1x1 - Zelly & Anime

[M3Gnificent]

"Whatever it is, we'll beat them mercilessly for it. We'll get to her before any harm could be done, and we'll do it beyond as quickly as possible." Mala said, sounding furious that someone would dare try and steal their child.

 

[Zelly-fangirl]

"Please just let her be okay..." Van prayed softly as he headed into the woods behind the house that he assumed the kidnapper escaped into.

 

[M3Gnificent]

After getting dressed surprisingly quickly, Mala ran alongside Van - heading into the forest to help search for their little baby.

 

[Zelly-fangirl]

((Oh my god I can't remember the last time I laughed that hard. The DnD hilarity last night was BRILLIANT. I don't know where to start! xd ))

"Anise!! It's daddy! If you can hear me, say something!" Van called.

 

[M3Gnificent]

Off in the distance, towards the long since dried-up pool, an almost baby like voice could faintly be heard speaking. "This is the cliff of immortal strength and beauty, your highness. If you jump, you will regain all your former glory. Nations will grovel before your might, women will lust after you, and all will respect you forever more." this voice said, in response to a more uncertain one that sounded quite a bit like Atius. In truth, Anise didn't expect this farfetched lie to work. She was just hoping this pathetic worm of a man was stupid enough to believe the blatant lies of a talking baby.

{Tellmenaotellmetellmetellme!}

 

[Zelly-fangirl]

((Okay, for convenience' sake, I'll nickname the group for you so you have an idea of who I'm talking about from here on: I'm a rogue, Scales is a Dragonborn ardent or something like that, Kitty is a paladin/ranger, Scarlette (as no good nicknames apply) is a wizard, and the Punster is our cleric (he follows the Golden Path or some such, since this will become important later) who loooooooooooooooooooooves bad puns. Bad puns that many of us (mostly just me, but sometimes everyone else too) want to stab him for.

Anyway, I guess I'll start with the fact that we got caught up in what was essentially a train robbery getting attacked by some human bandits and Draconians. The human bandits couldn't hit anything. They never hit once throughout the whole night to the point the DM said they were making worse rolls than Punster (who I will get to in a moment, he's the best part of the tale. XD ) We decided they must have been drunk.

At some point, Scales was pointing out who needed to be healed and Punster says "I know, I know! Calm your nuts, man!" To which Scales replies "My nuts are calm!!"

And then we have Punster. My god, Punster. xd After only two weeks, it had become a running gag that every time he used a certain move, he'd make a shitty roll. This time, it didn't matter what he did, he rolled squat. He rolled one critical, and then managed to roll below 10 seven times in a row. I cannot get across how bad he was rolling; really, this recap can't do justice. XD While we are laughing ourselves to tears, he rolls a 1. The DM, deciding to take pity on him, lets him use one of his cheat dice that are statistically weighted. And he manages to roll a 3. That was the crowning moment of the whole night. The DM goes on to say that something like he'd been through was statistically impossible, to which Punster replies "I broke math." It also seemed like every time he rolled his dice outside his turn, when there was nothing riding on it, he'd roll a high number. Later, after finding out there was a bomb on the light rail or whatever we were riding (we ended it there, I joked by wondering where the counter from '24' was) from a dying old lady we healed, Punster jokingly says he attempts to attack the old lady and makes a roll. And gets a 20. Everyone jokes how his Path is telling him to be evil.

Van thought he heard something, but wasn't sure as he carefully wound himself up and around a tree to try and see if he could spot them from above. Thankfully he could, as they were in one of the few clearings the forest held. "I found them, they're over by the crater!" he said as he came back down, quickly starting to slither off again before stopping suddenly and leaning against tree while holding his stomach. "Right...No overexerting self with baby...You go on ahead, I just need a quick breather and I'll catch up....Anise takes priority anyway."

 

[M3Gnificent]

{Oh my god. XD I wish I could actually see that unfold. XDD That is hilarious.}

Mala nodded firmly and ran on to where the noise was coming from, only to see Anise sitting behind a ledge - crying as Atius only just jumped off.

 

[Zelly-fangirl]

((There was also mention at some point of "Death to the thingy!" but that really pales in comparison to Punster spectacularly crappy luck. XDD ))

"Oh thank gods!" Van said in relief when he saw Anise safe with Mala and the kidnapper nowhere to be found.

 

[M3Gnificent]

{XD Lol}

Mala picked up the crying Anise and cuddled her close, kissing her baby's forhead time and time again. "Oh, our precious little darling! I'm so glad you're safe!"

 

[Zelly-fangirl]

"You must have been so scared! But it's alright, mommy and daddy are here now..." Van said hugging his wife and daughter close.

 

[M3Gnificent]

"Oh, thank gods you're okay!" Mala said again, almost at the verge of crying.

 

[Zelly-fangirl]

"I don't know why the kidnapper just left her here, but I'm not complaining. We can worry about him later, let's just head home for now." Van said, hugging them a little tighter as he stroked Mala's hair comfortingly.

 

[M3Gnificent]

"Yes, let's go home. Also, we're fixing out home up - improving security. Just in case this might happen again."

 

[Zelly-fangirl]

((So Atius has just like, passed out at the bottom of the crater? XD ))

"Agreed." Van said. "Just don't get yourself caught in any traps you decide to set." he teased.

 

[M3Gnificent]

{From several head injuries, I should think. XD}

"I won't, I won't." Mala assured Van easilly and casually.