Dancing with the Devil (Ch. 3) - Need Criticism!

[Arcanas]

Not the kind of thing I usually read, but for some reason, I like it

I really don't have much to say, but I have to agree, the opening dialouge between the two rapists was...one of the more blander things in life  

[Trish the Stalker]

I'll get around to reworking that dialogue for sure now ^^

Just not till after everything else is finished... so much bouncing around inside my head right now.  

[Arcanas]

bouncy, bouncy, bouncy ^_^  

[The-Mut-Cat]

I don't like reading stories over computer-screens X.X ... but I read the first post at least... it sounds very good... just watch out for run-on sentences...  

[Trish the Stalker]

The-Mut-Cat

I don't like reading stories over computer-screens X.X ... but I read the first post at least... it sounds very good... just watch out for run-on sentences...

I write at 3 am... I'm not thinking clearly. But thanks, I'll remember that when I go in for draft 2 and pay extra close attention to that as well as my dialogue (screw you Mozilla, that's the correct spelling! sad ...why do you give me a red squiggly line?) and other such things mentioned i this thread.  

[The-Mut-Cat]

La Belle Isolde

The-Mut-Cat

I don't like reading stories over computer-screens X.X ... but I read the first post at least... it sounds very good... just watch out for run-on sentences...

I write at 3 am... I'm not thinking clearly. But thanks, I'll remember that when I go in for draft 2 and pay extra close attention to that as well as my dialogue (screw you Mozilla, that's the correct spelling! sad ...why do you give me a red squiggly line?) and other such things mentioned i this thread.

some things that helped me when writing were to wait at least a week before editing... actually, the longer I waited, the better... that way, you can still have the detail and inspiration of your old ideas... but even after 7 days... you'll have gotten slightly smarter...

I have found some stories I wrote at age 12 when I'm in college now... and been able to remake them into current projects.  

[Trish the Stalker]

Okay, chapter 3 is up but its entirely uncharted territory as far as this story goes. Everything up until now had something that I had to go on from what I'd written before. It's clunky, I know, but I'm gonna follow Mut's advice and leave it for now. I will come back to it after everything is finished and go through in its entirety.

PS: My biology should be right. Also, some cool things to note is that her fiance's last name is an anagram of the scientific name for forget-me-nots and Sylvia is derived from the scientific name for a species of forget-me-nots.  

[123456hi]

I find your story disturbing yet I like it a lot. I found some small mistakes while proofreading your work. I can't wait for the rest of it!

La Belle Isolde

...the only like was from four elaborate candelabras...

....I‘m not hear to harm you...

...Since it’s creation you have committed no sins."

...I have no idea who you are.” her