in role when I wasn't in role and my feelings got flared. He understood that I did my best to respond amicably to it (I made sure to give myself time to calm down before saying any word) but I think the cat is essentially out of the bag and I need to make a decision now. I know what I'm going to say, and I have to say it, but I don't think I'm prepared to say it.

I don't think... I'm prepared to lose something that has given me some semblance of stability and the feeling of the idea of being loved and cared for and loving... I still care for him, but only as much as I can care for a friend.

Nothing has really matched the feelings I still have for... that other person...  

[Trish the Stalker]

Oh my God... I think... I broke my brain just now. By accident.

....I think it hurts.

-La Belle Isolde-

 

[~DR.MOOFASA~]

La Belle Isolde

Oh my God... I think... I broke my brain just now. By accident.

....I think it hurts.

-La Belle Isolde-

eek gonk *bandages it back together*
wha hoppened?

*to bass*
yeahhhh... maybe you should have a bit of a talk with chris and amy... possibly together, so there's no accusations of "nseaking around behind backs". i get the feeling amy would be a bit annoyed if she found out that this was known about and she wasn't told. @_@

*to don*
i think you should tell him this. he's sweet, supportive.. and i'm guessing pretty mature mentally? smile it may hurt at first but he'll probably understand. just be honest with him and let him know how much you appreciate everything he's done for you. <3
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

SO.

...today i talked with my friend of quite afew years about an abusive relationship he got out of a little while ago. it's still relatively fresh (he only broke it off with the guy afew months ago) ... and he's still haunted by it like i was for a while after a similar situation happened to me.

i knew about the abuse and was SO glad he finally left that a*****e.

BUT.

...i had no idea how bad it was until tonight. cry it just goes to show that you never know how much a person is suffering until they drop their guard and tell you EVERYTHING. i only found out tonight that it wasn't just bruises and biting and hitting...
...there was blood involved. he had to throw out sheets/pillows because of blood stains.
kind of makes me feel pretty sick to think that this was happening to him and i didn't know... and had i known i could have been of better support to him.
what's even worse is that he also knows how it feels to not be able to help when seeing it happen... because the same thing is happening to his friend (with the same guy that he dated) ... and he feels as helpless as i did in that he can't get the guy to leave/call police. sad it's tough. but atleast my friend has the advantage of knowing EXACTLY the extent of how bad the abuse is... so he'll have a much better idea of how to help. and his friend can relate to him in that way so much more..  

[Tricksterchild]

I'm a bit angry.

My two sisters and their "friend" are members here. I haven't been on Gaia in awhile, so I check on their profiles. My one sister is ok, but my other sister, has a comment on her page saying "I already have a gf. Screw you". So of course, I go and see who is harassing my younger sister. But when I get to his page, I see that her profile spewed these really nasty comments on his page. Now I know my sister and there is NO way she would do that. But when she comes home, I question her 'bout it. She sighs and said she gave her password to her "friend". So her "friend" went into her account and wrote nasty comments on that guy's page. And this happened a year ago when one of my sisters gave her password to the "friend" who then sent out nasty emails to my sister's friends.

She's really unhealthy for them. I've tried to get them to separate from her, but it's hard when she lives right next door and has a great pool with a wealthy grandfather.

Ugh. I worry 'bout my sisters.......  

[Sentama Lin]

Night after night, I've been smitten by deeper and deeper feelings. Feelings of loneliness, melancholy, even hatred, anger, fear -- all the feelings I should not be feeling especially since I'm trying to rebuild what I need to rebuild. Everything seems to lead to failure to me... and I know I've failed everyone that had such high hopes for me, and I've failed myself now for feeling like this.

I'm feeling now and now that I'll never be able to be a teacher -- to be the person to teach the next generation to think and question about their world, to be the person to teach our next generation how to love and care for each other and recognize our differences. But I've failed. I've failed so much. I'm to weak to compromise who I am to join the Catholic church or to hide who I am to join any armed force... My mistakes have caused me to trust my mother and make my finances so stretched that I'm living on about 20-30 USD per two weeks for food and deeply humbled by the generosity of my friends. Each and every day I'm coming to the realization that I will never ever become the person I want to be. I don't have any other dreams anymore... I'm... so empty... I have nothing... Nothing at all... And I don't know what to do anymore...

And yet I keep idly trying to fix my pieces, feeling that I know full well that I'll never truly repair -- that I'll be forever stuck in this situation no matter how hard I try. I'm never going to be the person I want to be. I'll never be the preacher who teaches his students to love... the teacher who teaches the kids to think and make decisions on their own rather than blindly following the "leaders."

Hell, I don't even eat that much anymore, unless people ask me to eat. I'm not hungry. I'm just so broken... so empty... I can smile, but am I truly happy? I just so want to die... I really want to leave... It's so selfish, but I'm so worthless to myself, to everyone... My dreams and desires are all dashed -- what else is left?  

[Taeryyn]

Linny. sad

Selfish, yeah. Tempting nonetheless, especially when it seems like nothing's gonna get better. I wish something would actually occur to me, something helpful to say. *sigh*
Despite the fact that we've been feeling nearly the same things, our situations (and priorities) are very different, so what would seem like a solution to me would probably not appeal to you.

I guess all I can say is, if it really comes down to ... that...well, at least try something radical before you do. If you have nothing left to lose, might as well try something crazy. I certainly hope that you never kill yourself, because I think you're a wonderful individual with a great many gifts and talents, and, well, when any person takes their life it's sad.

You are not worthless, not in the least. stare heart  

[Kerrigan_dragon]

Linny, please don't ever give up hope completely. sad

I know it can be very hard, I've been there before. Not in the same situation, but the feeling of absolute worthlessness... it and I are well acquainted.

Take heart at the small miracles. Even the small things you do can have a profound effect on people. You cheer me up Linny. And you teach me. Maybe not directly, but every time I see one of your topics or posts, I learn from it. I may not express it, and I know I should, but I smile every time I see something from you, thinking "What's Linny got up his sleeve today.." Thank you. smile Thank you for all the small miracles you've given me, the smiles and laughs I've had, the times you've made me stop and think, and remember. I will always remember you, for my whole life. And that's saying something, because I have a horrible memory. xd

When you've got nothing left, you can build up. Stop trying to stitch up the worn pieces of yourself. Set them free to the wind. They will grow back in time, stronger than ever before. It'll hurt at first, but to truly heal, you've got to clean out your wounds and shine some light onto them. Start at the beginning, don't try to get better all at once. You can't win chess in one move, just go one at a time.

You are never worthless, never forgotten. We love you Linny. heart You just need time to love yourself. smile  

[sahihen]

... It's a pathetic thing to vent about... But Eh. Music means the world to me and my ipod has pms. ...
Geh it starts off as the art work getting all multi colored pixels after I charge it so I restore it. ... Then itunes and my ipod don't want to work together that well. Not much of a problem, just means I can't access some things that alow me to customize the way things sync. Its okay.
I sync it in today.... Itunes doesn't even register my ipod... Okay... unplug my ipod close itunes and reopen it.... Itunes tells me my ipod has corupted!!
Okay fine just a second ago! So I restore it... but it freezes so I have to close itunes and look my ipod is frozen!! So I unfreeze it... All my songs are still there.
Plug it back in... And all my songs are gone and the restore starts again.
It also has a history of freezing!

I think I'm just going to call apple demand my money back or a new ipod. Theres other problems that I can't remember either. Nice really nice I get the crap one.
I wonder if they even have the 3rd gen's still or they have to give me a 4th gen...

!!!  

[Trish the Stalker]

-La Belle Isolde-