The Guild's Incorrect Quotes

[Julian Galaksylph]

The Iconic Parks and Rec's "Who Broke it" in Two Versions

Professors

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[standing around the broken coffee machine]

Fanchon: So. Who broke it?

[awkward silence]

Fanchon : I’m not mad, I just wanna know.

Landon: I did. I broke it-

Fanchon: No. No you didn’t. Cal?

Callum: Don’t look at me. Look at Tesni.

Tesni: What?! I didn’t break it!

Callum: Huh, that’s weird. How’d you even know it was broken?

Tesni: Because it’s sitting right in front of us and it’s broken!

Callum: Suspicious...

Tesni: No it’s not!

Jason: If it matters, probably not, but Ada was the last one to use it.

Ada: Liar! I don’t even drink that crap!

Jason: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?

Ada: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles, everyone knows that Jason!

Landon: Okay, okay! Let’s not fight! I broke it, let me pay for it, Fanchon-

Fanchon: No! Who broke it!?

[stunned silence]

Tesni: Fanchon… Tanna has been awfully quiet-

Tanna: rEALLY?! OH MY GOD-

[everyone starts arguing]

[later]
Fanchon: I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it. I predict 10 minutes from now they’ll be at each other’s throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick. Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.


source : Parks and Recreation

characters involved : Tesni Yates, Fanchon Cohen, Naitanna Hawthorne, Landon Price, Adalaide Whitethorne, Jason Hill, Callum Murdoch



Auror Office

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[standing around the broken coffee machine]

Elliott: So. Who broke it?

[awkward silence]

Elliott: I’m not mad, I just wanna know.

Jacob: I did. I broke it-

Elliott: No. No you didn’t. Evelyn?

Evelyn: Don’t look at me. Look at Matt.

Matteo: What?! I didn’t break it!

Evelyn: Huh, that’s weird. How’d you even know it was broken?

Matteo: Because it’s sitting right in front of us and it’s broken!

Evelyn: Suspicious...

Matteo: No it’s not!

Magni: If it matters, probably not, but Marina was the last one to use it.

Marina: Liar! I don’t even drink that crap!

Magni: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?

Marina: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles, everyone knows that Magni!

Jacob: Okay, okay! Let’s not fight! I broke it, let me pay for it, Elliot-

Elliott: No! Who broke it!?

[stunned silence]

Matteo: Elliott… David has been awfully quiet-

David: rEALLY?! OH MY GOD-

[everyone starts arguing]

[later]
Elliott: I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it. I predict 10 minutes from now they’ll be at each other’s throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick. Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.

source : Parks and Recreation

characters involved : Elliott Holt, Jacob Drage, Magni Borson, Marina Edgeworth, Matteo Eriksson-Eide, David Clarisse, Evelyn Jacobs  

[MJ Spooks]

Merc: Rules are made to be broken.

Alby: They were made to be followed. Nothing is made to be broken.

Merc: Uh, pinatas.

Clara: Glow sticks.

Merc: Karate boards.

Clara: Pasta when you have a small pot.

source: Brooklyn 99
characters involved: Mercy Sanderson, Alby Callaghan, Clara Bautista  

[MJ Spooks]

Rubin: You could've died, man

Aus: I wasn't hurt that bad. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood is supposed to be.

source: Brooklyn 99
characters involved: Rubin and Austmar Eide  

[Cinnabun Gryffie]

Lena: I love knitting needles. I can make a scarf. I can make a hat. I can stab your eyes out. I can make mittens.

Tyler: What was that middle part?

Lena: ... I can make a hat.


source : tumblr
characters involved : Helena Davisson, Tyler Blade  

[MJ Spooks]

Chrys: What are you doing here?

Byuch: *starts to answer*

Chrys: Five words or less!

Byuch: *counting on fingers* Out. For. A. Walk.

*pause*

Byuch: b***h.

source: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
characters involved: Chrysanthemum Meadows, Byuchuch Horne  

[CatWaffle]

From: Easy A
Charaters: Jer, Gyp, Nico, and Mal Lovette



Nico: I like your pants.

Mal: Thank you! They're Costco. You can have them when you're a little taller if you want.

Nico: I'm never gonna go through puberty.

Gyp: Of course you will, baby, but we're a family of late bloomers - I didn't until I was 14.

Nico: Why does that matter? I'm adopted!

Jer: What? Oh my God! Who told you? Guys, we were going to do this at the right time!

Jer: [to Nico] Where are you from originally?  

[CatWaffle]

Source: random meme
Characters: Felix Geary, Edgar Fardqurson



Felix: ok but what if…..

Eddie: We went over this like 100 times yesterday and we totally resolved it.

Felix: yeah but i looked at it from a new angle and there's like 20 more reasons why you should be worried about it.

Eddie: ......go on.  

[CatWaffle]

Sorce: unknown (found on Facebook)
Characters: Charlie Antunez, Gertie Stanford

Charlie: hey babe can I show you something?
Gertie: sure babe
Charlie: can I show this in your room?
Gertie: OK
Charlie: can we close the window?
Gertie: sure
Charlie: can you close the door?
Gertie: okay
Charlie: can you turn off the lights?
Gertie: sure?
Charlie: grab my hand
Gertie: (grab his hand) what is it, babe?
Charlie: look at this, my watch can glow in the dark  

[The Forgotten Weasley]

*preparing to duel Cyrus*

Vio: Well, virgins always get out alive so you'll be ******** fine.

Vander: ...

source : Chrys Reviews
characters involved : Violante Lillantine, Evander Lillantine  

[The Forgotten Weasley]

Edgar (to Antony): It's okay, grandson, you can come watch an execution.

Lysander: Hear that, Antony? An execution!

Antony (under his breath): Yay. Even better than ice cream.

Lysander (offended): Is that sass, mister?

source : Chrys Reviews
characters involved : Edgar Tempest, Lysander Tempest, Antony Tempest  

[The Forgotten Weasley]

Leon, annoyed: Why are you better looking than my real brothers?

Tommy/Edric: It's the brooding smolder. Chicks can't get enough.

Leon: ....

Tommy/Edric, barely audible: I call it the Batman.

source : Chrys Reviews
characters involved : Leon McGregor, Tommy McGregor/Edric Nott  

[The Forgotten Weasley]

Clarice: I thought you said there would be boys here!

Megan, rolling her eyes: No honey, just beheadings.

source : Chrys Reviews
characters involved : Megan Steele, Clarice Steele  

[The Forgotten Weasley]

Remington: Why are we suspiciously lurking over the body of a guy we wanted dead?

Callidahlia: Don't worry. It's just setting the scene.

Remington: Isn't it odd that he died before he could spill the beans?

Callidahlia: I won't look the gift corpse in the mouth. ...Mostly because that's gross.

source : Chrys Reviews
characters involved : Remington Nott, Callidora Nott/Dahlia Edgeworth  

[The Forgotten Weasley]

Echo: Alcohol doesn't seem like a solution.

Gypsy: Well technically I just handed you a solution of ethanol, so yeah.

source : Chrys Reviews
characters involved : Echo Lovette, Gypsy Lovette  

[MJ Spooks]

Alby: Hey look it's a snake charmer!

Tiernan: *in parseltounge* Hey yo snake!

Emily: *hisses*

Tiernan: You cute as hell

Emily: Ssssstahp!

source: vine
characters involved: Alby Callaghan, Tiernan Yaxley, Emily the snake