Light reading, ATGers, ect. Update 14 Erius and Hiatus

[shramin]

whats that got to do with the story O_o?

 

[shramin]

very acceptable *dances* looking forward to it ^_^

 

[shramin]

DId you see my opening that i wrote a while back jimmy? cus id like critique on it....
*fetches*
BANG.
Shes done it again, had a nightmare and woken up so fast that she banged her head in her shelf above her head. "Stupid F''ing shelf" she grumbles and gets out of bed. She looks in her mirror revealing a naked 15 year old girl with a small headache. Her special mirror given to her by her best friend before he dissapeared never to be heard of again. It has the name Anita descripted on it, her name... Shaking her head Anita starts going through her drawers and finds some underwear and a t-shirt she can wear. She goes out the bedroom door and proceeds to the bathroom for a shower. Its only 4 in the morning but she cant sleep anymore after that nightmare.She creeps past the staircase fence and into the bathroom, no reason making alot of noise and waking the parents. She closes and locks the door and throws her clothes next to the sink. she grabs a towel and throws it over the shower door. Turning on the water she leaves it for a minute to let it warm up and starts thinking about the nightmare. "why tonight... Why right before I have to sing for the band to get us in the final's...." There was no reason why He was gonna come in her mind again tonight, it just made no sense.

Stepping into the shower the Freezing realisation that she had forgotten to switch it to warm and cold water hit her. shrieking she jumped out and turned the handle so that the heat would come on. "This is definatly not going to be my day..." Anita mumbled to herself. Getting in the shower she decided that shed just have a short shower, after all with him on her mind......

She washed herself and took her hair last. long black hair all the way down to her lower back. Horrible to wash but Anita was so proud of it that she couldnt bare shortening it.

After the refreshing shower she got dressed and walked downstairs to the kitchen. The oven time showed that it was now 4:30, she had taken a longer shower then she thought. Opening the fridge Anita took out cheese and fetched chocolate spread from the cupboard. She got some bread from the breadbox and cut herself 4 slizes. She spread the chocolate onto the sandwhiches and put cheese on top, placed it on a plate and walked to the lounge. She sat herself down in the ugly purple sofa and switched on the tv. Smacking herself in the head she mumbled "ah f*** its to early for tv, nothings on..." She found a Dvd to watch and put it on and sat down to eat her breakfast.
She hears a smash from the kitchen window and hears falling glass. Rising fast she almost drops the plate and food on the floor but catches herself and places it on the table and starts moving slowly towards the kitchen.
"What was that?" she thought to herself.

Moving towards the kitchen door Anita thought to herself, "The Neighbours cat mustve snuck into our kitchen and smashed something again..." She knew however that this must be impossible as all the doors and windows downstairs are locked at night. When she reached the kitchen door she hesitated and wondered at the possibility of her mom forgetting to close a window.
Thinking that this was probably the case Anita jumped at the sound of another item being smashed. She started to get scared when she realised that what she just heard mustve been something forcefully to the floor.
She placed a hand on the door handle and hesitated on whether she should open the door or not. She decided to open it and slowly pushed the door open. Her widened in a mixture of shock and fear when the lights suddenly went off. She froze and tried listening for any sounds but there was total silence in the house.

Anita felt a hand rest on her shoulder and she instantly screamed in terror. She pulled hard on the door handle and it fell lose and without thinking about it, she swung around and slammed it into the face of the person who the hand belonged to. Anita saw it was a tall middleaged man as he fell sideways into the the wall with a hand to his face.
Holding onto the handle hard she ran past him and headed upstairs to her room to lock herself in. When she reached the top of the stairs she looked down as the man she had knocked down shouted "You f***ing b***h. You f***ing made me bleed. Your are going to pay for that." She ran into her room and locked the door, staring at it as if the man and whoever he was with was going to smash through the door right there and then.

 

[shramin]

MrJimmy

I do remember that Shram, I remember it bieng pretty good stuff too.

Let me say now, that your making a very bold statement by trying to write it in the tense you've chosen, but the story could work well if all of your verbs stay in line. for instance "Shes done it again, had a nightmare and woken up so fast that she banged head on her shelf above her head." "She's" and "woken" don't match up gramatically "woken" must be changed to "woke" if you wish to stay in the present tense. This is one of the hardest parts of stroy writing, or any kind of writing for that matter, I even have trouble with it sometimes.

"Her special mirror given to her by her best friend before he dissapeared never to be heard of again. It has the name Anita descripted on it, her name.." I don't mean to be an a** by correcting your spelling and grammar, but "heard of again" might sound better if it were "heard from again" and "discripted" isn't a word that I know of, you may have been looking for "inscribed" meaning to dedicate by writing upon.



I will have to give more feedback on this later as I have some things to do, but I'll defintly finish later.

lol your welcome to edit it my friends i failed english and do not take bad spelling or grammar as insults but as helping measures to get me better.