Third Entry: Things To Do In Richmond When You're Dead.
If you die in Richmond CA, you're neither going to heaven nor hell; Angels and demons are too smart to set foot in here. You may think you're too smart to end up in Richmond, but it is all too easy to find yourself here... and, with the high crime rate and pollution, it is rather easy to die here. It is for this reason that a cautious individual should read through this entry and be prepared.
One: Watch your dead, rotting corpse. Okay, I'll admit that this would be rather unpleasant, but it would be interesting to see how long it takes people to notice YET ANOTHER stinking, dead body lying about. You can tell the natives from the non-natives simply by observing their reactions to your corpse; the ones who look right through your corpse as though it were a speed bump are native to Richmond, but the ones who simply faint are not. As you can see, it will take a while before your carcass is disposed of.
Two: Haunt the Chevron refinery. I will thank you for that one, actually. Once you've seen how long it takes for people to notice your "Richmond speed bump", just grab some chains, go to the refinery, and rattle them! As well as rattling chains, you can lock and unlock doors, open and close said doors, thump on walls, and howl your nefarious plans into the air. that would be a great way to "kill" some of your time as an apparition, eh?
Three: Get the hell out of Richmond! Because your wallet has, at this point, been taken from your corpse, you will be a little too poor to be able to afford San Francisco or El Cerrito... and because the gangster ghosts haunting Oakland don't want you, Oakland is not an option either. Kinda hard to leave Richmond, eh? I'd recommend Berkeley.
Four: Human possession. This is probably the most fun part of being a ghost because you can experience simple pleasures like peanut-butter and jelly sandwiches, as though you were alive. One enjoyable thing you can do with human possession would be taking control of someone with a high speed connection, starting a blog, and writing about eating peanut-butter and jelly sandwiches. Another one would be taking control of said person and getting the hell out of Richmond.
Five: Last but not least, be thankful you're not in New Jersey. New Jersey is what happens when there is a civil war in hell, and half the demons form a colony in a steaming pile of New York's excrement. As you can tell, I hate New Jersey with a passion. In conclusion: Stay the hell out of Richmond CA and New Jersey. Thank you for reading this!
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