Stress at home and how to deal with it

[[ Terra ]]

People can have the tendency to lash out to those closest to them during times of difficulty and I can only imagine that your mother has alot to deal with at the moment and sometimes she's going to be in alot of pain and be very frustrated because of it. I realise that it's a very stressful situation for you too but you need to be mindful of that. You don't want to massage her arse? She wiped runny s**t off yours as a baby, man. Not trying to say that you should feel obligated to do something like that or make yourself completely uncomfortable, but people have had to do worse for the care of others and if there is something simple that you can do to help alleviate her pain it would probably be good for all of you.

I don't know if this is really bad parenting, so much as none you knowing how to really deal with a bad situation. I think you need to have a mature conversation with your her and draw the line so she knows what you can't do so that arguements about arse massages don't happen because then hopefully she won't ask. She needs to know that understand that she needs support right now but sometimes you need to be able to get away otherwise things at home will get toxic (as it sounds like it all ready is) and you won't be able to help as well because you'll be too stressed and upset yourself.

So yeah, hope that helps a bit. Just something to consider. sweatdrop  

[lazycommie]

Frankly, you mom has no excuse to be bitchy. That "constant pain" excuse doesn't fly. I am in constant pain whenever I so much as stand, walking is worse and running is excruciating(and the pain lingers for hours after any activity). You don't see me blowing up at people.

Do you have pertinent medical needs that require insurance?

If no, move out. Screw your siblings.



You should start finding places to go to avoid her. I have the same issue with my brother and mother. In my case, I've been spending my days hiking and doing stuff at my church. Hiking is a GREAT way to get out of the house, unwind and come home tired enough to not give a s**t about anything your family may be bitching about.

If she takes your money from your grant, and the grant is in your name, get to the money before her and sock it away somewhere.  

[Roland Karloseth]

Tell me, exactly what does freedom mean...

I do not have any important medical things going on, but it would just be my luck that something happens after I lose the insurance. The grant is in my name, she just counts it as rent when she takes it.

...if I'm not free to be as twisted as I want to be?

 

[lazycommie]

She can technically consider it rent. Of course, you could also just not give her the money. One or two times over should give you enough of a cushion, depending on the amount, to move out and get a place and a job.

If you have a medical emergency, you don't have to pay.  

[TieselGirl09]

I left home smile I was 15 at the time.


x

 

[Roland Karloseth]

Tell me, exactly what does freedom mean...

Well, depending on if I take a full courseload, I usually get $1000-1500 for books, supplies, and any other expenses neccasary for me to stay in school. And I dunno about just leaving and mooching off friends for awhile, I have a friend who has done that and he's screwed up his life majorly. I'm just cautious about such stuff.

...if I'm not free to be as twisted as I want to be?

 

[Sanzoskitsune]

One thing I'm confused about, why does your moving out mean that your siblings lose their health insurance?

I would try and find a way to get them taken care of and then find a way to move out. My suggestion is try to find a job, screw what your mom wants and maybe try to move in somewhere with friends or something. It's a lot easier to split the cost of rent then try to pay it all yourself.

@Lazy I'm sorry I have a huge problem with the whole "screw your siblings" mentality, especially since it sounds like they haven't done him any wrong. I don't think its right to advice him to let his siblings health insurance disappear just because he's having problems with his mom.  

[lazycommie]

0-0Roland Deschain0-0

Tell me, exactly what does freedom mean...

Well, depending on if I take a full courseload, I usually get $1000-1500 for books, supplies, and any other expenses neccasary for me to stay in school. And I dunno about just leaving and mooching off friends for awhile, I have a friend who has done that and he's screwed up his life majorly. I'm just cautious about such stuff.

...if I'm not free to be as twisted as I want to be?

Make a commitment to be frugal from now until you move out. Save any and all you can, even if it's just a couple cents here and there.

Then get a job. Dump as much money from that as possible into it. You don't need a car for a job, although a license helps immensely.

In about half a year or so, you should have a solid cushion for a couple months in an apartment(assuming barest essentials and very low rent). Get a second job if you can.



Note, this is also what I'm putting into action for when I move out(and out of state) this november/december.  

[lazycommie]

Sanzoskitsune

@Lazy I'm sorry I have a huge problem with the whole "screw your siblings" mentality, especially since it sounds like they haven't done him any wrong. I don't think its right to advice him to let his siblings health insurance disappear just because he's having problems with his mom.

My reasoning for saying that is simple. Why should his siblings be his responsibility? He's not the parent.  

[Sanzoskitsune]

lazycommie

Sanzoskitsune

@Lazy I'm sorry I have a huge problem with the whole "screw your siblings" mentality, especially since it sounds like they haven't done him any wrong. I don't think its right to advice him to let his siblings health insurance disappear just because he's having problems with his mom.

My reasoning for saying that is simple. Why should his siblings be his responsibility? He's not the parent.

No but that doesn't mean they should have to suffer either. Look I grew up helping take care of my little sister, I have no obligation to take care of her or make sure she has anything but if I can protect her or help her I will. It's not about obligation its about wanting to take care of people you love because you love them.  

[Roland Karloseth]

Tell me, exactly what does freedom mean...

Anyway, now that my internet has sped up a bit, My siblings and I are on medicaid. Medicaid is income based, and they count the income of everyone in the house. they also look at how many people are in the house.

...if I'm not free to be as twisted as I want to be?

 

[Sanzoskitsune]

0-0Roland Deschain0-0

Tell me, exactly what does freedom mean...

Anyway, now that my internet has sped up a bit, My siblings and I are on medicaid. Medicaid is income based, and they count the income of everyone in the house. they also look at how many people are in the house.

...if I'm not free to be as twisted as I want to be?

Ah I see... so if you left it would decrease their coverage or just get rid of it all together?  

[lazycommie]

Sanzoskitsune

lazycommie

Sanzoskitsune

@Lazy I'm sorry I have a huge problem with the whole "screw your siblings" mentality, especially since it sounds like they haven't done him any wrong. I don't think its right to advice him to let his siblings health insurance disappear just because he's having problems with his mom.

My reasoning for saying that is simple. Why should his siblings be his responsibility? He's not the parent.

No but that doesn't mean they should have to suffer either. Look I grew up helping take care of my little sister, I have no obligation to take care of her or make sure she has anything but if I can protect her or help her I will. It's not about obligation its about wanting to take care of people you love because you love them.

He has no obligation to them. Frankly, his well-being, at this point in his life, should be priority 1, with family a distant second. The situation he's in now isn't exactly benefitting anybody except possibly his mom.

And frankly, it's his mom's responsiblity, not his, to be taking care of his siblings.  

[Roland Karloseth]

Tell me, exactly what does freedom mean...

Frankly, if it were just my sister, I would say "screw it." She is "mommy's favorite," I know she would be fine. My brother, however, is a different story. Anyway, they would completely lose the coverage Sanzo.

...if I'm not free to be as twisted as I want to be?

 

[Sanzoskitsune]

lazycommie

Sanzoskitsune

lazycommie

Sanzoskitsune

@Lazy I'm sorry I have a huge problem with the whole "screw your siblings" mentality, especially since it sounds like they haven't done him any wrong. I don't think its right to advice him to let his siblings health insurance disappear just because he's having problems with his mom.

My reasoning for saying that is simple. Why should his siblings be his responsibility? He's not the parent.

No but that doesn't mean they should have to suffer either. Look I grew up helping take care of my little sister, I have no obligation to take care of her or make sure she has anything but if I can protect her or help her I will. It's not about obligation its about wanting to take care of people you love because you love them.

He has no obligation to them. Frankly, his well-being, at this point in his life, should be priority 1, with family a distant second. The situation he's in now isn't exactly benefitting anybody except possibly his mom.

And frankly, it's his mom's responsiblity, not his, to be taking care of his siblings.

I'm not saying he has an obligation, I'm saying I understand not wanting to leave the people you love in the lurch. Yes its his mom's responsibility but that doesn't mean he doesn't want to protect them. And yes he should be his own top priority and take care of himself but that doesn't mean family should be a distant second. It's not like he's being physically abused or anything either, he's having problems with his mom and its a stressful situation that he needs to get out of true. It is not like his life is in danger though.

And I have to ask, just to understand where your coming from, do you have siblings? and if so, do you get along with them?

0-0Roland Deschain0-0

Tell me, exactly what does freedom mean...

Frankly, if it were just my sister, I would say "screw it." She is "mommy's favorite," I know she would be fine. My brother, however, is a different story. Anyway, they would completely lose the coverage Sanzo.

...if I'm not free to be as twisted as I want to be?

Yeah I understand how that could put you in a tough spot. Hmm, might I suggest biting the bullet and just discussing options with your mom about finding alternative forms of health insurance? I mean she may be willing to listen, you never know unless you give it a shot.