⎾ MOROSIS ⏌

[Pure Acid Dreamer]

There was still a lot they didn't know about each, this much he could not deny. A lot of the time he felt like he had learned more about Kieran through Abel. And that was mostly due to the fact that whatever was bothering them, Kieran would not tell him directly. Like it or not, he couldn't change that Abel probably knew more about him. It was bound to happen seeing as they had kept on somewhat friendly terms throughout his relationship with Kieran, and even after it ended. Jakob didn't want to think that there was no hope for them outside of sex. Maybe he was just being optimistic or just plain stupid in that fact. Regardless, he was more than willing to at least try to fill in the blanks. He wondered if the same could be said for Kieran.

Jakob relaxed while the male continued to touch him. He was glad at least one of them liked the new so-called feature. For him, it was just a reminder of his stupidity. When Kieran questioned him, he knew it best to answer rather than remain silent. Jakob couldn't help his habit of staying silent sometimes. It wasn't that he didn't want to speak or had nothing to say - though sometimes that was true as well. It was just that he wasn't always sure how Kieran would respond. When Jakob did speak, he gave him a simple answer, one he often used with Abel. The question that soon followed was somewhat expected. Sighing softly, he shifted and moved to lay on his stomach. "Hmm, there are some things I like." he replied honestly. "Everything is walkable, the universal healthcare is nice, I've got family not too far from here." Laying his head on his arm, Jakob looked towards Kieran. He wanted to ask him the same, but he already knew the answer. Kieran likely wouldn't be here if Abel thought he was happy.

 

[xDarkWinterx]

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Questioning Miguel, he couldn't help but want to know more. They needed to talk and he was slowly trying to ease into it. Kirean watched, listening as Miguel sighed and moved onto his stomach. He moved his hand back toward himself as he lay there. Kirean waited as Miguel soon responded to his question. He hadn't expected such an answer as it wasn't the one he wanted. Kirean wanted to roll his eyes but didn't. The concept of happiness relied on grocery shopping and health care, great. Indeed he wasn't happy, having gone off and binged among other things.

 

[Pure Acid Dreamer]

Coming home he wouldn't say it was much of a new life. More like he was just picking up the forgotten pieces of his old one. He was back in his home country, surrounded by the people he knew, and a language he spoke. And yet, he felt like something was missing. Moving his stomach Jakob gave a rather vague answer, commenting on a few of the things he had missed while residing state side. Turning his head, he watched the man curiously. He half expected some snide retort or for Kieran to roll his eyes. Instead, he was given no reply whatsoever. Glancing back at the sheets, he laid there quietly for a minute. "It's been hard...coming back here." he continued. "Everyone wants to know where I was or what I did, and I can't tell them anything remotely close to the truth without incriminating myself." Sighing again, he wasn't looking for pity or anything really. He just though Kieran might want to know.

 

[xDarkWinterx]

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Indeed he had a retort but didn't want to be rude. He was trying not to cause an argument. Kirean wasn't in the mood to argue, he just wanted to talk. They needed to communicate. That was something he was working on though sucked horribly. He hadn't thought Miguel would comment again as he hadn't said anything. Kirean listened as Miguel soon spoke again, finding his words amusing. ”And what did you tell them?” He asked, wondering what the hidden truth was.

 

[Pure Acid Dreamer]

Jakob didn't think he had it in him to endure another argument. Not today anyway. If Kieran wanted to fight, he was going home. He didn't mind talking however, but so far it seemed he was the only one keeping up the conversation. He found that he didn't mind it too much as it allowed him to get his thoughts and feelings out with minimum judgement. As they laid there quietly, Jakob continued to ramble. He didn't want any pity or sympathy, it was just the truth about how he'd been living, and he thought Kieran might care to know. Beside him, he heard the male speak up once more. He smiled to himself as he recalled the old conversations with his mother and grandparents. "I told them that I liked being America, Chicago specifically. And that I had forgotten to tell them that I just so happened to extend my visa, so I could stay with some friends and keep on traveling." he replied honestly. It had been a bit of a silly lie, but one that supposedly worked in the end. He wasn't entirely sure how much they bought it. But they had accepted his story all about the sites, the culture, the food, and everything else he saw in his travels.

 

[xDarkWinterx]

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Kirean didn't mind Miguel's rambling, he was just happy to hear him talk. He didn't have pity or sympathy for Miguel. Kirean was just curious to know more. He watched as Miguel smiled before he soon spoke again. Kirean listened as he spoke, explaining what he told his family. He found it funny, the half truth and lies. ”How did you become what you were?” Kirean asked, wondering what led Miguel to killing people.

 

[Pure Acid Dreamer]

It felt good to be able to just talk like this. To be open, honest, free even. Whether Kieran was listening or not, he wasn't too sure. He knew that he was paying just enough attention to have some follow-up questions, and he found that he liked that. It felt like they were having a real conversation for once. Jakob smiled as he told him about his deceit towards his family. While he wasn't proud of it, he was glad that they believed him enough to not question it. When Kieran spoke again his question surprised him. He contemplated it a moment, never having really thought about himself. "I think it was a few things really." he said slowly.

"Mostly I think I was angry at a bunch of trivia stuff. Things like my parents divorce, my mixed heritage, being forced to travel all the time. It just felt like I never belonged anywhere. Not in São Paulo and not in Düsseldorf. By the time I was in high school I had let that anger fester. I started feeling these urges to lash out in violent ways, though I never acted on them until I reached uni." When he finished speaking, again he was unsure if Kieran would understand. Compared to Kieran's own personal history his reasons probably sounded laughable to lead to murder. Much less a professional career.

 

[xDarkWinterx]

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Kirean was indeed listening, taking it all in. If he wasn't then follow up questions wouldn't happen. He couldn't help the next question. It made him curious how Miguel suddenly became a murderer for hire. While he understood the concept, he didn't know what led to it. People just didn't wake up one day and suddenly kill someone.

He waited as Miguel seemed surprised and soon thought about the answer. Kirean listened as Miguel soon responded. He listened as Miguel spoke, he did find it laughable. ”What happened in Uni?” Kirean asked, while he understood anger, he found it curious. The idea of built anger needed to be released, what caused him to take his first kill?

 

[Pure Acid Dreamer]

It was nice to see Kieran taking an interest, even if the current topic was a bit morbid. He understood why he would want to understand. He wasn't like Abel, who probably felt the urge to do harm from a young age. But he also couldn't say that it all stimmed from nothing either. To Kieran, his reasoning probably seemed trivial and small. Certainly no reason to kill anyone over. Then again, weren't most true crime horror stories about a murder over seemingly nothing. Some of the most famous in history were over the smallest thing. Jakob continued to talk and as expected, Kieran followed with another question.

Like before, he found himself having to recall what it was that set him off. The memories were so vague now it was hard to remember. "It was about then that my anger started taking on a very serious blood lust...I would often find myself daydreaming about slaughtering my neighbors and classmates." he said, fighting back a bit of a smile. "I only made it about half a year into Uni before I knew I needed to leave."

 

[xDarkWinterx]

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While morbid, he was curious. Kirean too had found comfort in death from anger. Although it was more recent than Miguel's own past. He listened as Miguel responded to his question. Kirean found it curious as it hardly explained much. He moved past the conversation as he thought of something different. ”What were you studying?” Kirean asked, pushing past the morbid to something more serious.

 

[Pure Acid Dreamer]

Jakob knew that he wasn't making himself very clear. He didn't really talk about that part of himself, mostly because no one had ever asked him. It felt strange to talk about his path in life, almost like he was talking about someone else. It made him curious why now of all times Kieran wanted to know everything, but he didn't say anything. He didn't want to ruin things as he was actually enjoying the conversation, despite the current subject matter. When the man spoke again, he noticed the switch to something more mundane. He didn't mind, perhaps that bit of himself was too morbid. "I hadn't really gotten around to choosing a major yet. The first year classes are pretty similar to what you had in high school. So think maths, literature, science, history, and English." he explained. Having never been himself, he wasn't entirely sure how close that education model followed an American university regimen. He wasn't even sure if Kieran had sought after a higher education. "Had I stayed I think I would have done something with computers or research. Whenever there was an assignment that leaned into one or the other it seemed like that was where I excelled the most."

 

[xDarkWinterx]

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They didn't have to talk, he could easily sit and ignore Miguel if he wanted him to. Kirean thought talking would be nice. He knew in the past they hardly talked but now he worried. Kirean didn't want a relationship based on silence. He was tired of the quiet. Kirean listened as Miguel responded. The idea of school had been lost on him. He hadn't gone past high school himself. Kirean had barely passed that not because he didn't have the intelligence but because he had found no interest in it. He also had missed a lot of school at times.

Questioning Miguel, he listened as he commented about simple classes such as prerequisites. Kirean wasn't surprised that Miguel would have done something with computers. He knew he had skills in that aspect. ”And now, would you go back to finish?” Kirean asked wondering what Miguel's goals in mind were, or was he content being a bar boy.

 

[Pure Acid Dreamer]

Though he wasn't used to it, he preferred the talking. He liked the noise, he liked having something to focus on, and not worrying about the silence between them. In the past he often opted for silence for fear of being wrong or saying something stupid. If he wanted to move forward with Kieran, he knew that that wasn't going to work this time. They needed to be able to talk to one another, even when they were afraid of hurting the others feelings. Jakob didn't want to get caught in the same pattern as before.

As they continued their conversation Jakob commented about what little schooling he had taken. It wasn't much, but it been a start to something he had once thought would be a better future. While he had never officially decided on a major, he did for a moment dream about what it might be. Most of what he knew now he learned on his own and through the very few friends he'd made along the way while in Cornelius's group. Hearing Kieran speak again, he glanced his way before giving a light shrug. "I don't know...I've thought about it. I'm sure my mom would like it if I did. Plus, it's not like it cost that much. Public universities are free and course books are relatively affordable." he replied. Shifting again, he moved back to his side. "It just feels like I missed my chance, you know. That I'm too old now, and I should just keep on working. If I ever get bored at the pub it's not as though I can't go find something else." Since coming home Jakob hadn't put much thought into any long term goals. He seemed to just be existing.

 

[xDarkWinterx]

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Existing, indeed that's probably what they were both doing. As if he was enjoying himself, hardly. He'd gone off on a binge and barely returned home before Abel sent him to Germany. Kirean wasn't so sure what Abel's plan was. He didn't even know what his own plans for the future were. Kirean was angry and the anger didn't seem like it would disappear.

Questioning Miguel about his future, he was curious about what he wanted in life. Kirean listened as Miguel responded about going back to school. He watched as Miguel shifted onto his side. Kirean listened as Miguel spoke, surprised by his words. He couldn't help but roll his eyes. ”You're hardly old…” Kirean responded as he moved to sit up and lean against the headboard. ”And how many jobs have you had since moving here?” He asked curiously knowing he had no room to talk, having never worked a true job a day in his life.

 

[Pure Acid Dreamer]

With no real dreams or long term goals it was hard to think about what he should be doing with his life. For the moment he found it much easier to focus on making enough to pay his bills and feed himself. Since he didn't have a lot of friends outside of work, and he wasn't seeing anyone regularly, the need for any extra income wasn't necessary either. However, it was starting to become tedious. He was lonely, and tired. He didn't want to be stuck like this forever.

Answering the next question, Jakob shifted to his side as he explained himself once more. Beside him, Kieran rolled his eyes as he moved to sit up. He smiled to himself as he was reminded of his age. "Old enough." he replied. Jakob knew he wasn't that he wasn't so old. However, he had at least a good decade on most of the freshman entering Uni. Most students his age already had a Bachelor's degree and were aiming for something even higher. When Kieran spoke again, it was a fair question. "Uh...maybe three, no four jobs." he replied. "The pub is my full-time job. For a couple of months I did some part-time at a nearby office, and the other two were just temporary positions during Christmas." He wasn't sure what point Kieran was trying to make but he saw no point in lying to him.