I need some sort of peace of mind. Help a girl out?

[flstni]

I only read the original post. Didn't want anything to influence my thoughts.
True love does exists. Only thing, it can be cruel. My case being fell in love with guy, still am, will always be. Lived together a year after dating over 5 years. One day he came and said he didn't love me.
Been two years since the break up. Still in love with him, always will be. Not a stalker and no wishful thinking. He does not not love me and I can't change that.
True love does exists, the other person might not love you back.
Don't loose faith. Maybe we will get lucky and someone that we can love and be loved back.

And whoever started this guild....Thanks wink  

[Alexis Arquette]

I am a believer that there is hope for everyone, hey I'm 21 and have never been in a relationship at all! I mean I'm not ugly or anything and God knows I've had my chances but its cause none of those guys I've met were "right" for me. I guess it depends on your (the publisher of the thread's) circumstances. For me personally I can be alone all my life, as long as I have my friends and family then are we truly alone? Relationships are hard work, seeing people around me struggling makes me not want to be in one!! I mean we all have to struggle in life with work, school, etc., maybe a relationship just adds unnecessary stress. I can see that your getting on with your life, and good for you, keep up with your career and stuff, and take time to heal before jumping into another relationship.  

[Door Revoir]

Thank you all for all of your advice. :3
I truly appreciate it and while I suppose these are things I already knew deep down, I just needed to hear someone else tell me.. As for things with this guy.. Eh, I think I just need to see where life takes me. I'm not going to sit around and wait for him, but I think there might be hope. If I find someone else that I'm click with better than I did him, more power to me and his loss, right? Bleh. I need to start keeping a journal again, lol. Thanks again, everyone.  

[Lizabat]

Personally, I think "true love' doesn't exist. In my experience, ALL relationships end. Is that a reason to shut yourself off from love? I don't think so. So it's not what people wish it was, so what? It's still good stuff, and people need it, they need each other. We're social animals. So it's not all rosebuds and long sunsets and happily ever after, nothing in life is. That's no reason to run and hide. People get hurt, they heal, they go on...and the cycle repeats. It's ok. If you don't go ahead and risk it, you will be even more unhappy than when you do get hurt.  

[President Kristian Fry]

Door Au Revoir

Yeah, it's another topic on love.

So, I was in a four year long relationship until about November of last year when my loved one decided he was interested in some other girl and wound up cheating on me. Now I've been single for almost a year and I think I've been doing really well re-gathering who I am and so on, but I've found it difficult to trust others. Last night, I got into a discussion with a friend whom I have really strong feelings for (which he returned at one point and then decided we were getting too close and claimed he just wanted to be friends because every time he gets near me he gets scared) and we started discussing the topic of love. I brought up my grandparents who have been married for 50 some years and they still act like they're in love.. At that point he told me that that's not love anymore; that when you get to that age, it's just tolerance and probably really great sex..

What I want to know is, is that true? Or do you think it's possible to truly love someone with all your heart the rest of your life? Because I'm feeling that if what he said is true, then I'm better off staying alone, especially if a majority of men feel this way... Which I actually find really disheartening and depressing, because after what I went through, I so badly wanted to believe that yes, love still is out there and that someone some day will be able to give me what my ex could not for the rest of my life.

Feh. And now I just feel kind of awkward pouring my heart out here. sweatdrop Opinions, please?

Well I can tell you that your friend was wrong. It is posple to love someone your whole life and more.

True love never dies. I will admit I have been with my currnt girlfriend now for just over 2 years but I can tell you that even with such a short amount of time I still love her as much now if not more as the day I first met her and she dose feel the same.
And me and har have alot more opsticals to go through namely that fact she lives in England and I live in Canada and we have to do it for now online. But if we can surive all this time like that and still love each other like we do then yes love dose last forever.  

[NecHocNecIllud]

It's a different kind of love you feel in a longterm relationship. The initial feeling of infatuation does wear off, but if you've something solid underneath it picks up the slack. It is warm and deep instead of like being high on the other person. no, it's not mere tolerance.  

[bandaidd]

The greeks had 3 words for love:
agape, general affection
philos, friendship
eros, romantic love

I have been "romantically" in love only several times, crushed many more times, and married in love with the same man 26 years. He is not always my best friend, we have our disagreements. We aren't always romantic... we get stressed out, sick, tired. But we are devoted to each other and to the relationship. We love each other very deeply, and even in our toughest moments the love was there.
I think it has a lot to do with wanting the best for the other person, even when it's hard for you... and your partner being the same way so no one is selfish and no one gets walked on. It's not easy, but it's worth it. smile  

[Etoile de la Mer]

I could go on about different stages of love, but why reinvent the wheel. Go read "The Road Less Traveled" by Scott Peck.

Men, especially in their twenties, are still living in some alternate dimension from reality (avatar aside, I am a woman) and many still are playing games. The most popular game is "women are out to get me" or varients of "woman exist to trap men". I had a friend who dated the same guy for years, but even though he insisted he loved her, he wouldn't marry her because, he told her "you're going to change once we get married" and apparently turn into a byatch. Other men wallow in angst over past relationships "girlfriend X turned into a byatch so all women must be the same" which after years of dating I now translate into "I just want to go out have fun and maybe get a bit of sex on the side. I'm too immature to actually want to give up all the other women I might have sex with so I won't settle with just one."

Love exists, but so do really immature guys.
rolleyes  

[looking_for_a_reason]

*Sigh* This is a very difficult topic one that actually made both my husband and I take our sweet time with our relationship (even though it was less than 2 years before we got married)

My parents divorced when I was six, and believe it or not it impacted my trust with guys more than I realized until I was 16. Then the one and ONLY guy I dated in high school turned out to be dating me as a bet with his friends. (Doesn't help the trust issue)

My husband was a complete wreck and wasn't really looking for a relationship when I asked him to come over to my place for a youth group party (we've gone to church together since we were six by the way) The girl before him not only cheated on him, she cheated on him with HIS COUSIN while he was SICK with Mono. We still have issues once in awhile but I know that he truly loves me and I love him. I couldn't live a functional life without him.

I look at my grandparents who have been married 50+ years and at my in-laws (25 this year) and I know that even though there might be some serious struggles it'll be worth it and love does last that long, (if you've found the right one)  

[Door Revoir]

Once again, I really appreciate all the advice you guys have put into this thread. As for my friend I was talking about, he's started acting weird towards me lately (yet again) saying things I feel only a guy would say to his girlfriend and not merely someone who's "just a friend". I think yet again, I have no choice but to just wait things out and see what becomes of this. Maybe someone I click even better with will come along and he'll be kicking himself for letting the chance he had with me go (wishful thinking on my part). :P

Honestly, this whole situation is frustrating myself and my closest friend because he keeps giving me parts of himself and then taking them away (I mean mental-wise) and she wants him to grow a brain and realize what he's missing out on.

I suppose only time will tell when and if he'll come around.  

[ShengYing]

After reading everything on this thread... this is my take... I think that your friend isn't really into you romantically. However, he doesn't want to lose you as a backup plan. Therefore, he'll keep dangling tidbits for you... just enough to keep you around for him, just in case nothing else better comes along. Not only that, but he seems to have A LOT of emotional baggages that he's not over and won't be able to overcome unless he gets some serious counseling.

Trust me, emotional baggages are hard to overcome, (I have a ton of them... I too have been through A LOT) and we (those who carry these baggages) tend to be stubborn and not want to talk about them. We keep telling ourselves and others that we're okay... when in fact we're not. If you guys do end up together, know that you'll then be faced with them even more... and he'll have MAJOR trust issues. Always questioning you wherever you go and whatever you do...

Sorry, babbling now... but I think you get my drift...  

[Sliverbolt]

if it true love then it can and will last for the rest of your lives. Love can break all barriers, even death. Sorry for your lose but any guy that cheats isnt worth shi!  

[VodkaLeona]

I think its a mix between toleration, respect, love, need, and common interests. If either one of these is lost its very hard to keep a relationship going. Believe me, Ive had a few.
For example I loved my first x, but it came to the point where I couldn't respect him anymore because he started doing drugs and acting out towards me because I was the only one close to him. He still loved me also but his common interests had changed and we couldn't relate to each other anymore. I ended the relationship after 4yrs because he couldn't tolerate that I wouldn't join him in his decisions.